Asking and answering questions made simple

Image: www.lorenstow.co.za

Most parents can agree that it is incredibly frustrating when your baby or toddler wants something but can’t communicate what it is… You don’t know what to get them or do for them, and they get increasingly frantic… Another example is when you know that your child knows something, but when you ask them a question about it, all you get is a blank stare, like when you ask your child to show you the blue crayon and all of a sudden they can’t.

    With this in mind, we thought it would be fitting to do a post on how to teach your child to ask and answer questions. It is not as difficult as it sounds and is based firmly on encouraging your child to take part in his day-to-day activities while giving him a running commentary of what’s happening and why.

    Other than the obvious benefit of being able to understand what your child wants, teaching him how to ask to questions will also boost his confidence, help him to learn more about what’s going on around him in his world, and eventually increase his social skills.

Learning to ask

The process of teaching your child how to ask questions is, as with everything else, an on-going ‘dance’ that will continue well into adolescence, but you can get started from about the age of 21 months.

Question skills generally follow a typical order as follows:


2 yrs             Q: Yes/No     Eg: May I go?
2yrs              Q: What       Eg: What is this?
2 ½ yrs         Q: Where      Eg: Where is my shoe?
2 ½ - 3 yrs    Q: Who         Eg: Who is that?
4 – 5 yrs       Q: Why         Eg: Why is he crying?
4 – 5 yrs       Q: How         Eg: How did you make that?
5 – 6 yrs       Q: When       Eg: When is she coming?

“What” and “Where” questions develop first because at that stage a child is typically more interested in the names and locations of various things in their world. The “Why” and “How” questions develop from age four because this is when children start to think in more abstract terms. And the “When” questions develop after a child has learned a concept of time.

Why do some children struggle to ask questions?

There could be three reasons, and if your child is struggling at all it may be a good idea to see which area could use some attention. In order to ask a question your child needs to:

1. Know how to put words together to form questions
2. Have the thinking skills to think of something to ask
3. Trust that the other person is going to react positively

Encourage your child to ask questions

• You can start by modelling the behaviour and showing your child how people think about certain things, and then answer your own questions, for example “What is this? A feather!” or “What are we going to do next? Close the door!”

• Give your full attention when your child is asking a question, get down to their eye level and be patient, allowing enough time for the question to be asked.

• Answer your child’s questions – when you do this your child knows that they have been successful and their self-confidence is boosted.

• If you don’t understand the question, ask your child to repeat it or to try and show you. If your child hasn’t asked correctly or hasn’t used words, repeat their question in a simple, correct way and then answer it. For example, if your child points at their juice on the table you can say, “You want your juice? Here, mommy will get your juice for you.”

Learning to answer

The ability to answer questions develops at roughly the same rate as the ability to ask questions, and it’s a good idea to meet your child where they are at. So, if your child is asking “Why” questions, then you can assume that he can answer “Why” questions as well.

    The best time to ask questions is when you and your child are engrossed in an activity together. Wait and watch your child and see what his attention is on, and then ask a question about that. Make sure you have your child’s full attention before asking the question and allow your child some time to answer the question, creating a calm and accepting atmosphere.

    As a parent, it’s important to ask your child questions, but don’t overdo it and become like 00-Mom/Dad… It is all too easy to dominate the conversation. Try using questions to discover what your child is thinking and what he knows so that you know how to relate to him, rather than turning the conversation into a test or a lesson.

    And don’t forget, questions like “You know what?” are your child’s way of getting your attention so that they can share something with you – so respond with interest and love, and most of all have fun!

The Practica Team
parents who know better... do better


Comments? Suggestions? Or simply want to be added to the emailed updates? Contact lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Concentration - your child's mental workout!

Picture: http://blogs.simplyfun.com/

Parents often phone into the Practica Program Advisory Service asking why concentration is not listed as a ‘skill’ in the Parent’s Guide. This is because most parents want to help grow their children’s ability to concentrate. We agree that it is very important and felt this was indeed a topic to discuss!

What is concentration?

Let’s start off by saying that concentration is a term that describes the brain’s ability to keep on going at a task, much like the term ‘fitness’ describes the body’s ability to keep on going during a sport’s game.

    Researchers can use PET scans to point out different regions in the brain that control speech, analytical reasoning, emotional experiences, visual processing, auditory processing, motor skills and so on – but there is no region in the brain that can be pointed out as the ‘concentration’ hotspot. So instead of viewing concentration as a ‘skill’ on its own, it helps to think of concentration as being ‘mentally fit’.

How does a child naturally learn to concentrate for longer?
As discussed in earlier posts, a child’s brain is ‘wired’ during the early years of life, mainly during the first 3 years, and up to early-school-years. (If you missed that post, click here.) Two interesting processes go along with this ‘wiring’ process: (1) myelination and (2) the development of brain cohesion.

    1. Myelination: We know by now that activities which use the brain will develop a stronger neural network of connections between brain cells. As this process unfolds, a waxy covering develops around each and every neural connection that acts as ‘insulation’ in the same way as one would like to insulate an electrical wire to keep the sparks from flying all over the place. The more a certain region of the brain is used, the thicker these myelin sheaths develop around the brain cell connections in that area, and the smoother and more quickly information will travel there.

    As this process of myelination progresses throughout the various regions of a child’s brain, the child gradually learns to process information more effectively, focus his attention better, and keep going for longer. In other words – he learns to ‘concentrate’.

    2. Brain cohesion: The more various regions of the brain are used together in combinations, the better they learn to ‘talk’ to each other. That is called ‘brain cohesion.’ Interestingly, different tasks require different combinations of brain regions to work together.

    For example, as a child listens to a story while looking at the illustrations, he uses a special combination of brain regions that include those that process sounds, visual images, language, emotions, logical sequences and memory. However, when the same child looks at an instruction card to build a construction with blocks, he also uses the visual part, but now combines it with other regions, like those that control eye-hand coordination and logical reasoning.

    The more a certain combination of brain regions work together, the better they learn to talk to each other – it’s as if the information gets to travel on big highways between regions that are used together often, as opposed to having to travel on little footpaths between other regions of the brain.

