A few tips from Lizette - 5 Things I have learnt over the years about disciplining children

“A true hero is not someone who thinks about doing what is right, but one that simply does what is right without thinking!” -Kevin Heath 

With this in mind, I thought I’d share five things that I have learnt over the years about disciplining children:

1. Be the kind of person that you want your child to become. Your child learns far more from your example (what you do) than from your convictions(how you tell them to behave and what you say you believe).

2. Ask advice. You may think you know how to raise your child because you were a child once. You don’t. You and your child most likely share a different combination of temperaments compared to what you've shared with your own parents. More importantly, you are raising a child in a totally different time. Your child is exposed to so much more than you were when you were his age. If you think it was difficult finding ‘True North’ when you were a child and a teenager, imagine how difficult it’s going to be for your child to find it living in a time where there are hundreds of different maps. Parenting isn't as simple as it used to be. Get help.

3. Invest time in training. Never tire of setting up situations where you can use positive and negative consequences to help shape your child’s thoughts, habits and character. Make the most of every opportunity. There’s no other way. No short cut. Just do it.

4. Laugh a lot. Don’t laugh when your child does something that is unacceptable – it confuses them. Don’t make jokes at their expense and never laugh at your child when he is embarrassed. At any other time, make jokes – even when you don’t really feel like it. Keep things light. If needed, Google “jokes for children”, jot a few lines down on paper and keep the notes in your handbag. See laughter as sunlight and discipline as water. Together they make things grow. It’s amazing how much easier it is for a child to be corrected by a parent that he even more often shares a laugh with.

5. Recognize that you are shaping both a heart and a relationship. In the end you will be able to count yourself successful if you end up with two things: (1) an adult child who knows his way when he gets to a fork in the road, and mostly simply does what is right without thinking and (2) an adult child who wants to spend time with you because he respects you and values your opinion. Don’t be weak. Don’t be lazy. You are in a race against time. Your child doesn't need another friend. He needs a parent.

With love,
Lizette van Huyssteen
Founder of the Practica Program

When we know better... we do better

3 Reasons Why We Should DISCOURAGE Perfectionism

It is very easy to believe that being a perfectionist is a favourable quality. But is it really? Here are three reasons why we should DISCOURAGE perfectionism in children:

1. Perfectionists are less likely to take risks and try their hand at new things. They often become fearful of failure and if they cannot be the best, they would rather not try at all.
2. They spend more time completing tasks.  Being the only one in class that hasn’t finished yet, can make a child feel inferior.
3. Friends or peers may start to feel judged and avoid your child when they don’t live up to his standards.

What to do about it?

-       Distinguish between healthy and unhealthy praise.  (Go here if you missed that post.)

When your child is doing a task, talk about the PROCESS, the CHOICES that he makes and ways in which he can CHALLENGE himself, instead of focusing only on the product and then making general statements that label your child, such as “You are so smart” or “You are a champion artist”. These labels put pressure on children, making them fearful of making mistakes and then losing admiration and respect. Rather, when your child draws a picture, ask questions about the colours he is using and what he plans to do next. When playing ball games, give him the choice of which ball to play with and encourage him to challenge himself: “Why not try kicking the tennis ball and see if you can get as good at it as when you kicked the soccer ball.”

-       Help your child to distinguish between people-orientated and task-orientated situations.

Some people are naturally task-orientated and others are people- orientated. Regardless of your child’s natural preference, it will serve him well to be able to differentiate between these two kinds of situations. This insight will help your child to manage his actions and his emotions better. After all, losing a game of Monopoly should not be viewed in the same light as flunking a test!

Use words to describe the different situations. When people-orientated, say something like:  “Remember that this is about spending time together, having fun and making memories.” And when a situation is task orientated: “We’re not kidding around now; this is a get-down-to-it-and-get-it- done activity”.

In the words of Peggy O’Mara, “The way that you talk to your child, becomes his inner voice.”  When parents mostly talk about the end result, their child’s focus is obviously also directed towards the end result. On the contrary, when you as the parent shift your attention away from the end result towards the process and the choices that can be made, your child’s thoughts will follow suit.

