3 Reasons Why We Should DISCOURAGE Perfectionism

It is very easy to believe that being a perfectionist is a favourable quality. But is it really? Here are three reasons why we should DISCOURAGE perfectionism in children:

1. Perfectionists are less likely to take risks and try their hand at new things. They often become fearful of failure and if they cannot be the best, they would rather not try at all.
2. They spend more time completing tasks.  Being the only one in class that hasn’t finished yet, can make a child feel inferior.
3. Friends or peers may start to feel judged and avoid your child when they don’t live up to his standards.

What to do about it?

-       Distinguish between healthy and unhealthy praise.  (Go here if you missed that post.)

When your child is doing a task, talk about the PROCESS, the CHOICES that he makes and ways in which he can CHALLENGE himself, instead of focusing only on the product and then making general statements that label your child, such as “You are so smart” or “You are a champion artist”. These labels put pressure on children, making them fearful of making mistakes and then losing admiration and respect. Rather, when your child draws a picture, ask questions about the colours he is using and what he plans to do next. When playing ball games, give him the choice of which ball to play with and encourage him to challenge himself: “Why not try kicking the tennis ball and see if you can get as good at it as when you kicked the soccer ball.”

-       Help your child to distinguish between people-orientated and task-orientated situations.

Some people are naturally task-orientated and others are people- orientated. Regardless of your child’s natural preference, it will serve him well to be able to differentiate between these two kinds of situations. This insight will help your child to manage his actions and his emotions better. After all, losing a game of Monopoly should not be viewed in the same light as flunking a test!

Use words to describe the different situations. When people-orientated, say something like:  “Remember that this is about spending time together, having fun and making memories.” And when a situation is task orientated: “We’re not kidding around now; this is a get-down-to-it-and-get-it- done activity”.

In the words of Peggy O’Mara, “The way that you talk to your child, becomes his inner voice.”  When parents mostly talk about the end result, their child’s focus is obviously also directed towards the end result. On the contrary, when you as the parent shift your attention away from the end result towards the process and the choices that can be made, your child’s thoughts will follow suit.

Just to hammer the nail a bit deeper into the coffin of perfectionism, we end with a spirited quote by Anne Lamott:

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a sh*#! first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”

― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

 When we know better... we do better

Five ways in which a child learns social skills

Image: http://www.sheknows.com/

Most parents agree that they want their children to reach their full potential – whatever that may be. They won’t enjoy and celebrate a child any less if it turns out that his or her fullest potential doesn’t involve straight A’s and being hugely successful in the sports arena. In fact, most of us will be more than pleased to see our little ones grow up to be truly happy and successful in their own unique way. As long as they live their best life – everything else is a bonus.


    However, ask any adult about their happiness level and whether they think they’re living meaningful lives and you will soon realise that "living your best life" is not as easy as it sounds. It's so difficult, in fact, that any practical advice to parents about things that can be done during the early years to increase a child’s changes to be happy and content one day is extremely valuable.


    Today’s tips focus on what research teaches us about cultivating social skills in our children. It is, after all, impossible for a person to be either happy or successful without being able to get along with people.


    Here are five things that parents can do to help lay a solid foundation with regards to social skills:


1. Talk about emotions. Studies show that children, whose parents talk about emotions often, are more popular and more comfortable in social situations and better able to cope with anger and disappointment.


2. Deliberately work on having a sunny outlook on life. Kids with the most developed preschool social skills are the ones who experience more positive emotions at home. It’s not necessary or even realistic to be constantly happy, but practice a “can-do” attitude towards setback and frustrations.


    Studies indicate that children suffer when parents – and particularly mothers – tend to give in to anger or despair when things don’t go according to plan. The more often children see their mothers display negative emotions, the less likely they are to view their mothers as people who can comfort them and give them advice.


3. Create special opportunities for pretend play and join in the action every now and then. One of the most important ways in which children develop friendships during the pre-school years is by playing pretend games together.


    Researchers have found that kids who pretend together are less likely than other kids to quarrel or have communication problems. They also develop self-control and the ability to “put themselves in somebody else’s shoes”. Parents who play along from time to time are doing their children a huge favour. Kids are found to play for longer and at a higher level when parents encourage them – but remember to keep the experience upbeat and don’t take over the situation completely; allow your little one to take the lead.


4. Use words wisely when you discipline your child. Kids whose parents take the time to explain rules and discuss consequences of bad behaviour have found to be popular, have more self-control and less conflict with peers.


5. Be sensitive to your child’s emotions. One study, done by Suzanne Denham in 1997 asked children to say what they think their parents would do when they experience strong emotions in various situations, for instance when they wake up from a bad dream. The very same kids who reported that their parents would comfort them and not ignore their emotions or get angry were the ones who were pointed out by teachers to be more socially skilled when they are amongst their friends. These children were also better able to relate to other children’s feelings, and they were generally more cooperative.


    What much of the research boils down to is that taking part, in an emotionally positive way is very important to your child’s social development. What’s more, discussing emotions, whether positive or negative, helps your child to understand their own emotions, and therefore other people’s emotions, so much better.


The Practica Team
parents who know better... do better


Comments or want to be added to the mailing list for future updates? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

A Smorgasbord of Food Tips

While some children are absolute dreams when it comes to mealtimes, roughly 50% of all children 'eat too little', their parents believe. And this is according to Dr Christopher Green, from his book called Toddler Taming, A Parents' Guide to the First Four Years (Random House).

Below we introduce ideas from two books about feeding a fussy eater - some of them overlap and they are intended for you to take and use in your unique situation with your toddler:

Toddler Taming (Dr Christopher Green, Random House):

1. Avoid disorganised, disturbed, noisy mealtimes - your toddler should sit and eat with the rest of the family, but if this is impractical, a parent should sit next to the child and feed her before the main family meal.

2. Your toddler should ideally be given a variety of well-balanced foods - however, if she dislikes variety, then a repetitive but nutritious diet is perfectly acceptable. After all, she's the one who has to eat it, not you.

3. Adult eating habits should be encouraged - but it is no disaster if your child decides to return to the main course after having polished off her pudding.

4. Use labour-saving cooking ideas - because it is hard to stay calm when your wilful toddler refuses a dish that has taken hours to prepare.