    This explains why parents often report that a child can ‘concentrate at home’ but not at school. The simple explanation is that a formal school environment expects of the child to use combinations of brain regions together that he may not often get the opportunity to use together at home or in a pre-school. A good example of this would be a child who seldom listens to stories, but loves to play blocks can easily get to the point where he plays with his blocks for 30 minutes, but continues to ‘space out’ or start talking about other things after listening to a story (or a lesson) for 3 minutes!

How to train your child to concentrate for longer:

Step 1: Start by determining your child’s developmental level.
Many parents do not understand just how long their child should be able to concentrate for at any given age, so here is a practical age-by-age list:

Age and concentration in minutes

1 year = 1 minute

1,5 years = 2 minutes

2 years = 3 minutes

2,5 years = 5 minutes 

3 years = 10 minutes

4 years = 15 minutes

5 years = 20 minutes

6 years = 25 minutes 

    The most that a child of six years or older can concentrate for is 25 minutes, which is why the South African Department of Education has chosen to structure all school lessons in 25-30 minute intervals. In fact, most adults are also only able to really tolerate 25 minutes of concentration at a time as well.

Note to Practica Parents: One of the greatest benefits of the Practica Program is that the activities listed for every age group in the Parents' Guide has been specifically selected to last as long as a typical child of that age is able to concentrate.

Step 2: Build from the bottom up.
A person wanting to run the comrades marathon will start with a 10 minute walk once a day and build up to a point where they are fit enough to take on an 80km run, and again, this rings true for your child’s ability to concentrate.

    Similarly, if your 6 year old can concentrate for only 3-5 minutes, meet him where he is at by playing a wide variety of games with him that require of him to focus his attention and complete a task while actively using his mind for 3-5 minutes. (Parents who own a Practica Program can save time by paging to the 2-year old section in the Parents’ Guide and choosing activities from all the various sections listed under that age, because the games in that section are designed to last for 3-5 minutes.)

    After a number of weeks, when your child is confident that he can easily play all kinds of games for 5 minutes at a time, move on to activities that encourage your child to keep going for 10 minutes at a time (listed in the 3-year old section in the Parents' Guide) … and so forth. Keep going slowly but surely until your child reaches the point where he enjoys activities that are age-appropriate for a 6-year old and keeps going for 25 minutes at a time.

Important pointers:

1. Variety is very important
Spending many hours practising your tennis game isn’t going to do much to improve your soccer skills – simply because each game requires a unique combination of body parts to work together well. Similarly, the best way to prepare a young child for any challenge that may come his way later on in his schooling career is to play a WIDE variety of activities and games on a regular basis. We’re repeating ourselves, but this important factor is so often overlooked that it is worth repeating!

2. Don’t waste precious concentration time!
Don’t be discouraged when you spend 20 minutes preparing an interesting activity for your 2,5-year-old only to find that they get bored after five minutes! This is completely normal!

    This is not to say that you shouldn’t prepare activities, but it is a great idea to prepare them once a week for the week ahead (as is recommended by the Practica Program), so that you have them on hand quickly and can catch your little one when they’re ready to interact.

    It is also a good idea to spread activities out. Do some brain-building interaction for the length of time listed above and then take a 10-15 minute break and do the same thing or something new again after that. This gives your child a chance to ‘recharge’ and be mentally ready for the next activity.

3. Differentiate between fun and fitness
In physical fitness there is a real difference between the benefits of swing-ball (which is fun) and the benefits of tennis (which builds fitness), and the same rule applies to building mental fitness.

    While it may be fun to run around outside, unpack the Tupperware drawer and bang pots together, and free-play and creativity have their place in your child’s day, this kind of unstructured activity is not going to exercise your child’s ability to concentrate.

    The kinds of games and activities that do improve concentration involve anything where there is a task to be completed, a plan to be followed, steps to take in a progressive fashion and a goal at the end of the activity. For example, finding all the yellow marbles, or stacking a tower of 10 blocks high, matching all the same coloured socks, building a construction with building blocks according to the instructions on an instruction card, singing a song from beginning to end with specific gestures at various points, etc.

4. Make building self-confidence a priority.
The greatest draw-back for a 6-year old who cannot concentrate for long is not always the obvious consequence of not being able to follow instructions and complete tasks – it’s more often the fact that he has been told directly or indirectly, over and over again by various adults in various situations that he cannot concentrate!

   In light of this, starting with activities aimed at 2-year-old level of concentration and building up from there has a dual purpose – not only are the activities short, but they’re also easy. By moving on to more advanced and longer activities gradually, you ensure that your child experience success over and over again, in a wide variety of contexts, he starts to believe in himself and his abilities. If you do not have a Practica Program you can still help your child by ensuring that you meet them where they are at, and slowly increasing the length of time in which they are encouraged to concentrate on completing a task.

    Concentration is important, especially when it comes to school as well as just learning about life in general, and just like keeping your body fit, it is all about keeping your mind fit as well!

The Practica Team
parents who know better... do better

Comments, or a request to be added to the post update alert email? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Teaching your child to follow directions

We all know what it's like to ask our little one to do something, and they carry on as if they've never heard us or can't understand what we're saying. However, it's important for children to be able to follow instructions - whether its a request or a warning for their safety - by the time they enter school.

As with everything else in your child's life, following instructions is learned through repeated practice. It will not happen overnight and will take some effort from your part. So the idea is to start with the easiest instructions and gradually progress from there. Here are some great everyday tips:

Give your child a sense of competence - praise more and correct less. With following instructions, and in general, a child who feels competent - who believes that he can understand, remember and act accordingly - will be more likely to follow instructions.


Make the most of every opportunity - children learn better when the directions that you give makes sense in the context of what is happening. For example, helping to set the table at mealtime, or putting things away after bath time. The more often you do things together, the more teaching opportunities you will have.

Ensure your child listens and understands when you give directions - avoid failure by making sure that you have your child’s full attention when you give directions. Get down to his eye level so that he can see your facial expression. Squat if you have to. Make eye contact; speak clearly and slowly (where appropriate) using simple words and short, simple sentences.

Use gestures to demonstrate the meaning of your words - when dealing with a baby or toddler, add a natural gesture to help your child understand your message. For example, "come here" paired with a hand gesture; “Give it to me” paired with your hand reaching for the item; or “Go to your room and get your coat” paired with pointing to your toddler’s room. 