Just to hammer the nail a bit deeper into the coffin of perfectionism, we end with a spirited quote by Anne Lamott:

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a sh*#! first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”

― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

 When we know better... we do better

Five ways in which a child learns social skills

Image: http://www.sheknows.com/

Most parents agree that they want their children to reach their full potential – whatever that may be. They won’t enjoy and celebrate a child any less if it turns out that his or her fullest potential doesn’t involve straight A’s and being hugely successful in the sports arena. In fact, most of us will be more than pleased to see our little ones grow up to be truly happy and successful in their own unique way. As long as they live their best life – everything else is a bonus.


    However, ask any adult about their happiness level and whether they think they’re living meaningful lives and you will soon realise that "living your best life" is not as easy as it sounds. It's so difficult, in fact, that any practical advice to parents about things that can be done during the early years to increase a child’s changes to be happy and content one day is extremely valuable.


    Today’s tips focus on what research teaches us about cultivating social skills in our children. It is, after all, impossible for a person to be either happy or successful without being able to get along with people.


    Here are five things that parents can do to help lay a solid foundation with regards to social skills:


1. Talk about emotions. Studies show that children, whose parents talk about emotions often, are more popular and more comfortable in social situations and better able to cope with anger and disappointment.


2. Deliberately work on having a sunny outlook on life. Kids with the most developed preschool social skills are the ones who experience more positive emotions at home. It’s not necessary or even realistic to be constantly happy, but practice a “can-do” attitude towards setback and frustrations.


    Studies indicate that children suffer when parents – and particularly mothers – tend to give in to anger or despair when things don’t go according to plan. The more often children see their mothers display negative emotions, the less likely they are to view their mothers as people who can comfort them and give them advice.


3. Create special opportunities for pretend play and join in the action every now and then. One of the most important ways in which children develop friendships during the pre-school years is by playing pretend games together.


    Researchers have found that kids who pretend together are less likely than other kids to quarrel or have communication problems. They also develop self-control and the ability to “put themselves in somebody else’s shoes”. Parents who play along from time to time are doing their children a huge favour. Kids are found to play for longer and at a higher level when parents encourage them – but remember to keep the experience upbeat and don’t take over the situation completely; allow your little one to take the lead.


4. Use words wisely when you discipline your child. Kids whose parents take the time to explain rules and discuss consequences of bad behaviour have found to be popular, have more self-control and less conflict with peers.


5. Be sensitive to your child’s emotions. One study, done by Suzanne Denham in 1997 asked children to say what they think their parents would do when they experience strong emotions in various situations, for instance when they wake up from a bad dream. The very same kids who reported that their parents would comfort them and not ignore their emotions or get angry were the ones who were pointed out by teachers to be more socially skilled when they are amongst their friends. These children were also better able to relate to other children’s feelings, and they were generally more cooperative.


    What much of the research boils down to is that taking part, in an emotionally positive way is very important to your child’s social development. What’s more, discussing emotions, whether positive or negative, helps your child to understand their own emotions, and therefore other people’s emotions, so much better.


The Practica Team
parents who know better... do better


Comments or want to be added to the mailing list for future updates? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

How to keep sane when the going gets tough

Picture: http://www.thiscrazythingcalledmotherhood.blogspot.com/

Being a parent is certainly a challenging undertaking, especially since most children can push the boundaries and be emotionally-charged at times. Nowadays, it seems as if the concept of ‘good’ parenting is forever changing, depending on which expert is doing the talking. This is because the very context in which parenting takes place (our cultures, society and the global community), is in a state of constant flux...

While it certainly is a blessing to live in an age where information is so readily available, there is a flip-side to this golden coin. The result can be a parent that is overwhelmed, tired, unsure and lacking confidence. Unfiltered and contradicting information can paralyse instead of galvanise.