5. Gently encourage a child to eat - NEVER force.

6. Once it is obvious that the child is not going to eat any more, wipe her hands and face clean and allow her to get down from the table - whether this is after five minutes or half an hour, don't worry about it. If your child is dawdling over her food, leave her to dawdle without an audience after a reasonable amount of time has elapsed.

7. Display no anger if food is not eaten - put the untouched plate in the fridge and bring it out later on request. If your child refuses a meal, she must not be allowed to top up on milk, chips and the like.


Babies and Toddlers, How to survive them (Jane-Anne Hobbs, Zebra Press)

1. Work out what your responsibility is - provide your toddler with a variety of healthy foods, set times for mealtimes and snacks, and lay down guidelines about table manners. What she eats from the nutritious variety you present to her, and how much she eats, is up to her.

2. Be assured your toddler will not starve - when she becomes hungry enough, she will eat, and she'll eat exactly what and how much she needs - as long as she's not tempted by unhealthy options.

3. Acknowledge your toddler's right to be picky - it is important to respect your child's wishes. She is perfectly entitled to her own likes and dislikes. The challenge is to accept preferences and find ways of working around them.

4. Remember, your toddler has her own internal pressures - no child is born without an appetite. Your child's food desires are driven by her appetite; when she needs to eat, she will.

5. Don't coerce your toddler - the 'clean plate' policy is something from the past. Don't ever force your child to finish what is on her plate. Try taking the pressure off completely, and see if she abandons her hunger strike.

6. Accept that your toddler might not be hungry - if she's been snacking all day for some or other reason, it's only natural that she might not be hungry.

7. Cut down on milk and juice - your child's tummy may be full and she may not even register hunger pangs. Consider limiting milk and juice to a safe intake and her appetite might improve dramatically!

8. Ask yourself if your toddler's really suffering - if your child is not underweight for her age, if she has tons of energy and is having regular bowel movements, there is very little chance that she's not getting the nourishment she needs.

9. Try to make food fun - even the most reluctant eater can be lured with interestingly presented food, or even a picnic in the garden instead of lunch at the table!

We hope that these collection of tips at least gives you a point from which to start addressing your child's eating habits. You may even find that your child is completely 'normal' and you were actually holding unrealistic expectations.

The good news is that food-fights need not be part of your daily routine!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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The Four Keys to Ending Food Wars

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

We've all been there... the day that our once-compliant and well-fed baby turns her nose up at meal-time, followed by a clear and concise 'no!'. She shakes her head and just plainly refuses a meal that mere days ago she gobbled down with delight! And before you know it, she's surviving on a diet of cheese curls and banana - refusing any other food-related material that tries to pass her lips...

How did this happen? And why? And... most importantly... will it ever end?

Firstly, let us start by saying that your toddler is not the first, nor will she be the last, to baffle a parent at possibly every mealtime for months on end...

The reason for this is because the first year of life is one of tremendous growth, where a baby can triple its birth weight. Yes - that is some serious growing, and nutrition is very important to support this growth. However, from gaining around 6kgs in the first year, your toddler will only gain around 1-2kgs in her second year. Therefore, she doesn't need as much food as she once did.

This reduction in appetite, coupled with a complete lack of a social understanding of food, creates a toddler who often is not hungry and doesn't want to eat at mealtimes. Your toddler simply does not understand that breakfast time means sitting down to eat - unlike adults who will often eat at prescribed mealtimes (whether or not they are hungry), because we have a strong social understanding of eating (which our toddlers have yet to learn).

Now, there is little you can do to increase a toddler's appetite, but there are certain key points to remember to make it easier to coax your little one into eating at mealtimes. This is important to try to achieve, as you are laying the foundation of your toddler's social and emotional connections to food during the second year of life.

1. Don't fall back on a bottle of milk...

The most important key to remember is that your toddler must be hungry enough to want to eat. So, cast your mind as to what you are feeding your toddler and when. Then ask yourself if your toddler is simply not hungry enough to try that balanced meal you worked so hard to prepare?

One of the biggest culprits in keeping toddlers' tummies full is too much milk. According to Ann Richardson (author of Toddlersense), your toddler needs only about 400mls of normal milk per day, and this includes sources such as yogurt and cheese as well. Ann suggests two bottles per day only - one in the early morning and one at night before bed.

Many parents decide to give their toddler a bottle of milk when they've skipped a meal in order to ensure that they're getting enough 'goodness' into them... However, this is only serving to fill your toddler's tummy and make her even less likely to try to eat at mealtimes.

On the contrary, it is in her best interest to make sure that she is hungry enough to want to explore new tastes and textures at mealtime - or else your toddler might get stuck at eating only a limited number of foods for many years to come!

2. Don't overlook those empty calories...

The second culprit is feeding your toddler empty calories - such as cheese curls, biscuits and the like.  Because these snacks taste good, a toddler will almost 'inhale' them in a gleeful mini-binge... however, these foods are once again taking up valuable tummy-space and are leaving your toddler with a feeling of being full. And... come meal-time... your toddler isn't hungry enough to eat.

Don't skip the snacks altogether, since there is much research that supports six small meals a day in order to keep your blood sugar levels constant. However, make these healthy snacks and time them so that they are not too close to meal-times.


3. Just relax...

Often, when a toddler doesn't eat they're greeted with Mom making airplane noises as the food 'flies' into their mouths, while Dad is dancing and singing a tune - all in an effort to get her to eat... Naturally, this is entertaining and your little one will want more, and she knows that to make this happen again, all she has to do is refuse to eat...

In short, when your toddler refuses to eat, don't make a big fuss. Try simply removing the plate and telling her, "Don't worry honey, you don't have to eat. When you're hungry, you tell Mommy," at which point you can offer the food she refused earlier. No fuss, no pleading, no amazing entertainment show...


4. Set the tone...

During the second and third years of life, your toddler is closely studying the key people in her life for their responses to their environment. In that way she learns a great deal about the world around her, including what is desirable and what is not desirable. Toddlers are not called 'little sponges' for nothing.

Because of this, it is important to model for your child how much you enjoy eating healthy, good food. Use facial expressions and words to show them how much you enjoy eating, and why not put an apple up as a reward for being good instead of a chocolate? 

