Asking and answering questions made simple

Image: www.lorenstow.co.za

Most parents can agree that it is incredibly frustrating when your baby or toddler wants something but can’t communicate what it is… You don’t know what to get them or do for them, and they get increasingly frantic… Another example is when you know that your child knows something, but when you ask them a question about it, all you get is a blank stare, like when you ask your child to show you the blue crayon and all of a sudden they can’t.

    With this in mind, we thought it would be fitting to do a post on how to teach your child to ask and answer questions. It is not as difficult as it sounds and is based firmly on encouraging your child to take part in his day-to-day activities while giving him a running commentary of what’s happening and why.

    Other than the obvious benefit of being able to understand what your child wants, teaching him how to ask to questions will also boost his confidence, help him to learn more about what’s going on around him in his world, and eventually increase his social skills.

Learning to ask

The process of teaching your child how to ask questions is, as with everything else, an on-going ‘dance’ that will continue well into adolescence, but you can get started from about the age of 21 months.

Question skills generally follow a typical order as follows:


2 yrs             Q: Yes/No     Eg: May I go?
2yrs              Q: What       Eg: What is this?
2 ½ yrs         Q: Where      Eg: Where is my shoe?
2 ½ - 3 yrs    Q: Who         Eg: Who is that?
4 – 5 yrs       Q: Why         Eg: Why is he crying?
4 – 5 yrs       Q: How         Eg: How did you make that?
5 – 6 yrs       Q: When       Eg: When is she coming?

“What” and “Where” questions develop first because at that stage a child is typically more interested in the names and locations of various things in their world. The “Why” and “How” questions develop from age four because this is when children start to think in more abstract terms. And the “When” questions develop after a child has learned a concept of time.

Why do some children struggle to ask questions?

There could be three reasons, and if your child is struggling at all it may be a good idea to see which area could use some attention. In order to ask a question your child needs to:

1. Know how to put words together to form questions
2. Have the thinking skills to think of something to ask
3. Trust that the other person is going to react positively

Encourage your child to ask questions

• You can start by modelling the behaviour and showing your child how people think about certain things, and then answer your own questions, for example “What is this? A feather!” or “What are we going to do next? Close the door!”

• Give your full attention when your child is asking a question, get down to their eye level and be patient, allowing enough time for the question to be asked.

• Answer your child’s questions – when you do this your child knows that they have been successful and their self-confidence is boosted.

• If you don’t understand the question, ask your child to repeat it or to try and show you. If your child hasn’t asked correctly or hasn’t used words, repeat their question in a simple, correct way and then answer it. For example, if your child points at their juice on the table you can say, “You want your juice? Here, mommy will get your juice for you.”

Learning to answer

The ability to answer questions develops at roughly the same rate as the ability to ask questions, and it’s a good idea to meet your child where they are at. So, if your child is asking “Why” questions, then you can assume that he can answer “Why” questions as well.

    The best time to ask questions is when you and your child are engrossed in an activity together. Wait and watch your child and see what his attention is on, and then ask a question about that. Make sure you have your child’s full attention before asking the question and allow your child some time to answer the question, creating a calm and accepting atmosphere.

    As a parent, it’s important to ask your child questions, but don’t overdo it and become like 00-Mom/Dad… It is all too easy to dominate the conversation. Try using questions to discover what your child is thinking and what he knows so that you know how to relate to him, rather than turning the conversation into a test or a lesson.

    And don’t forget, questions like “You know what?” are your child’s way of getting your attention so that they can share something with you – so respond with interest and love, and most of all have fun!

The Practica Team
parents who know better... do better


Comments? Suggestions? Or simply want to be added to the emailed updates? Contact lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Teaching your child to follow directions

We all know what it's like to ask our little one to do something, and they carry on as if they've never heard us or can't understand what we're saying. However, it's important for children to be able to follow instructions - whether its a request or a warning for their safety - by the time they enter school.

As with everything else in your child's life, following instructions is learned through repeated practice. It will not happen overnight and will take some effort from your part. So the idea is to start with the easiest instructions and gradually progress from there. Here are some great everyday tips:

Give your child a sense of competence - praise more and correct less. With following instructions, and in general, a child who feels competent - who believes that he can understand, remember and act accordingly - will be more likely to follow instructions.


Make the most of every opportunity - children learn better when the directions that you give makes sense in the context of what is happening. For example, helping to set the table at mealtime, or putting things away after bath time. The more often you do things together, the more teaching opportunities you will have.

Ensure your child listens and understands when you give directions - avoid failure by making sure that you have your child’s full attention when you give directions. Get down to his eye level so that he can see your facial expression. Squat if you have to. Make eye contact; speak clearly and slowly (where appropriate) using simple words and short, simple sentences.

Use gestures to demonstrate the meaning of your words - when dealing with a baby or toddler, add a natural gesture to help your child understand your message. For example, "come here" paired with a hand gesture; “Give it to me” paired with your hand reaching for the item; or “Go to your room and get your coat” paired with pointing to your toddler’s room. 

*Note: As children near the age of 24 months they typically rely less and less on gestures to understand the meaning of language. It’s a good idea to use gestures when you teach new concepts to a child of any age, but if your 2½ year old is unable to follow a wide variety of everyday two-step instructions without gestures, it would be wise to have the child’s hearing tested and consult a speech-and-language therapist. An example of a two-step instruction would be, “Take off your shoes and put it in the bag.”

Use repetition - to follow your directions, your child has to do some mental work. The first step is to understand the meaning of what you are saying and the second step is to remember the directions while acting. After giving the instruction, give him some time to process the information. Then repeat the instruction slowly. This demonstrates to him that repeating an instruction in his head after he has heard it is a good way of remembering it.

    With older children, ask your child to repeat your directions after you. This activates his memory. It also tells you if he actually understood your directions.

    If needed, take him to a quiet room in the house before giving directions. This eliminates distractions and demonstrates that you have something important to say. The sounds of a radio, television, or others talking, make it more difficult for your child to listen to your directions.

Give your child clear feedback - when your child completes your directions, let him know exactly what was done correctly. This reinforces the learning that has taken place, and builds his confidence. If he didn’t complete your directions at all, show him or tell him exactly what needed to be done. If an attempt is partially successful, praise whatever he did correctly.

Adapt to your child’s level of development - he will be able to understand and follow more difficult directions as his language and memory skills develop. Use the following guidelines to help him progress:

1. At first, use gestures to demonstrate the meaning of simple directions: “Give it to me” while extending your hand.

2. Then teach your child to follow simple directions without gestures: “Stand up.” “Get the ball.” “Sit down.”

3. Following that, he will learn to do one thing with two objects: “Give me the bowl and the spoon.”

4. The next step is where you ask him to do two things with one object: “Get your shoes and put it in the cupboard.”

5. He will then learn to understand a combination of where to go and what to do there: “Go to your room and get your shoes.”

6. Then develop his memory even further by linking two totally separate directions together: “Put your glass on the table and get your teddy from the toybox.”

7. Finally, he should understand and follow a series of three unrelated directions involving three actions: “Put your toys away, go wash your hands and meet me in the kitchen.”

Once you are able to 'place' your child based on the above sequence of their ability to follow instructions, you know where to progress to next.

Most small children want to help out and feel independent and teaching them how to follow instructions is a great way to do this while growing their confidence in their abilities!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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