However, one thing has not changed... That little person standing in front of you who is throwing a wobbly because he is not getting whatever it is he so desperately wants. Young children the world over are more alike than different, and they all share the same uncanny ability to push the limits with relentless stamina at times – as if they are programmed to ‘go, go, go!’.

Another unchanging fact is that all children experience frustration from time to time. It may be caused by all sorts of things – not getting their way, not being able to get their body to do what they want, not being able to reach the chandelier from which they so badly want to hang... This is one their jobs as children – to experiment with what is and what isn’t possible.

However, many parents today feel that they need to ‘protect’ their children from becoming frustrated, as if frustration in itself is a bad thing. They overlook the fact that frustration teaches children valuable lessons: how to be patient and to persevere. Being able to delay gratification is not inborn, it is a learned ability (and one that many adults can’t do too well either) – and it is an important factor in developing Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

Nowadays many well intended parents try to give in to their children’s every whim in an effort to protect them from feeling frustrated. In the process, these parents (mostly mothers) become tired, overwhelmed, and quite frankly grumpy...

Sadly, when parents are noticeably emotionally battered, their children run a very high risk of experiencing intense feelings of guilt. And a child who is riddled with guilt and shame is far worse off than a child who is given the opportunity to learn to deal with the natural frustrations of everyday life!

Every parent will undoubtedly feel unsure, tired and overwhelmed at times. The road which parents walk is long and winding… But the good news is, whatever your parenting style or philosophy, there are six tried and tested steps and thoughts that you can keep in mind to help ground yourself emotionally - to keep you just a tad further away from slipping into a ‘bad place’ when you’re facing daily challenges with your little one:

Make Friends with Frustration


1. Stop seeing your child’s frustration as ‘bad’... Remember patience, perseverance and the ability to delay gratification are not an inborn qualities, but learned skills (and “obedience” is not a four-letter word!).


2. Don’t feel guilty for being the ‘bad cop’ parent... If you’re worried that you’re the one who is always dishing out the discipline, don’t let the lure of being the ‘good cop’ push you off course. Children desperately need boundaries. Over the long haul they naturally gravitate towards adults who discipline and guide them in a nurturing, but firm way. It’s simply a part of their innate need to have structure in their lives.


3. Fight the urge to ‘give in’ so that your toddler leaves you in peace... There comes a point when parents are just too tired. So in an effort to maintain their sanity, they undermine months of hard work by giving in to their child just to get some peace and quiet. Sound familiar?

Make Friends with Yourself


4. Align your expectations with reality... Children are children after all. The sooner we all start talking about reality, the better. And toddlers specifically are little tornado's of energy with very little life experience... 


Accept this. Understand that things will not run smoothly (most of the time). Accepting that your toddler is just ‘being a toddler’. Because a child is prone to make mistakes does not mean that you condone undesirable behaviour. But, acceptance makes it possible to guide and discipline a child with love instead of with anger.


5. Set firm boundaries... Exactly what these boundaries are is up to you. Some of the rules in your home may seem trivial to others – but if they keep you sane and grounded, go ahead and do what you need to do in order to keep yourself and your emotions on an even keel. A tired, frustrated, ‘empty’ parent is no good for a growing child.


6. Nurture yourself as a caregiver and parent... In order to give abundantly of yourself to your children, you must have a resource from which to draw. You cannot draw from an empty tank. If this means taking 30 minutes a day to help you re-charge, or a whole afternoon once a week, then so be it.

The bottom line is that frustration is a natural and normal part of life – not only for adults, but for children too. The key is to adjust expectations without condoning undesirable behaviour. Then you will be able to make choices and interact with your child from a place of confidence. Put boundaries into place in order to protect yourself from burn-out and your child from guilt. To parent in a way that makes you unhappy will also make your child unhappy – without a doubt.

When you learn to balance the self-sacrifice that naturally goes along with being a loving parent, with making parenting choices that make you happy, you are well on your way to becoming a more emotionally grounded parent. And this will give your child a better shot at being happy too. Let’s put first things first.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

How to fill your child's 'love tank'



Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

 As parents, we do our very best for our children, actively giving them everything we believe they need... and more. So, the idea that their ‘love tanks’ may sometimes be running low is not only hard to believe, but it flies in the face of the love we express for them daily through our words and actions.