*Note: As children near the age of 24 months they typically rely less and less on gestures to understand the meaning of language. It’s a good idea to use gestures when you teach new concepts to a child of any age, but if your 2½ year old is unable to follow a wide variety of everyday two-step instructions without gestures, it would be wise to have the child’s hearing tested and consult a speech-and-language therapist. An example of a two-step instruction would be, “Take off your shoes and put it in the bag.”

Use repetition - to follow your directions, your child has to do some mental work. The first step is to understand the meaning of what you are saying and the second step is to remember the directions while acting. After giving the instruction, give him some time to process the information. Then repeat the instruction slowly. This demonstrates to him that repeating an instruction in his head after he has heard it is a good way of remembering it.

    With older children, ask your child to repeat your directions after you. This activates his memory. It also tells you if he actually understood your directions.

    If needed, take him to a quiet room in the house before giving directions. This eliminates distractions and demonstrates that you have something important to say. The sounds of a radio, television, or others talking, make it more difficult for your child to listen to your directions.

Give your child clear feedback - when your child completes your directions, let him know exactly what was done correctly. This reinforces the learning that has taken place, and builds his confidence. If he didn’t complete your directions at all, show him or tell him exactly what needed to be done. If an attempt is partially successful, praise whatever he did correctly.

Adapt to your child’s level of development - he will be able to understand and follow more difficult directions as his language and memory skills develop. Use the following guidelines to help him progress:

1. At first, use gestures to demonstrate the meaning of simple directions: “Give it to me” while extending your hand.

2. Then teach your child to follow simple directions without gestures: “Stand up.” “Get the ball.” “Sit down.”

3. Following that, he will learn to do one thing with two objects: “Give me the bowl and the spoon.”

4. The next step is where you ask him to do two things with one object: “Get your shoes and put it in the cupboard.”

5. He will then learn to understand a combination of where to go and what to do there: “Go to your room and get your shoes.”

6. Then develop his memory even further by linking two totally separate directions together: “Put your glass on the table and get your teddy from the toybox.”

7. Finally, he should understand and follow a series of three unrelated directions involving three actions: “Put your toys away, go wash your hands and meet me in the kitchen.”

Once you are able to 'place' your child based on the above sequence of their ability to follow instructions, you know where to progress to next.

Most small children want to help out and feel independent and teaching them how to follow instructions is a great way to do this while growing their confidence in their abilities!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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How to demonstrate our love for our children

Picture: www.dipity.com

Today we introduce our very first guest post - we will be inviting many people who work within the child development field to give us their take on what's important to know when it comes to your little one!

This guest post is written by Carol Bailie, a Child Educator and Parenting Workshop Facilitator. To learn more about Carol, visit http://www.daretolove.co.za/.


The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman and D Ross Campbell’s book) is a wonderful general parenting book that gives such helpful insights into how to help our children feel loved and cherished, and is certainly worth the read. One of the Five Love Languages is “ACTS OF SERVICE”. It is an interesting love language because of the huge spin-off it has for general, as well as academic development. Looking closer at this love language is a fascinating topic.

“Acts of Service Love” occurs when a parent demonstrates their love for their child through doing things for them that they can’t do for themselves. Examples would include cooking supper, changing clothes, bathing, carrying, feeding and helping with tasks they can’t quite manage.

However, acts of service love has to evolve as the child gets older – they have to learn the art of serving themselves and serving the family, and not having everything done for them all the time. This is where it gets interesting – how do you cultivate independence by teaching your child “Acts of Service Love”, and what is age-appropriate?

Gary Chapman says in his Love Languages book that “we do our children a disservice if we do not teach them to do laundry.” The principle is simply this – children of all ages need to be actively involved in all chores around the home regardless of how imperfectly they contribute.

So let’s have a look at some age-appropriate chores for little children:

• From the moment a child can walk (technically then a toddler), they can be involved in many acts of service. They can lay the table (one fork or knife at a time, and probably not in the right place) and they can take their own plate to the kitchen after every meal.

• From the moment a child can sit upright, they can and should be involved in helping to pack their own toys away. A good way to do this is to sit on the floor and help them, but you only do one handful or one toy when they do one handful or toy. So you take turns. While packing away you sing a little pack-away song (make something up if you like) to signal that this is the time to tidy up.

• Small children of 2 or 3 years enjoy cleaning activities, especially if they think they are helping mom or dad. They gain a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. You can try giving a small spray bottle with clean water and a cloth and ask them to “wash” the windows – granted it will only be the bottom bit, and it may not be sparkly clean, but it will keep them occupied for some time if you work close by doing something else. They can wipe the windowsill, dust with a brightly coloured yellow duster, and wipe out toy drawers or containers when you sort toys.

• My children always loved washing activities – I give them play kitchen plates and cups in a basin of soapy water with a drying rack and dishcloth. Washing plastic items in a basin is great fun, as is cleaning plastic toys or washing dolls.

• Gardening is always brilliant – small rakes for raking leaves may take forever, but working alongside you with your big rake they will have a huge amount of fun. Putting the leaves in a wheelbarrow and then climbing on for the ride is even better!

• I started a very small vegetable garden when my son was about 2 or 3 years, as I found it to be a fun and constructive activity to involve them in putting compost in the bed, digging it over, making little spaces for seeds, planting out seedlings and best of all, picking vegetables for our table. Our gems have been far and away the most fun!

• From about 3 years, a child should start to help with the making of their bed.

• All children from two onwards should carry their own bags to school and back again!

• Children who can walk can help to put their pyjamas under the pillow and dirty clothes in the laundry basket and towels in the bathroom. At this age they will have to be reminded and accompanied, but from about 3 – 4 years they should be able to do it as a matter of course.

• Washing is indeed full of opportunities – putting the clothes in the machine, pouring in the soap, handing mom the pegs, sorting the colours of the dirty clothes. From about 4 years they should be able to take their own clean clothes to their drawers and put them away.