Conversely, if you have a dislike for a certain food (for me, it's peanut butter), don't pass this onto your children. I ensure that I offer my children foods that I don't necessarily like, because they might like them one day!

It may seem obvious now, but let's recap:

Toddlers are no longer as hungry as they once were because they are simply not growing as fast as they did when they were babies. Toddlers have no social or emotional concept of food, so they still have to learn why they need to eat at certain times. As parents, it is our role to introduce our toddlers to the social, nurturing and comforting value of good food, but it is often difficult, especially when we don't allow them to become hungry enough to want to eat. If we never allow our toddlers to associate hunger with the relief of eating nutritious food, they will most likely continue to refuse food at mealtimes.

So, become a 'food detective' and figure out if you're often n allowing your toddler to become hungry enough to be motivated to enjoy good food and experiment with new tastes at mealtimes. A child will never starve itself, although many will embark on 'hunger strikes' that will send a parent into an emotional and mental tizz... But hold steadfast, and at least allow your toddler to opportunity to feel a bit hungry at times, as well as the awesome satisfaction that good food brings afterwards.

These tips may not completely fix the frustrations and fears that parents face at mealtimes with a toddler, because toddlers are toddlers after all! However, they may go a long way towards making it a little easier to deal with this common stage in development.

Good luck!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

A great tip for dealing with BIG change!



Example of a page from a personalised book
Design by Loren Stow

 When you know your child is going to experience a big change, such as starting a new school, moving house, or the arrival of a new sibling, there is a creative and effective idea that has worked well for many moms and dads. Its basically a parent-led visualisation exercise for young children which helps our little ones to ‘make pictures in their minds-eye’ that works for them!

Create a book for your child, filled with real photographs and words that are applicable to the change they are experiencing. In this way, you can ‘paint a picture’ for your child of their world – and, when they recognise this ‘picture’ in their real life, they are filled with an immense security and feelings of everything being ‘just right’ in their world.

How to create the book:
(You can apply the ideas below to any major event)


New School:


Take photographs of your child during his school day. The pictures should include activities (in sandpit, on the swing, building blocks, dancing to the music etc.), people (teacher, headmaster, assistants, friends etc.), and things (the classroom, the bathroom, their school bag, their lunchbox etc).

Using your computer, make pages where you have the picture and a ‘story’ beneath each. For example, “Here is Johnny in the sandpit, playing with his friends,” and “This is Miss Henderson, Johnny’s teacher” etc.

Print the pages and slip them into a flip file.

New Sibling:
(Here it is important to stress your child’s place in the home and family)

Take photographs of your child’s routine and home life, including (as above) activities (bath time, bedtime, mealtime, playtime), people (mommy, daddy, nanny, the pets etc), and things (bed, bath, blanket, favourite toy etc).

Again, put a short ‘story’ under each picture and print the pages to be inserted into a flip file.

You can now read your special book over and over again, giving your child a certainty of how everything is ‘as it should be’ in his world. By repeating the story again and again, you are guiding your child in understanding his world and creating a sense of predictability and the security that goes along with that.

Tips to focus on when creating your child’s book:


• Routines and sequences of events (including small details such as picking up toys after play time, getting into pyjamas after bath time etc.).


• Specific places where things happen (such as mealtimes, playtime etc).


• Objects that are used.


• Try to have your child in the pictures (it is about him after all).


• Ensure that the book is realistic (don’t paint a picture that is far from the truth, because then it will just be confusing. Stay as close to reality as possible...)

Beyond the practical and emotional benefit of giving your child their very own personalised book, you are also creating a life-long memory for your child and a great gift for grandparents! You can ‘up the ante’ and even try your hand at digital scrapbooking, creating not just a book, but a colourful work of art that will catch your little one’s eye and will be treasured forever.

There are many free digital scrapbooking downloads available on the internet (try http://www.shabbyprincess.com/), and so this does not have to cost a fortune at all. Just a bit of time (which is very precious, we know...) and some creative inspiration is all that is needed!

Why not give it a try? Your child will find it easier to deal with big changes in his world, you will get to create something truly special, and the result will document your child’s special world for a lifetime.

Words: Loren Stow

when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*If you are interested in doing a book for your child, but don't have the time, email Loren to get a quote on designing your child's unique book for you - info@lorenstow.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

10 Easy-Peasy Everyday Reading Ideas

Image Source: http://www.thedailygreen.com/

Our last post was about the importance of early reading (if you missed it, go here), and today we’re sharing some simple and inspiring tips that can make practicing reading simple, as long as you recognise the opportunities!

1. Set the scene for Dreamland: Help your child to wind down at bedtime by switching on a dim nightlight and lighting a candle. Read the last story for the day in a quiet tone of voice and end it off with a calming hug and a kiss. Whisper 'goodnight' as you let your child blow out the candle as part of the ritual (only once!)

2. Pack a snack and a book: When you're going someplace that you suspect you'll be waiting for a while (like the doctor’s office), don't only pack a snack, include one or two favourite books to read while you wait! This demonstrates to your child that reading is something worth planning for.

3. Read while you shop: The next time you go shopping with your children, don't forget to look out for and read notices, signs and labels to them. When possible, point to whatever you’re reading to focus your child’s attention on the written word. And while you're in the car, why not make it a fun game to read number plates, road signs, street names and other interesting billboards?

4. Add words to real-life pictures. Print out extra copies of your digital pictures; stick pieces of paper on them and write on it, e.g. “Daddy gives Mommy a hug.” “Stephen brushes his teeth. He gets ready for bed.” “Milo is a happy dog. He wags his tail when he sees us.” Put these pictures in an appropriately sized photo-album or laminate them and ask any printing shop in a shopping mall to ring-bind it into a book for you.

5. Far and Away: The next time you take a long business trip, photocopy one or two of your child’s favourite books ahead of time. Read to your child over the speaker phone at bed time, while your spouse helps your little one to turn the pages of the original book at the right times.

From 3 years onwards:

6. Sit back and relax: Record your (or a grandparent’s) voice as you read a story. If needed, use a video recorder and cover the screen so that you record only the sound. Using a teaspoon, ding on a glass to indicate page turns. On nights when you’re too tired to function you can sit with your child and turn the pages together. These recordings of loved ones sharing of themselves can become priceless family heirlooms.