The 5 Love Languages

In a book written by Gary Chapman, called The 5 Love Languages (Moody Press, 1997), the author describes how there are five main ways of expressing and experiencing love (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch).

Each of us (including our children) prefers to express and receive love in one or maybe two of these ways. If we can find a way to ‘talk’ the right love language, well then our needs and the needs of those we love are easier to fulfil.

This book is very true, and a later companion book called The 5 Love Languages of Children (Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell M.D.), notes that a child's preferred 'love language' only becomes noticeable from around age five. 


What about babies and toddlers?

Interestingly, when a baby is born, the one area of the brain that is most developed and able to process information is the area regulating touch. And, because little babies and toddlers live on a very physical level, for the most part they experience life and understand the world through their bodies.

Babies and toddlers also naturally don't yet understand abstract concepts like giving and receiving gifts; the underlying value of spending time together; the meaning of words; and the intentions behind acts of service. So it makes sense that young children across the board initially prefer the language of physical touch when it comes to expressing and experiencing love and affection.

What is an 'empty love tank'?

Simply put, a person suffers from an empty love tank when he doesn't feel loved and secure in the relationship he has with the important people in his life.

How do I know when my child's love tank is running low?

1. Your little one becomes very clingy.

2. Your little one becomes more demanding than usual, especially when you’re in the middle of something, like a phone call, shopping, or cooking dinner...

3. Your little one cannot deal with simple frustrations (like someone taking their toy) and have a meltdown as if their emotional foundation has been rocked when they don't get their way.

4. Your little one is finding it exceptionally difficult to deal with a ‘big change’, such as a new school, teacher, sibling, moving house, a divorce or any other major life changes.


This is the season of empty tanks!

At this time of year, the Practica Program Advisory Service commonly receives many calls from Practica Parents needing advice on two areas – a need for discipline-related information, and issues related to new day care arrangements (new crèche, new teacher, new nanny etc).

In both instances, there are many underlying causes for the problem, but an empty love tank is often one. Typically, a shift from the fun and closeness of the holidays back to the business of everyday life can make your child feel emotionally insecure. And parents often don't communicate their love for their children in a 'language' that their children can understand - the result being that their children don’t have the emotional reserve to deal with small frustrations, which leads to discipline problems, or big changes, which leads to clinginess.

The value of Touch Therapy

The good news is that you can help to solve two incredibly taxing parenting challenges with one simple remedy: fill your child’s love tank. And how is this done? Well, while filling somebody's love tank may involve different things for different people, Touch Therapy is by far the most effective way to communicate love and security to young children.

When using Touch Therapy, you are literally communicating to your child that he is deeply loved... When done correctly, this basic touch-technique tells your child what countless of words and actions can not...

Because Touch Therapy helps to fill your child's love tank, the end result is usually a child who is more emotionally grounded, secure and resilient. So it is also a great method to use when starting sleep training; when a new sibling arrives; when your child is struggling with frustration; when your child is being verbally or physically aggressive; and when your child is sick.

Commonly, parents find they interpret their child’s negative behaviour with more insight and empathy once they are aware of the concept of an empty love tank. However, beware of responding by doing Touch Therapy within a few minutes after an ‘incident’, in an effort to soothe your child, because you may inadvertently be rewarding the negative behaviour. In fact, Touch Therapy works best as part of a routine, for instance, every morning and every night at roughly the same point in your waking-up or bedtime sequence of events.

Touch Therapy – Step by Step

You can do Touch Therapy when your child is lying down, or even sitting on your lap. Using gentle but firm and rhythmical pressure, hold-and-squeeze your child’s arms, starting at the shoulders. Slowly and repeatedly hold-and-squeeze all the way down his arms until you reach his wrists. At this point, press your child’s hands together and squeeze them gently but firmly. Now, do the same with your child’s legs, starting at his hips and working towards his ankles, ending off by gently but firmly squeezing his feet together. You can repeat this slow and rhythmical ‘massage’ for at least five minutes, and it makes the whole experience more enjoyable for your little one if you sing and recite rhymes to the rhythm of the movements of your hands. Try to make as much eye contact with your child as is comfortable for the both of you, and remember this is a special time, so the atmosphere should ideally be calm, relaxing and free from distractions for these few minutes.