Acts of service involves a number of very important skills which all children need when they go into a playgroup or preschool setting:

1. Hard work
2. Work ethic (i.e. we value hard work)
3. Team work
4. Appreciating the work of others
5. Responsibility (care for toys, the house)
6. Perseverance
7. Doing things you don’t like
8. Eye hand co-ordination
9. Crossing the mid-line
10. Visual perceptual skills
11. Satisfaction
12. Patience
13. Following instructions
14. Autonomy and independence
15. Task specific skills

Involving small children in manageable acts of service each day not only helps them to learn the art of loving others through serving, but it serves the purpose of preparing them for many educational and life activities. Have fun!



when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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How to keep sane when the going gets tough

Picture: http://www.thiscrazythingcalledmotherhood.blogspot.com/

Being a parent is certainly a challenging undertaking, especially since most children can push the boundaries and be emotionally-charged at times. Nowadays, it seems as if the concept of ‘good’ parenting is forever changing, depending on which expert is doing the talking. This is because the very context in which parenting takes place (our cultures, society and the global community), is in a state of constant flux...

While it certainly is a blessing to live in an age where information is so readily available, there is a flip-side to this golden coin. The result can be a parent that is overwhelmed, tired, unsure and lacking confidence. Unfiltered and contradicting information can paralyse instead of galvanise.

However, one thing has not changed... That little person standing in front of you who is throwing a wobbly because he is not getting whatever it is he so desperately wants. Young children the world over are more alike than different, and they all share the same uncanny ability to push the limits with relentless stamina at times – as if they are programmed to ‘go, go, go!’.

Another unchanging fact is that all children experience frustration from time to time. It may be caused by all sorts of things – not getting their way, not being able to get their body to do what they want, not being able to reach the chandelier from which they so badly want to hang... This is one their jobs as children – to experiment with what is and what isn’t possible.

However, many parents today feel that they need to ‘protect’ their children from becoming frustrated, as if frustration in itself is a bad thing. They overlook the fact that frustration teaches children valuable lessons: how to be patient and to persevere. Being able to delay gratification is not inborn, it is a learned ability (and one that many adults can’t do too well either) – and it is an important factor in developing Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

Nowadays many well intended parents try to give in to their children’s every whim in an effort to protect them from feeling frustrated. In the process, these parents (mostly mothers) become tired, overwhelmed, and quite frankly grumpy...

Sadly, when parents are noticeably emotionally battered, their children run a very high risk of experiencing intense feelings of guilt. And a child who is riddled with guilt and shame is far worse off than a child who is given the opportunity to learn to deal with the natural frustrations of everyday life!

Every parent will undoubtedly feel unsure, tired and overwhelmed at times. The road which parents walk is long and winding… But the good news is, whatever your parenting style or philosophy, there are six tried and tested steps and thoughts that you can keep in mind to help ground yourself emotionally - to keep you just a tad further away from slipping into a ‘bad place’ when you’re facing daily challenges with your little one:

Make Friends with Frustration


1. Stop seeing your child’s frustration as ‘bad’... Remember patience, perseverance and the ability to delay gratification are not an inborn qualities, but learned skills (and “obedience” is not a four-letter word!).


2. Don’t feel guilty for being the ‘bad cop’ parent... If you’re worried that you’re the one who is always dishing out the discipline, don’t let the lure of being the ‘good cop’ push you off course. Children desperately need boundaries. Over the long haul they naturally gravitate towards adults who discipline and guide them in a nurturing, but firm way. It’s simply a part of their innate need to have structure in their lives.


3. Fight the urge to ‘give in’ so that your toddler leaves you in peace... There comes a point when parents are just too tired. So in an effort to maintain their sanity, they undermine months of hard work by giving in to their child just to get some peace and quiet. Sound familiar?

Make Friends with Yourself


4. Align your expectations with reality... Children are children after all. The sooner we all start talking about reality, the better. And toddlers specifically are little tornado's of energy with very little life experience... 


Accept this. Understand that things will not run smoothly (most of the time). Accepting that your toddler is just ‘being a toddler’. Because a child is prone to make mistakes does not mean that you condone undesirable behaviour. But, acceptance makes it possible to guide and discipline a child with love instead of with anger.


5. Set firm boundaries... Exactly what these boundaries are is up to you. Some of the rules in your home may seem trivial to others – but if they keep you sane and grounded, go ahead and do what you need to do in order to keep yourself and your emotions on an even keel. A tired, frustrated, ‘empty’ parent is no good for a growing child.


6. Nurture yourself as a caregiver and parent... In order to give abundantly of yourself to your children, you must have a resource from which to draw. You cannot draw from an empty tank. If this means taking 30 minutes a day to help you re-charge, or a whole afternoon once a week, then so be it.

The bottom line is that frustration is a natural and normal part of life – not only for adults, but for children too. The key is to adjust expectations without condoning undesirable behaviour. Then you will be able to make choices and interact with your child from a place of confidence. Put boundaries into place in order to protect yourself from burn-out and your child from guilt. To parent in a way that makes you unhappy will also make your child unhappy – without a doubt.

When you learn to balance the self-sacrifice that naturally goes along with being a loving parent, with making parenting choices that make you happy, you are well on your way to becoming a more emotionally grounded parent. And this will give your child a better shot at being happy too. Let’s put first things first.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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A Smorgasbord of Food Tips

While some children are absolute dreams when it comes to mealtimes, roughly 50% of all children 'eat too little', their parents believe. And this is according to Dr Christopher Green, from his book called Toddler Taming, A Parents' Guide to the First Four Years (Random House).

Below we introduce ideas from two books about feeding a fussy eater - some of them overlap and they are intended for you to take and use in your unique situation with your toddler:

Toddler Taming (Dr Christopher Green, Random House):

1. Avoid disorganised, disturbed, noisy mealtimes - your toddler should sit and eat with the rest of the family, but if this is impractical, a parent should sit next to the child and feed her before the main family meal.

2. Your toddler should ideally be given a variety of well-balanced foods - however, if she dislikes variety, then a repetitive but nutritious diet is perfectly acceptable. After all, she's the one who has to eat it, not you.

3. Adult eating habits should be encouraged - but it is no disaster if your child decides to return to the main course after having polished off her pudding.

4. Use labour-saving cooking ideas - because it is hard to stay calm when your wilful toddler refuses a dish that has taken hours to prepare.