7. Love those Labels: Label common objects in your home by writing words like ‘door’, ‘bed’, ‘chair’, and ‘bath’ etc. on pieces of paper and attaching the labels to the real objects. Hand-write your labels so that you can make sure the letters look similar to how your child’s Grade One teacher will one day teach him to form his letters. Also, leave the capitals and use only small letters.

8. SOUND it - don’t SPELL it: Children love to discover which sounds are represented by various letters, for example ‘s’ represents the s–sound as in ssssnake. However, keep in mind, when your child asks you to sound a word out for him, you’ll be helping him make the link between the letter and the sound better if you simply break the word up into separate sounds. Steer clear of using the names of the letters of the alphabet to spell the word for your child. For example, instead of spelling the word 'b', 'a', 't', 'h', rather say, 'buh-aa-th'.

9. Stick it in your pocket: Create a 'reading pocket' in your jacket where you collect all the interesting things you've read in the day, a cartoon from your daily newspaper, a fortune cookie message, a greeting card etc. When you get home you can share your wonderfully special 'finds' with your little one!

10. Give them a cooking-clue: The next time you bake cookies or cook with your children, let them see how you read the recipe step-by-step. Then line up all the ingredients before you start, and show your child how he can point to the ingredients from left to right, while naming each one out loud, for example flour, eggs, butter, milk, baking powder, and vanilla. This prepares him for reading words from left to right one day!


We hope this post has inspired in you ideas on how to make reading an everyday (simple) opportunity. It can be fun, it can be silly, and most of all it can be a wonderful opportunity to learn and share.

Just a quick note - our next post on Friday will be all about choosing the right gift for the right age this Christmas. So, if you're planning on doing your Christmas shopping this or next weekend, this post will come in really handy!


Words: Loren Stow

Comments or reading tips? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za when we know better... we do better

The 3 Secrets of Early Reading

Image Source: http://www.scusd.edu/

I remember as a little girl that I loved to read - I would even pretend to read my mother stories that I had learned to memorise. When I learned to write, my love of words was further extended, and I would re-write by hand poems and songs that I loved to listen to.

However, as we get older, we are bombarded wherever we go by the written word whether it be through advertising, logos, memos, emails, sms's, or monthly post... The 'magic' of reading is lost and we can begin to think that reading is just one of many ways to interact with our children.

The benefits of reading are obvious for most parents - increased language, better grades at school, exercising memory and understanding skills etc. - the list goes on and on. However, there are certain benefits of reading that are unique to sitting down and opening a book... irreplaceable with any other experience...

We know that most parents understand the more obvious benefits of reading, so today we want to look at three priceless benefits that you wouldn't necessarily think about when choosing to sit down with your child and a book and open that first page....

It's about Love

Reading to a child communicates love and acceptance to a child primarily in two ways - firstly, through physical touch, and secondly through sharing an experience that fosters emotional closeness.

We've written before on the blog about just how important Love is to learning - it is the 'thing' that makes all learning stick.  And the beauty of reading with your child is that it is about more than just pictures and words on a page - it is about Love.

Imagine a scene where a dad is reading to his son. The son is sitting on his father's lap, enveloped in his arms, and both of them are fixated on the book in front of them. Dad is reading each word with emphasis, his tone and inflection changing, and his facial expressions mimicking what he's reading. He suddenly roars (like a lion...) and his son laughs and curls even closer to his dad... Can you see it? Can you see what we're trying to describe?

As parents, we can sometimes see reading a chore... But for a child, reading is about Love.  It is a time when his mom or dad physically and emotionally 'comes down' to his level and there is a closeness. He comes to anticipate the funny monkey sounds or the knock-knock-knocking that are coming on the next page... his excitement and joy are barely contained...

Reading fosters Love - it is about sharing, one-on-one with your child. It is about opening up a world of fairy tales, or dinosaurs, or farm animals or whatever it is... It is about taking your child's hand and guiding them through a door into a world where they will be given anything their heart desires...

Teaching your child to associate love and closeness with reading is possibly the best foundation you could ever lay for your child in terms of academics, social skills, and increasing language and therefore intellectual development. This is because the pleasant memories create in a child a hunger for more... But more than that, reading gives you an opportunity to be close, to share a moment, to laugh together and Love together.

Its about finding a familiar place in the world

As parents, we assume that children get bored of reading the same book over and over again, but contrary to this popular belief, children actually thrive on this predictability. To a child, being able to predict what is going to happen on the next page is equal to being able to predict his world and understand his place in it, making him feel safe and secure. Predictability is one of the most fundamental emotional and intellectual needs of a child, and reading is the easiest way for a parent to almost exactly recreate an entire 20 minute experience over and over again, day after day.

Repetition is of course also a strong foundation of learning - because children learn through seeing, hearing and experiencing the same thing over and over again.

It's about doing what works

Another common misconception is that books are often seen as 'old fashioned' and parents are tempted to replace them with seemingly more modern stimulation, such as television, dvd's, video games, computers, and battery-operated toys with moving parts and flashing lights...

The difference between these 'new and improved' types of stimulation and reading, is that reading (and story-telling) will always be the number one activity that requires of a child to actively use his brain to make it fun. In order for reading to 'make sense' and be enjoyable, your child needs to use various parts of his brain to process the activity. As opposed to other more 'modern' stimulation, where a lot less is asked of his brain...

Finally it is important to understand that reading is a really high-functioning skill and nothing else, definitely not television, not educational games, not flash cards, not even something as precious as talking to your child or singing songs till the cows come home... nothing stimulates phonetic and phonological awareness (which is absolutely crucial for reading readiness) quite as much as reading age-appropriate children's books with loads of rhyme and repetition, over and over again. Therefore, reading to a child not only fosters a love for reading, it actually wires a child's brain to be able to learn to read later on...

With this said, we hope that the next time you buy your child a book, or the next time you reorganise their book-shelf, you stop for a second and see a book for what it is... It is not only the best foundation for future reading abilities with all the good things that go along with that, but it is also a magical key to demonstrating your love for your child, and creating a safe and predictable place for him in our fast-paced world that can at times be so scary for little souls...