As your child’s personality unfolds and develops between the ages of five and eight, he will find himself drawn more towards one of the five love languages as described by Gary Chapman. But it is good to know that for the rest of his life, touch will remain a calming and reassuring experience. And this is true not only for your children, but for you as an adult as well. There is nothing more effective than a good firm hug every now and again to make us feel as if our very existence is solid and worthwhile.

If you’d like to read more about why touch is so magical, please refer to our previous post called “A Mother’s Touch”.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

10 Easy-Peasy Everyday Reading Ideas

Image Source: http://www.thedailygreen.com/

Our last post was about the importance of early reading (if you missed it, go here), and today we’re sharing some simple and inspiring tips that can make practicing reading simple, as long as you recognise the opportunities!

1. Set the scene for Dreamland: Help your child to wind down at bedtime by switching on a dim nightlight and lighting a candle. Read the last story for the day in a quiet tone of voice and end it off with a calming hug and a kiss. Whisper 'goodnight' as you let your child blow out the candle as part of the ritual (only once!)

2. Pack a snack and a book: When you're going someplace that you suspect you'll be waiting for a while (like the doctor’s office), don't only pack a snack, include one or two favourite books to read while you wait! This demonstrates to your child that reading is something worth planning for.

3. Read while you shop: The next time you go shopping with your children, don't forget to look out for and read notices, signs and labels to them. When possible, point to whatever you’re reading to focus your child’s attention on the written word. And while you're in the car, why not make it a fun game to read number plates, road signs, street names and other interesting billboards?

4. Add words to real-life pictures. Print out extra copies of your digital pictures; stick pieces of paper on them and write on it, e.g. “Daddy gives Mommy a hug.” “Stephen brushes his teeth. He gets ready for bed.” “Milo is a happy dog. He wags his tail when he sees us.” Put these pictures in an appropriately sized photo-album or laminate them and ask any printing shop in a shopping mall to ring-bind it into a book for you.

5. Far and Away: The next time you take a long business trip, photocopy one or two of your child’s favourite books ahead of time. Read to your child over the speaker phone at bed time, while your spouse helps your little one to turn the pages of the original book at the right times.

From 3 years onwards:

6. Sit back and relax: Record your (or a grandparent’s) voice as you read a story. If needed, use a video recorder and cover the screen so that you record only the sound. Using a teaspoon, ding on a glass to indicate page turns. On nights when you’re too tired to function you can sit with your child and turn the pages together. These recordings of loved ones sharing of themselves can become priceless family heirlooms.

7. Love those Labels: Label common objects in your home by writing words like ‘door’, ‘bed’, ‘chair’, and ‘bath’ etc. on pieces of paper and attaching the labels to the real objects. Hand-write your labels so that you can make sure the letters look similar to how your child’s Grade One teacher will one day teach him to form his letters. Also, leave the capitals and use only small letters.

8. SOUND it - don’t SPELL it: Children love to discover which sounds are represented by various letters, for example ‘s’ represents the s–sound as in ssssnake. However, keep in mind, when your child asks you to sound a word out for him, you’ll be helping him make the link between the letter and the sound better if you simply break the word up into separate sounds. Steer clear of using the names of the letters of the alphabet to spell the word for your child. For example, instead of spelling the word 'b', 'a', 't', 'h', rather say, 'buh-aa-th'.

9. Stick it in your pocket: Create a 'reading pocket' in your jacket where you collect all the interesting things you've read in the day, a cartoon from your daily newspaper, a fortune cookie message, a greeting card etc. When you get home you can share your wonderfully special 'finds' with your little one!