5. Gently encourage a child to eat - NEVER force.

6. Once it is obvious that the child is not going to eat any more, wipe her hands and face clean and allow her to get down from the table - whether this is after five minutes or half an hour, don't worry about it. If your child is dawdling over her food, leave her to dawdle without an audience after a reasonable amount of time has elapsed.

7. Display no anger if food is not eaten - put the untouched plate in the fridge and bring it out later on request. If your child refuses a meal, she must not be allowed to top up on milk, chips and the like.


Babies and Toddlers, How to survive them (Jane-Anne Hobbs, Zebra Press)

1. Work out what your responsibility is - provide your toddler with a variety of healthy foods, set times for mealtimes and snacks, and lay down guidelines about table manners. What she eats from the nutritious variety you present to her, and how much she eats, is up to her.

2. Be assured your toddler will not starve - when she becomes hungry enough, she will eat, and she'll eat exactly what and how much she needs - as long as she's not tempted by unhealthy options.

3. Acknowledge your toddler's right to be picky - it is important to respect your child's wishes. She is perfectly entitled to her own likes and dislikes. The challenge is to accept preferences and find ways of working around them.

4. Remember, your toddler has her own internal pressures - no child is born without an appetite. Your child's food desires are driven by her appetite; when she needs to eat, she will.

5. Don't coerce your toddler - the 'clean plate' policy is something from the past. Don't ever force your child to finish what is on her plate. Try taking the pressure off completely, and see if she abandons her hunger strike.

6. Accept that your toddler might not be hungry - if she's been snacking all day for some or other reason, it's only natural that she might not be hungry.

7. Cut down on milk and juice - your child's tummy may be full and she may not even register hunger pangs. Consider limiting milk and juice to a safe intake and her appetite might improve dramatically!

8. Ask yourself if your toddler's really suffering - if your child is not underweight for her age, if she has tons of energy and is having regular bowel movements, there is very little chance that she's not getting the nourishment she needs.

9. Try to make food fun - even the most reluctant eater can be lured with interestingly presented food, or even a picnic in the garden instead of lunch at the table!

We hope that these collection of tips at least gives you a point from which to start addressing your child's eating habits. You may even find that your child is completely 'normal' and you were actually holding unrealistic expectations.

The good news is that food-fights need not be part of your daily routine!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

The Four Keys to Ending Food Wars

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

We've all been there... the day that our once-compliant and well-fed baby turns her nose up at meal-time, followed by a clear and concise 'no!'. She shakes her head and just plainly refuses a meal that mere days ago she gobbled down with delight! And before you know it, she's surviving on a diet of cheese curls and banana - refusing any other food-related material that tries to pass her lips...

How did this happen? And why? And... most importantly... will it ever end?

Firstly, let us start by saying that your toddler is not the first, nor will she be the last, to baffle a parent at possibly every mealtime for months on end...

The reason for this is because the first year of life is one of tremendous growth, where a baby can triple its birth weight. Yes - that is some serious growing, and nutrition is very important to support this growth. However, from gaining around 6kgs in the first year, your toddler will only gain around 1-2kgs in her second year. Therefore, she doesn't need as much food as she once did.

This reduction in appetite, coupled with a complete lack of a social understanding of food, creates a toddler who often is not hungry and doesn't want to eat at mealtimes. Your toddler simply does not understand that breakfast time means sitting down to eat - unlike adults who will often eat at prescribed mealtimes (whether or not they are hungry), because we have a strong social understanding of eating (which our toddlers have yet to learn).

Now, there is little you can do to increase a toddler's appetite, but there are certain key points to remember to make it easier to coax your little one into eating at mealtimes. This is important to try to achieve, as you are laying the foundation of your toddler's social and emotional connections to food during the second year of life.

1. Don't fall back on a bottle of milk...

The most important key to remember is that your toddler must be hungry enough to want to eat. So, cast your mind as to what you are feeding your toddler and when. Then ask yourself if your toddler is simply not hungry enough to try that balanced meal you worked so hard to prepare?

One of the biggest culprits in keeping toddlers' tummies full is too much milk. According to Ann Richardson (author of Toddlersense), your toddler needs only about 400mls of normal milk per day, and this includes sources such as yogurt and cheese as well. Ann suggests two bottles per day only - one in the early morning and one at night before bed.

Many parents decide to give their toddler a bottle of milk when they've skipped a meal in order to ensure that they're getting enough 'goodness' into them... However, this is only serving to fill your toddler's tummy and make her even less likely to try to eat at mealtimes.

On the contrary, it is in her best interest to make sure that she is hungry enough to want to explore new tastes and textures at mealtime - or else your toddler might get stuck at eating only a limited number of foods for many years to come!

2. Don't overlook those empty calories...

The second culprit is feeding your toddler empty calories - such as cheese curls, biscuits and the like.  Because these snacks taste good, a toddler will almost 'inhale' them in a gleeful mini-binge... however, these foods are once again taking up valuable tummy-space and are leaving your toddler with a feeling of being full. And... come meal-time... your toddler isn't hungry enough to eat.

Don't skip the snacks altogether, since there is much research that supports six small meals a day in order to keep your blood sugar levels constant. However, make these healthy snacks and time them so that they are not too close to meal-times.


3. Just relax...

Often, when a toddler doesn't eat they're greeted with Mom making airplane noises as the food 'flies' into their mouths, while Dad is dancing and singing a tune - all in an effort to get her to eat... Naturally, this is entertaining and your little one will want more, and she knows that to make this happen again, all she has to do is refuse to eat...

In short, when your toddler refuses to eat, don't make a big fuss. Try simply removing the plate and telling her, "Don't worry honey, you don't have to eat. When you're hungry, you tell Mommy," at which point you can offer the food she refused earlier. No fuss, no pleading, no amazing entertainment show...


4. Set the tone...

During the second and third years of life, your toddler is closely studying the key people in her life for their responses to their environment. In that way she learns a great deal about the world around her, including what is desirable and what is not desirable. Toddlers are not called 'little sponges' for nothing.

Because of this, it is important to model for your child how much you enjoy eating healthy, good food. Use facial expressions and words to show them how much you enjoy eating, and why not put an apple up as a reward for being good instead of a chocolate? 

Conversely, if you have a dislike for a certain food (for me, it's peanut butter), don't pass this onto your children. I ensure that I offer my children foods that I don't necessarily like, because they might like them one day!