A book really is more than just the sum total of it's pages and colourful pictures - it is a gift; for you, for your child, for the future.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogam.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Middle Ear Infection Emergeny Kit

Image Source: http://www.buzzle.com/

In our last post, we discussed how middle ear infection can affect your child. The effects are often overlooked or unknown, and so we really felt passionate about sharing this with you, as a parent - if you missed the post, go here.

Today, we're looking at a communication 'Emergency Kit' - ways in which you can communicate with your child while they have this kind of infection, to ensure that you are maximising their ability to understand you. Please remember that fluid can remain on the ear for up to six weeks after the cold or allergy has been treated.

Sourced from an article written by Shannan H. Vines and Jo Rosenthal-Tanzer, both speech therapists, entitled Otitis Media and Speech and Language Development:

Structure the environment to help your child listen and learn by doing the following things:

• Get your child's attention before you begin talking. Call your child's name, tap your child's shoulder, or say "Look at me".
• Use gestures and facial expressions to help convey your meaning.
• Get down to your child's eye level.
• Emphasize word endings that may be difficult for your child to hear.
• Reduce background noise. Turn off the television and radio. Quiet other children playing in the room.
• Reduce physical activities during the communication process.

By doing these things, you are creating the ideal environment for your child to understand you and you will be minimising the possible negative effects that this kind of infection will have on your child's language development.


Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

How Hearing Impacts Learning

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According to Dr Vincent Iannelli of the American Association of Paediatrics,
50% of children under the age of 12 months will experience at least one episode of middle ear infection (otitis media), and between the ages of one and three, 35% of children will have repeated episodes.

When we consider how important hearing is to language development and learning, it is staggering to imagine that many children will spend months of their formative years in a murky silence... not understanding clearly what is being said to them...

What is Middle Ear Infection?

Middle ear infection is caused by fluid build up on the middle ear, which affects the ear's ability to process sound properly. It's one thing to know this and another to understand what this actually means for your child.

To get an idea of how a child with middle ear-infection hears, put your hands over your ears tightly and ask another adult to read to you. It is really difficult to hear that person, especially if they aren't facing you and even more when there are background noises or other distractions occurring. 

Middle ear infection can be caused by a common cold, allergies or irritants such as cigarette smoke - and it can happen to any child.


How Middle Ear Infection Impacts Language Development

Middle ear infections affect your child's ability to hear high-frequency sounds such as consonants, and especially those consonants at the end of words. So, for example, you might say 'bat' but your child hears 'back'. He or she will also struggle to hear short words such as 'to', 'but' or 'and'.

Living in this murky and muffled world is obviously frustrating for children, and they can often become tired or just plain bored with trying to understand what on earth you're trying to say. It just becomes too difficult, or even impossible, to focus on the finer details and nuances that makes language what it is. And of course, these finer details are so important because they can change the whole meaning of a sentence.

This has obvious and serious affects on language development, resulting in speech delays, problems with focusing attention, poor self-esteem, social problems, reading problems, and inability to follow instructions.

The real life implications of these delays is a child who is often 'left behind' in social settings. Older children (over the age of three years) who have experienced frequent episodes of these infections when they were younger often don't add the detail at the end of words, such as final consonants, past tense or plurals.

These infections often go 'unheard'

What often happens with middle ear infections is that sometimes it doesn't present with pain, so your child will not even indicate that there is something wrong. Your child cannot hear properly, but they don't have a big enough frame of reference to understand that they're not hearing properly...

Another misconception is that once it a cold or allergy is treated, the infection goes away. The truth of the matter is that the fluid can remain in the ear, affecting hearing, for up to six weeks after an infection or cold clears.

Because of this, it is important to know and look out for the signs that your child may have middle ear infection or still has fluid on the ear.

Symptoms of Middle Ear Infection

• Ear aches or draining of the ears
• Fever
• Partial loss of hearing
• Different responses to speech and everyday sounds
• Changes in sleeping or eating habits
• Irritability
• Rubbing or pulling on ears
• Having difficulty with balance
• Turning the TV or radio up louder than usual
• Frequent need to have directions and information repeated
• Talking less than usual
• Unclear speech
• Using gestures rather than talking
• Delayed speech and language development

How to prevent Middle Ear Infection

• Avoid irritants such as cigarette smoke and allergens
• Consider a day care solution with fewer than six children
• Always wash hands and keep toys (especially those that are put in a child's mouth) clean
• Breastfeeding, even if only for a few weeks, makes a baby less prone to these infections
• Don't overuse antibiotics, since this can breed ever-resistant bacteria
• Allow plenty of fresh air in the home to avoid air-borne germs
• Consult a nurse or doctor about available vaccines
• Don't put your child to bed with a bottle because the liquid can leak out and go into the small tube leading to the middle ear

The reason we believe this post is so important is because middle ear infection can often go unoticed - or when it is noticed, it is considered to be 'just one of those things'. It really important to ensure that your child is treated, and that as a parent, you know that recurrent infections can have a major impact on your child's ability to hear for long periods of time.

In our next post, we will be looking at an 'emergency kit' should your child have middle ear infection. What you can do maximise his ability to hear and ensure that he's not left behind in a 'murky' and silent world.


Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: We learn a great deal about typical development from those children who do not develop typically... Creating an ideal environment for development entails a 'recipe' with certain key ingredients - and we know which ingredients play which role when we look at what happens when one of them is missing. We hope that this post motivates our Practica Parents to have a new appreciation for the Group 4 Activities in the Parents' Guide, which are focused on developing listening skills in children.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

How to teach Manners - the 123 and ABC

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In our last post we discussed how important it is to guide your young child in developing good manners because it will affect his self-concept, create higher EQ and eventually culminate in more success later on life (if you missed the post, go here). However, we're still just human beings, and some clear directions come in handy from time to time!

So, this post is going to give you the '123 and ABC' of manners - what you can realistically expect, when and how!

Although we all know this as parents, it can't hurt to repeat it - children learn by example!  So, if you want to foster respect in your child, treat them and those in their world with respect. If you want your child to say 'please', use the term when you ask something of them. If you want your child to greet people warmly, then make sure you greet them and those in their world warmly as well. And the list goes on...

1 and 2 year olds
You can realistically add 'please' and 'thank you' to your child's vocabulary from when they are able to say a few words. Be consistent and after you're sure that your child knows the words well, prompt him to say them when requesting or receiving something.