It may seem obvious now, but let's recap:

Toddlers are no longer as hungry as they once were because they are simply not growing as fast as they did when they were babies. Toddlers have no social or emotional concept of food, so they still have to learn why they need to eat at certain times. As parents, it is our role to introduce our toddlers to the social, nurturing and comforting value of good food, but it is often difficult, especially when we don't allow them to become hungry enough to want to eat. If we never allow our toddlers to associate hunger with the relief of eating nutritious food, they will most likely continue to refuse food at mealtimes.

So, become a 'food detective' and figure out if you're often n allowing your toddler to become hungry enough to be motivated to enjoy good food and experiment with new tastes at mealtimes. A child will never starve itself, although many will embark on 'hunger strikes' that will send a parent into an emotional and mental tizz... But hold steadfast, and at least allow your toddler to opportunity to feel a bit hungry at times, as well as the awesome satisfaction that good food brings afterwards.

These tips may not completely fix the frustrations and fears that parents face at mealtimes with a toddler, because toddlers are toddlers after all! However, they may go a long way towards making it a little easier to deal with this common stage in development.

Good luck!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

A great tip for dealing with BIG change!



Example of a page from a personalised book
Design by Loren Stow

 When you know your child is going to experience a big change, such as starting a new school, moving house, or the arrival of a new sibling, there is a creative and effective idea that has worked well for many moms and dads. Its basically a parent-led visualisation exercise for young children which helps our little ones to ‘make pictures in their minds-eye’ that works for them!

Create a book for your child, filled with real photographs and words that are applicable to the change they are experiencing. In this way, you can ‘paint a picture’ for your child of their world – and, when they recognise this ‘picture’ in their real life, they are filled with an immense security and feelings of everything being ‘just right’ in their world.

How to create the book:
(You can apply the ideas below to any major event)


New School:


Take photographs of your child during his school day. The pictures should include activities (in sandpit, on the swing, building blocks, dancing to the music etc.), people (teacher, headmaster, assistants, friends etc.), and things (the classroom, the bathroom, their school bag, their lunchbox etc).

Using your computer, make pages where you have the picture and a ‘story’ beneath each. For example, “Here is Johnny in the sandpit, playing with his friends,” and “This is Miss Henderson, Johnny’s teacher” etc.

Print the pages and slip them into a flip file.

New Sibling:
(Here it is important to stress your child’s place in the home and family)

Take photographs of your child’s routine and home life, including (as above) activities (bath time, bedtime, mealtime, playtime), people (mommy, daddy, nanny, the pets etc), and things (bed, bath, blanket, favourite toy etc).

Again, put a short ‘story’ under each picture and print the pages to be inserted into a flip file.

You can now read your special book over and over again, giving your child a certainty of how everything is ‘as it should be’ in his world. By repeating the story again and again, you are guiding your child in understanding his world and creating a sense of predictability and the security that goes along with that.

Tips to focus on when creating your child’s book:


• Routines and sequences of events (including small details such as picking up toys after play time, getting into pyjamas after bath time etc.).


• Specific places where things happen (such as mealtimes, playtime etc).


• Objects that are used.


• Try to have your child in the pictures (it is about him after all).


• Ensure that the book is realistic (don’t paint a picture that is far from the truth, because then it will just be confusing. Stay as close to reality as possible...)

Beyond the practical and emotional benefit of giving your child their very own personalised book, you are also creating a life-long memory for your child and a great gift for grandparents! You can ‘up the ante’ and even try your hand at digital scrapbooking, creating not just a book, but a colourful work of art that will catch your little one’s eye and will be treasured forever.

There are many free digital scrapbooking downloads available on the internet (try http://www.shabbyprincess.com/), and so this does not have to cost a fortune at all. Just a bit of time (which is very precious, we know...) and some creative inspiration is all that is needed!

Why not give it a try? Your child will find it easier to deal with big changes in his world, you will get to create something truly special, and the result will document your child’s special world for a lifetime.

Words: Loren Stow

when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*If you are interested in doing a book for your child, but don't have the time, email Loren to get a quote on designing your child's unique book for you - info@lorenstow.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Maintaining a Sense of Routine in the Holidays

Image: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

The holidays are a time when we have all the time in the world (for a week or two) to spend with our families. Sometimes we go on holiday, other times we stay at home, and other times we invite family to stay with us... Holidays are treasured by most as an opportunity to recharge, enjoy their family and have fun experiences.
Whatever your plans this holiday, it is a given is that your normal routine will most likely be affected in some way. Children are home from school and creche, carers and nanny's are also away on their own vacations, there may be day-trips, weeks away, and a whole lot of busy-ness...

Just how important are routines and can you ensure that they are nurtured? 

For young children, routines are incredibly important. They create feelings of safety and being grounded in an ever-changing world (even more relevant when holidays roll around and their day-to-day life changes completely for a few weeks). In addition, young children actually look forward to their routines and enjoy them immensely.

So, how can you ensure that your children don't feel lost or insecure at a time when routines may be difficult or just plain impossible to follow?

The good news is that routines are not as 'time-based' or 'location-based' as parents think - as adults we usually relate the word 'routine' to a time-table and a certain place. While being three hours late for lunch or expecting our children to eat their lunch in the car would be a bit of push... doing lunch 30 minutes early or late, at a Wimpy en route to your holiday at the sea doesn't have to stray too far from the routine at all... 

You see, this is because children do not see routine as a time-table. They see routine as the sequence of activities before, during and after an event. If you wash hands and say grace before every meal, talk about your favourite part of the day during the meal, and then wait for everyone to be finished with the meal before you clear the table, then this is the sequence of events that need to be applied at closely as possible no matter where you are.

The idea is that simply because you are in another location, or you're not perfectly 'on-time', does not mean that you cannot still apply the sequence of events that creates a sense of routine for your child.

Another example is if you usually read the same bedtime story every night and then blow out a candle just before saying good night - when you pack for a holiday away remember to take the book and candle with you, so that you can continue with the routine no matter where you are and even if your little one stays up a little past bedtime.