Introducing your child to dinner-time around the table around the age of two is also great! Even if they've eaten already, give them a bowl of yogurt or fruit, so that they don't feel left out. Talk to your toddler during dinner to demonstrate the social side of family dinners and let him experiment with a spoon. There may be a bit of a mess, which is understandable, but don't allow him to make a mess for the sake of it. Remember to praise your child when you're done, for example, "What a good job you did eating with your spoon tonight buddy!"

Two-year-olds can also be taught to greet politely. You can start by practicing at home, with all his stuffed toys, creating a little 'pretend' visit where he says 'hello' and 'goodbye' to each toy. You can also prompt your little one when you're going to visit a friend by saying, "We're going to visit aunty Mary. When we get there we're going to say 'hello'". However, some little ones get 'stage fright' anyway when it comes to saying hello to real people, and in this instance you can say hello for your child, reinforcing the social principle.

Toddlers will rarely 'play nicely' without adult supervision, so be prepared to closely monitor play dates. Sometimes it helps to have a special 'play date toy box' with two of every toy, but if this is not possible and there is a single favourite toy that everyone wants a piece of, ensure that everyone gets a turn. In this way you can introduce your toddler to the word 'share'. Sometimes you may need to change the scenery by going outside or to another room. And don't forget to praise your toddler when he does share nicely.

3 and 4 year olds

It is important to remember that whatever rules you put in place need to apply both at home and while you're out. However, don't ever embarrass your child out in public, if he has done something that requires a talk, do so in a private place like a washroom. Also remember that if you threaten consequences, you need to be willing to follow through.

Your three-year-old can now learn to not interrupt. You can teach him to tap your leg or put his hand on your arm when he wants your attention while you're in mid-sentence. Simply putting your free hand on his will reassure him that you know he's there and that he's waiting his turn to talk to you. Unless he's in real distress, he can only benefit from learning to wait for 5 or 10 minutes.

Now is the age to build on the table-manners you started the previous year. Make a light-hearted game out of sitting still and straight up for up to 10 minutes or longer. You can expect him to use his napkin properly and eat with a spoon or fork correctly. In addition he should be drinking from a cup neatly and can learn to ask to be excused from the table. He is also old enough to help to lay and clear the table around dinner time.

Your child is also old enough now to follow some basic 'birthday party etiquette' - such as not going for the pile of gifts that are not for him. When it's his party, you can teach him to accept gifts graciously through role play - remember, children often learn better when a concept is demonstrated to them. Praising your child for his efforts is so important, and try not to sweat the small mistakes he might make.

Saying 'sorry' and accepting a 'sorry' is also important at this stage. As parents, we instinctively prompt our children to say 'sorry' when they've hurt someone or taken someone's toy, and just as we'd like them to say sorry, we also want them to learn to graciously accept an apology if they are on the receiving end of the 'offence'.

Most children won't be able to say 'sorry' and mean it until they're about 7-8 years old. So while your child is still far from reaching that milestone, you will need to help him understand why he needs to say 'sorry', otherwise the word will end up having an empty meaning for him. For example, you can say, "Johnny, see how sad Ben is that you took his toy? Please give his toy back and say 'sorry' to help Ben feel better."

Another way to teach 'sorry' is to do so yourself if you have been in the wrong with your child, if for instance you've lost your temper with him. If you - the 'invincible' parent - can apologise, then it becomes easier for your child to say 'sorry' too.

Around this age, young children can sometimes lash out and call people names like 'stupid'. If your child does this you can simply say, "We don't call people stupid, I will not have you talk like that," and remove your child from the situation, explaining that he can't be around his friends or family if he doesn't talk nicely.

By the age of four, most children can remember to use the words 'please' and 'thank you' appropriately. They can also remember to say 'excuse me' after burps, and greet people without being prompted. But again, don't feel as though you've failed if they forget every now and again - Rome was not built in a day after all!

5 and 6 year olds

Your child should now be able to sit around a dinner table with the rest of the family and guests in an appropriate way - sitting still, receiving food graciously, eating with utensils, chewing with his mouth closed etc. 

As always, role-play is always helpful as it builds self-confidence. So if you want to you can 'simulate' a restaurant dinner, light candles and put flowers on the table. Make sure to give your child a list of the manners you want to see around the table, and then reward him in some way for a job well done.

Dinner is a wonderful time to share and come together as a family. Practice asking each other questions about the day and sharing in a light-hearted way. Try to avoid making dinner-time a battle-zone by keeping lectures and comments about unfinished chores for other times of the day, away from the family dinner.

Manners, at this age, should be second nature for your child, as he behaves in a way that is acceptable to your family and your culture.

What is important to remember is that manners are taught - they do not just 'happen' to a child. When you give your child the gift of manners and the self-discipline that goes along with it, you are not only shaping the way in which they perceive themselves and the world, but equipping them with a higher EQ and the potential to be a truly successful citizen of the world.

Having said that (and again...), Rome was not built in a day. There is fine line between firmly and lovingly guiding your child, and becoming a dictator who dissects everything your child does. You know your child best, and you know when they're doing their level best - reward their efforts, tell them you're proud of them, and lead by loving example.

The key principle to remember when you're not sure if you're doing the right thing? "Teach your child that he or she is very important, but no more important than anyone else."

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

3 Reasons to start manners early

I vaguely remember a time before I joined the legion of parents out there, looking at other people's children and thinking smugly to myself... "I would never let my child get away with that..." or "I can't believe how badly behaved that child is, my child will never do that..."

Then... I had my own children! And now it's a whole new ball game. I can now understand just how difficult it is to shape my children's behaviour in a positive way, and just how much time and effort it really takes. It's not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, I am sure you will agree? But still, I hope and pray that my children will one day be abundantly blessed with that magic social gift call 'manners'.

So how is it done - how do I bestow upon my little charges the very important gift of manners? What can be expected at their various ages and stages of development? When do I start? How do I start?

These are all questions that I think most parents ask, because we're all secretly hoping that on the other side of the 'tantrum curtain' is the little angel that we know exists in there... somewhere...

Common Questions

Many parents wonder why they should teach their children 'respectful' behaviour before the age of 7-8, which is when they really only start to understand the concept of 'respect'.

For example, why force a two-year-old, who is at a very difficult stage socially, to say 'please' and 'thank you' when they don't understand the words? Is that not being unreasonable? Surely, children who grow up in an environment where other people are being considerate to them will eventually choose to turn into considerate human beings - when they are good and ready to do so?

It's a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg? In other words, does a child have to understand respect in order to behave respectfully?

Well, in our research we have found three important reasons to strive to teach our children to be as well-mannered as reasonably possible from early on - firstly, acting respectfully leads to being respectful; secondly, good manners help pave the way to a higher EQ; and thirdly, manners teaches self-control which leads to success.

Acting respectfully leads to being respectful

Parents who put manners on the back-burner until their child is old enough to develop his own convictions about the matter, usually find themselves in a rather precarious situation. The reality of the situation is that it becomes difficult for the parents and others in their child's life to act as if their child is a blessing and a joy to be around if he's running around like a self-centered mini-dictator... no matter how understanding they try to be.

The development of this child's self-concept is not put on the back-burner along with the manners - no matter how young he is, the way in which those around him react to him continually shapes the way in which he perceives himself and the world around him. If people are constantly irritated and annoyed in this child's company, he will come to view himself as 'irritating' and learn that the world is cold and unwelcoming to someone who is as 'unlikeable' as he is.

On the other hand, approving smiles, appreciative looks, and positive comments from parents and other people can have an almost miraculously positive impact on a child's developing self-concept. It therefore makes sense to teach a child to be pleasant and courteous to people, even if he doesn't really yet understand the concept underlying this behaviour.

Then, by the time a child is old enough to truly understand what respect means, he will have three good reasons to continue being respectful. 1) He has been treated with respect within his own family and social circle many times before and knows that it feels good. 2) He has treated others with respect many times before and knows it makes them feel good. 3) He is used to thinking of himself as a 'nice boy' and acting in a way that is contrary to this is unthinkable to him. Being 'respectful' is just a more grown-up way of looking at it!

Good manners help pave the way to a higher EQ

Just like a child can be born with an amazing aptitude of music or sport, which may never be realised due to lack of opportunities, a child can also be born with the potential to develop a high emotional intelligence (EQ) and never reach this potential due to lack of guidance.

One of the most important components of EQ is a person's ability to effectively 'read' what other people are feeling and respond accordingly. Since having good manners is in essence about being sensitive to the needs and feelings of other people, teaching manners is a wonderfully practical way to help your child develop his emotional intelligence.

For example, when your child wipes his mouth on the tablecloth, you can remind him to use his napkin and make sure to bring other people's feelings into the picture by adding, "The reason why we wipe our mouths on napkins is because we want to keep the table looking nice and clean for all the other people who are also eating."

Another example is when your child interrupts you while you're on the phone. You can say, "You're interrupting. It's Granny on the phone. Mommy loves Granny. I need to speak to her. You'll have to wait for a while." Then hold your child's hand if need be so that he knows that you know that he's waiting. Continue talking for a few minutes, unless your child is in physical distress or danger.

No child can develop exceptional social skills without learning somewhere along the line that his feelings and needs are very important, but no more important than the feelings and needs of the other people in his world.

Manners teaches self control which leads to success

Dr Walter Mischel, psychologist specialising in personality theory and social psychology at the University of Columbia, studied hundreds of four-year-olds. In his study, each child was left alone in a room with a one-way-mirror for 15-20 minutes with a marshmallow on a plate in front of them. Before leaving the room 'to run an errand', the doctor explained that the child was allowed to eat the marshmallow, but if they could wait for him to return, they would get two marshmallows to eat!

Only one-third of the children were able to wait for his return and the reward of an extra marshmallow.

Follow-up studies of the children who were able to wait revealed that when these children were old to enough to graduate from high school, they scored higher on achievement tests. They also dealt with stress better and were more popular with their peers.

Researchers now know that there is an area in the brain called the 'dorsal frontomedian cortex', which is situated just above the eyes. This area is responsible for a person's ability to exercise self-control. Interestingly - and importantly - although it is one of the last areas of the brain to mature, its wiring starts at a very young age.

The more your child uses this area in his brain, even when he's only a toddler, the more densely it is wired. In other words, the more your child gets the opportunity to practice his ability to exert self-control, the easier it becomes (this is where all grandparents spontaneously applaud)!

Luckily we are not suggesting boot camps for toddlers! Dr Daniel Goleman, hugely successful psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence (which was on the New York best-sellers list for 18 months and has sold five million copies worldwide in 30 different languages), says that parents can help a child develop self-control by doing nothing more than being good parents.

Instead of leaving it up to the child to figure out for themselves how they should behave, parents should be present to direct and influence their child's behaviour. Dr Goleman describes that this can be achieved by consistently saying 'no' to your child when he does something undesirable, encourage him to try again when he is frustrated by a challenging task and remind him to mind his manners in various situations.

The reason why parents' reminders eventually become internalised is because they are literally wired into their child's brain over time. "Habits shape character and character determines destiny."

So, when you're frustrated and feeling as though your efforts are simply falling into a bottomless black pit (also known as the 'terrible twos')... remember, you are making a difference to your child's development which will set the course of his life. Just like a river starts with a small trickle of water and grows bigger and wider and stronger as it gets closer to the ocean, so too will your efforts eventually accumulate to create a 'tide of manners'.


Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Practica Parents: We specifically develop emotional intelligence with games from 0-7 years, but ALL the Practica games actually develop EQ! Why? Because EQ has to do with how well a person can read and react to his own and other people’s emotions and control his own attitude and behaviour, and every Practica activity is an ideal opportunity to model and teach these skills in the right way at every age. Now that is Parent Power!


If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

The "Dad-Manual"

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

Dads are so important in their children's lives - from day one (if you missed the post on why dads are so important, go here). However, many dads don't know what is expected of them, or how to be their best. Don't worry! All parents - moms and dads alike - struggle to find their place and feel comfortable. It is process that gets easier over time.