If you have overnight guests or are entertaining, you may need to shorten the individual steps (read one book instead of three at bedtime). You can also involve other family members, like grandparents, who are willing to help and want to deepen their relationship with your little one. Give them what they need and a little run-down of what needs to be done. You never know, your little one might be thrilled by this! The important thing is to stick to the basic routine.

So, in order to ensure that you keep your little one's routines going strong, take the time to look at their day and note the special sequences around events such as waking time, eating time, play time, bath time and bedtime.  What is the pattern that you follow and are there any special props (such as a special towel, a bowl and spoon, a candle or book)? Make sure you make space for these things in your child's day, no matter where you are and what you're doing.

On the topic of routines, we thought we would share some special routine ideas that we've come across, that perhaps you apply in your little one's life...

Bedtime
A Practica Parent shared how he sends his little one off to dreamland every night, simply using a plastic glass with a glitter detail. He switches off the light and puts a torch under the glass, illuminating all the wonderful glitter. His daughter takes a sip of the 'magic water' just before going to sleep to help her off to wonderland...

Early Morning
Why not have a 'rise and shine' song that you sing with your little one just before getting out of bed. This song signals the start of a wonderful new day.  "Hi ho, hi ho, its off to work we go..."

Cleaning Up
Using the magic of song again, why not sing while you pack away toys? "This is the way we pack our toys, pack our toys, pack our toys... this is the way we pack our toys, every single night..."

Welcome Home
When transitioning from a day out back to being at home, why not have a routine where everyone gets a drink and sits down to relax and unwind for five minutes before getting busy with the next thing on the list?

Meal Time
Setting the table (whether alone or just assisting) is a great way to incorporate routine in mealtimes. Another routine, as mentioned above, is washing hands, saying grace and sharing stories during meal time.

Hygiene
It's sometimes difficult for children to know how long to brush their teeth for, so you could use an egg timer or even sing a song, and your children know to brush their teeth for this whole time before rinsing. At bath time, my children choose which toys they want to play with in the bath - they have a basket filled with toys and throw their favourites in the running water with much 'hoopla' and joy!

Leaving Routine
It's often difficult for little ones to transition between activities, like shopping, visiting a friend, being on the beach or watching television. It helps immensely to have a routine where you ask your child to say goodbye and wave. In this way they understand that they are finishing with one thing and moving to the next.

Holiday Routine
Lizette describes how, as a preschooler, on family holidays to the beach, her father would always rinse her feet of all the sand under the tap and then carry her back to their cottage - to this day she remembers how that felt and that she looked forward to that little routine almost as much as playing in the sand and sea. Why not create a little everyday routine that is especially for your holiday?

Back to School
For older children, it may help them to feel excited about returning to school if you try to remember all their classmate's names and think of one positive sentence about each one. This shows that you care about their world at school and that they have something to look forward to after every holiday.

We hope that your family's holiday is safe and filled with love and that you find a way to maintain (or even introduce new) routines in your little one's life. These routines cannot be underestimated for their value in creating security, fostering excitement and building long-lasting memories.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comment or a special routine you'd like to share? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Healthy Praise - 3 Practical Tips



Image: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/


In our last post, we discussed how not all praise is equal. In fact, if praise were like food, some praise is like the finest organic fruit and vegetables, while other praise is like junk food which is plain unhealthy and even harmful (if you missed the post, go here).

However, there is so much research out there on the effects of praise, that we took the opportunity to sift through much of it for you and bring you the three most important things to remember when praising your children.

We believe that knowledge is all fine and well, but we need to find a way to apply it to our lives in a practical way, otherwise it can just become another 'burden' that weighs us, as parents, down.

We really hope these tips, which are based on real studies, will help you to see how to use praise in the way that we know it is intended - as a tool to nurture and grow our children's abilities and talents.

Praising Tip #1

DO praise your children for things that are within their power to change.

Praise your child for good manners, working hard, persevering at a task, for thinking of clever ways to solve a problem, for being a team player, for treating others with respect, following instructions, doing more than what was expected and other good choices that your child makes. By praising your child for things that are within his power to change, you are communicating to him that he has the power to make the right choices and that his efforts are recognised.

DO NOT praise your child by telling him how smart or talented he is.

It is not healthy to respond to your child's successes by saying, "Look how SMART you are!"

Children easily get the idea that adults observe them from a distance, rating how they fare at certain tasks, with the goal of stereotyping into little boxes marked with signs like 'genius', 'above-average', 'average' and 'stupid', and it scares them. What if they are confronted with something they can't do? Will adults see their failure as a sign that they are not as smart as they once thought? Will a mistake lead to a loss of love or respect?

These children don't want to risk loosing their little 'gifted' tags that have been hung around their necks and as a result they avoid challenges (Mueller and Dweck 1998).

Praising Tip #2

DO be sincere and specific

Wait for a real opportunity to praise your child. Then be specific and give information about what impressed you, for example "This picture is my favourite. I like how you took your time and used many different colours."

Keep in mind that, by giving information about what you appreciate, you are conveying a standard that is shaping how your child will act in future. So be careful to set reasonable standards and not unintentionally inhibit your child with your comments. If you would, for instance, always say that you like  a picture because he used blue and green, then he may never use orange and red again!

DO NOT praise in a way that is overenthusiastic or undeserved

Very young children will likely take a parent's praise at face value, but older children are a different story. As children mature, from about the age of 3-4, they become aware a parent's possible motives for praising them, and they respond negatively to insincere praise.

When you praise a child in a situation where they feel that they didn't really deserve the recognition, they may feel that you think they are in need of encouragement and that you are praising them because you feel sorry for them (Meyer 1992).

A child may also feel as though you are trying to be manipulative, or that you don't really understand them (Henderlong and Lepper 2002).

Praising Tip #3

DO focus on your child as an individual

Be truly interested and involved in a child's personal interests, growth and successes, regardless of what other children are like, do or achieve. Praise a child when he does something right or masters something, and not for outperforming other children.

DO NOT use praise that compares your child to others

Children who are praised for outperforming others initially respond well by trying hard to make their parents proud. However, they become so focused on winning that they don't learn to enjoy the activity itself, and when they no longer win, they loose interest.

Many of these children also react by avoiding challenges, because they have a real fear of not being the best. This kind of praise doesn't prepare them for coping with failure and it doesn't teach them making mistakes is an important and valuable part of learning (Elliot and Dweck 1988).