In the meantime, we've sourced some tips from Steve and Shaaron Biddulph's book called "Raising a happy child in the precious years from birth to six":

Make Time
In today's society, this is a big one. Many fathers work long hours in order to provide for their families, but they do need to make the time to be with their children, everyday if possible.
Try to negotiate flexi-time with your employer, or go into work late two mornings a week. Perhaps you can get home early and work later, after the kids are bed?
Whatever your approach, make sure that your time spent with your children is packed with opportunity - so switch off that TV and take it outside - give your children 100% when you are around.

Start Early
Get involved in your baby's care - early bonding between father and baby has a huge impact later down the line. So, change those nappies, give them a bath, get involved in feeding and dressing. Be as involved as possible from the very first days.

Be Warmer
Give lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles. Read to your children, or sing them songs. If you weren't given much affection as a child by your father - now is the time to learn how special this can be.

Lighten Up
See your time with your children as a joy and not a chore or obligation. By spending time with them, you will start to enjoy them and get to know them. Fathers are often serious, carrying heavy burdens of responsibility and these feelings can often carry over into childcare - look forward to your time with your children and enjoy them.
The goal for you would be to see your time with your children as a 'stress-reliever' and not a 'stress-builder', and if it's not like that for you, then see it as a catalyst for you to change whatever you need to in order to make it work for you.

Heavy Down
Some dads fit comfortably into the 'good-time fun person', leaving all the heavy work to the moms. Get involved in chores, homework, discipline, decisions on schooling and the future. Fathers can make a huge difference when it comes to decision making. Be willing to carry the load when it comes to making final decisions in your house. Men are generally less emotionally-charged when it comes to making decisions, and this helps to stabilise the emotional climate in your house. It also gives your child a model on how to deal with uncertainties.

Don't do it alone
Be on the lookout for support from other dads or from family members. If being an involved father makes you feel alienated, try to actively pursue friendships that support the role that you are playing in your children's lives.

Be a proud dad
You are one of a kind - and to your children, you are their only dad. Be proud of the job you're doing and be proud of your children. You are their super-hero.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za
*Practica Parents: Practica Dads report that they prefer doing activities that involve challenges (like those listed under gross and fine motor development). They have explained how writing a list of games on a piece of paper and putting the relevant toys from the box aside, allows them to plan ahead and be prepared to have fun with their children.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

The "Dad-Factor"

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

There is no doubt that moms and dads instinctively do things differently. I know that in my interactions with my children, I tend to choose to sing to them, read to them, hold them gently and generally be soft and loving.

My husband however, naturally creates fun and challenges our children. He throws them up in the air, gets them doing somersaults, jumping off the couch crashing into pillows, giving them 'good' frights... you get the picture. And, when it comes to dad, he gives my children more freedom, lets them try things that make me cringe (like walking freely in a gift shop filled to the rafters with breakables... sitting unaided in the bath... climbing to impossible heights on the jungle-gym... oh my heart!).

Other than giving your children a really fun time, and causing mothers everywhere near heart-attacks, fathers make a crucial contribution to their children's development. This is good news really. We've known for ever that there are certain things that only mothers can do, and it is high time that dads get their slice of 'recognition pie'. 

Sometimes dads today are really stretched, having to provide for their families and being more involved in parenting duties than previous generations, and they sometimes wonder if their contribution is really so important - if it's worth going the extra mile so to speak. We can, without a doubt, say Yes - it is worth it, and here's why:

In an article called "How do fathers fit in?" by CIVITAS (The Institute for the Study of Civil Society in Britain), directed by Dr David Green, we learn that fathers are unique in two very special ways.

Firstly, fathers play differently and that has a massive impact on child development. Secondly, and most interestingly, it is what fathers don't do that makes them so special...

Fathers Play Differently
My husband is not alone. Scientific studies have found that fathers tend to be more boisterous, adventurous and exciting in their play than their mommy-counterparts. Imagine for a second a father playing with his child - throwing, tumbling, wrestling, holding a toy just out of reach, loud bursts of laughter, unpredictability, and high energy. And then, when your child is just about to burst from excitement, father calms them and models self constraint, teaching siblings to take turns...

A father is teaching his child trust when he jumps from the couch into his arms. He is teaching his child problem solving skills, goal orientation and perseverance when he holds the ball just out of reach. He is teaching self-control and social skills when he models how to play 'nicely'. He makes it acceptable to have a competitive and driven spirit, revelling in feelings of accomplishment.

Fathers Act Differently
Fathers are less prone to 'hellicopter parenting' and allow their toddlers to do things that would make most mother's hair grey - like running free in a gift shop, bathing themselves, feeding themselves, and generally exploring their worlds with less restriction than mother's usually impose.... need I say more?
This is teaching a child about self-sufficiency, self-esteem and skill development. In fact, studies have found that developing social skills and self-esteem has less to do with the mother and more with the father's interaction.

Fathers just being fathers seem to naturally nurture and develop their children's sense of industry, competence and responsibility.

To wrap up I quote from an interview on the Evolution of Dad website, with Yale-Based Professor and specialist in child and adolescent psychiatry, Dr Kyle Pruett:

"One of the most important things about dad is that he is not mom... and that the world beyond mom really begins with dad. Children who've had involved fathers often can take a bigger slice of the world and not be scared by it.

I think one of the other barriers to involved fathering is that society perpetuates this equation in stone - that the distant, productive, 'bring home the bacon' father is the only way to really love your children. Children wouldn't buy into that for a minute! They need to know who this guy is, why he's in their life, why he loves them, and what he loves about them.

If you want to reduce gang membership, teen-pregnancy, dropping out of school, abuse and neglect of children, and substance abuse, you can do it by engaging fathers early and often in the lives of their children.

We know this from the science, we know it makes sense. It's not easy, but it absolutely works! It works on these problems like aspirin on a headache. And our failure to connect the dots here with what we know, is a huge unfinished problem. And our children absolutely deserve for us to stop fooling around and fix this."

For the in-depth article from CIVITAS on father's role, visit http://www.civitas.org.uk/hwu/fathers.php 

For more about Inspired Fathering, visit http://www.evolutionofdad.com/

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

comments? please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: Fathers sometimes find it difficult, after a day at work dealing with adult issues, to enter their child's world. The Practica Program offers age-appropriate games and activities that fathers can do as part of their lifestyle, and by simply following easy instructions they can engage their children and bond on their level.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za