References:
Mueller CM and Dweck CS. 1998. Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Journal for Personality and Social Psychology 75(1): 33-52

Meyer W.-U. 1992. Paradoxical effects of praise and criticism on perceived ability. In: W. Strobe and M. Hewstone (eds): European review of social psychology, volume 3. Chichester, England: Wiley.

Henderlong J and Lepper MR. 2002. The effects of praise on children’s intrinsic motivation: A review and synthesis. Psychological Bulletin 128(5): 774-795.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

When Praise is Harmful



Image: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

 As a parent, I want to raise my children in a way that celebrates who they are and what they achieve. I want them to know that they have a special place in the world and that the world is truly a better place because they are in it.

I feel this way so strongly that sometimes when I think of how much I love my children, and how much I want them to understand that they are special - my heart actually constricts for a moment... fluttering in anticipation for their future.

I don't think I am alone on this one - I think that most parents feel this way about their children. One way in which we try to give our children this positive message is through praise. Contrary to three or four generations ago, when children 'were seen and not heard', in today's world, we praise our children as diligently as we feed and bath them - it is a 'staple food' in our daily emotional diet.

However, just like not all foods are healthy, not all kinds of praise are healthy either. Certain kinds of praise are like junk food, filled with empty calories, while other kinds of praise are like smorgasbords of finest organic fruits and vegetables, packed with healthy nutrients.

What is “junk food praise” and why is it unhealthy?

One example of junk food praise is when our praise labels our children. Remember that any label (positive or negative) can be damaging, because it shapes how a child views himself and the world. “But...” I hear you say... “isn't a 'positive label' good for self-concept?” No. Not always.

For example, if your child completes a puzzle and you say proudly, "oh you're so clever!" you are effectively labelling your child as clever. What happens then is interesting, because instead of having a positive effect, your child actually starts to become fearful of living up to this expectation of 'cleverness'.

They become afraid of trying something that they just might not succeed in, lest they be 'caught out' and no longer be considered as clever. Because, you see, after hearing it enough times they start to equate their 'cleverness' with your love - in other words, mommy and daddy love them because they're clever.

What is “organic praise” and why is it healthy?

Using the same example, a healthy response to a finished puzzle could be, "Well done for completing the puzzle! I have noticed that you started with the corners today. That worked well. Good plan" or “I saw you enjoyed that puzzle and worked hard at it. Way to go!”

By giving this kind of practical feedback, you are effectively telling your child that his efforts and choices are noticed and valuable. He is a capable human being who can achieve things when he applies himself. Working hard can be fun and, at times, having a good time is a good reason in itself to do things!

When you give practical feedback, your child needn't be afraid of living up to any passive 'label' bestowed on him by forces outside his sphere of influence. The focus is on what he does and chooses – two things that he can control. As a result, he will be more willing to try new and more difficult things. He is given the message that 'we enjoy watching you develop and make choices’ instead of ‘how lucky we are that you are so smart.’

This gives your child the security of knowing that your love and approval are not dependent on his success. Because let’s face it, all people and our children included, will face their fair share of failures.

After all, being successful has nothing to do with avoiding failure with a big old ‘clever-label’ around your neck. On the contrary, it’s about learning the lessons that you need to learn from your own fair share of ups and downs - so that you can get to a place where you are truly leading a life that you love.

A fascinating bit of research:

In her article entitled The Perils and Promises of Praise, American psychologist Dr Carol Dweck, who has studied student motivation for 35 years, explains that the way in which children view their own intelligence is closely linked to how they are praised (Dweck 1999, 2006).

In one of her studies, a group of 5th grade children were all given a task to complete, and then one group of them was praised for their intelligence only ("You must be smart at these problems"), while the second group was praised for their effort ("You must have worked hard at these problems").

The researchers then asked a question that each child had to agree or disagree with - "Your intelligence is something basic about you that you cannot really change.” Children praised for their intelligence agreed more with this statement than children who were praised for their efforts!

The children were also asked to define intelligence, and once again, the children praised for intelligence made more reference to it being a fixed and innate capacity, while children praised for their effort made references to effort and learning.

The children were then given the option of working on a task that was challenging or a task that guaranteed an error-free performance. Most of the children praised for intelligence opted for the easy task, while most children praised for effort opted for the challenging task.

Next, the children were given a challenging task to complete, on a whole the children who were praised for their intelligence lost their confidence as soon as it became difficult, because they equated success with 'cleverness' and if they were struggling, then it meant that they were not clever... The other group who were praised for their effort on the whole remained confident and eager.

Finally, when the children were asked to hand in their scores (anonymously), almost 40% of the intelligence-praised children lied, because their feelings of self-worth were so wrapped up in their performance that they couldn't admit to mistakes. Only 10% of the effort-praised children falsified their results. (I have to admit that I’m a bit taken aback by the fact that so many of them actually lied!)

"Praising children for their intelligence, then, hands them not motivation and resilience but a fixed mind-set with all its vulnerability. In contrast, effort or 'process' praise (praise for engagement, perseverance, strategies, improvement, and the like) fosters hardy motivation. It tells children what they've done to be successful and what they need to do to be successful again in the future," says Dr Dweck.

What to make of this?

We believe we are all praising our children from our hearts and with the best intentions. But, as always, parents who know better do better. That is why we have written about this, because many parents would never guess that something as well-intentioned as telling their child that he is clever can have such a far reaching impact.

In our next post, we will give you 3 practical tips on how to avoid the wrong the kinds of praise by replacing them with the right kinds of praise. Until then, let’s just play it safe and follow the advice of Kenneth Blanchard, author of the The One Minute Manager: catch them doing things right. When your children do things that legitimately warrant praise from you, give practical feedback on what they have done right and the good choices that they have made.

And don’t forget to tell them that you’re so thankful that they were born. I can’t imagine that that could ever back-fire?

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better
Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za


*Practica Parents: All the activities in the Practica Program obviously give Practica kids more opportunities than most children to do things that call for praise from parents. I can imagine that it’s going to take some practice to think of things to say that are practical and relevant – it just used to be so much easier to sincerely respond with “you’re so smart” to everything! But it cannot be too difficult. If our kids can learn new things – so can we!