10. Give them a cooking-clue: The next time you bake cookies or cook with your children, let them see how you read the recipe step-by-step. Then line up all the ingredients before you start, and show your child how he can point to the ingredients from left to right, while naming each one out loud, for example flour, eggs, butter, milk, baking powder, and vanilla. This prepares him for reading words from left to right one day!


We hope this post has inspired in you ideas on how to make reading an everyday (simple) opportunity. It can be fun, it can be silly, and most of all it can be a wonderful opportunity to learn and share.

Just a quick note - our next post on Friday will be all about choosing the right gift for the right age this Christmas. So, if you're planning on doing your Christmas shopping this or next weekend, this post will come in really handy!


Words: Loren Stow

Comments or reading tips? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za when we know better... we do better

The 3 Secrets of Early Reading

Image Source: http://www.scusd.edu/

I remember as a little girl that I loved to read - I would even pretend to read my mother stories that I had learned to memorise. When I learned to write, my love of words was further extended, and I would re-write by hand poems and songs that I loved to listen to.

However, as we get older, we are bombarded wherever we go by the written word whether it be through advertising, logos, memos, emails, sms's, or monthly post... The 'magic' of reading is lost and we can begin to think that reading is just one of many ways to interact with our children.

The benefits of reading are obvious for most parents - increased language, better grades at school, exercising memory and understanding skills etc. - the list goes on and on. However, there are certain benefits of reading that are unique to sitting down and opening a book... irreplaceable with any other experience...

We know that most parents understand the more obvious benefits of reading, so today we want to look at three priceless benefits that you wouldn't necessarily think about when choosing to sit down with your child and a book and open that first page....

It's about Love

Reading to a child communicates love and acceptance to a child primarily in two ways - firstly, through physical touch, and secondly through sharing an experience that fosters emotional closeness.

We've written before on the blog about just how important Love is to learning - it is the 'thing' that makes all learning stick.  And the beauty of reading with your child is that it is about more than just pictures and words on a page - it is about Love.

Imagine a scene where a dad is reading to his son. The son is sitting on his father's lap, enveloped in his arms, and both of them are fixated on the book in front of them. Dad is reading each word with emphasis, his tone and inflection changing, and his facial expressions mimicking what he's reading. He suddenly roars (like a lion...) and his son laughs and curls even closer to his dad... Can you see it? Can you see what we're trying to describe?

As parents, we can sometimes see reading a chore... But for a child, reading is about Love.  It is a time when his mom or dad physically and emotionally 'comes down' to his level and there is a closeness. He comes to anticipate the funny monkey sounds or the knock-knock-knocking that are coming on the next page... his excitement and joy are barely contained...

Reading fosters Love - it is about sharing, one-on-one with your child. It is about opening up a world of fairy tales, or dinosaurs, or farm animals or whatever it is... It is about taking your child's hand and guiding them through a door into a world where they will be given anything their heart desires...

Teaching your child to associate love and closeness with reading is possibly the best foundation you could ever lay for your child in terms of academics, social skills, and increasing language and therefore intellectual development. This is because the pleasant memories create in a child a hunger for more... But more than that, reading gives you an opportunity to be close, to share a moment, to laugh together and Love together.

Its about finding a familiar place in the world

As parents, we assume that children get bored of reading the same book over and over again, but contrary to this popular belief, children actually thrive on this predictability. To a child, being able to predict what is going to happen on the next page is equal to being able to predict his world and understand his place in it, making him feel safe and secure. Predictability is one of the most fundamental emotional and intellectual needs of a child, and reading is the easiest way for a parent to almost exactly recreate an entire 20 minute experience over and over again, day after day.

Repetition is of course also a strong foundation of learning - because children learn through seeing, hearing and experiencing the same thing over and over again.

It's about doing what works

Another common misconception is that books are often seen as 'old fashioned' and parents are tempted to replace them with seemingly more modern stimulation, such as television, dvd's, video games, computers, and battery-operated toys with moving parts and flashing lights...

The difference between these 'new and improved' types of stimulation and reading, is that reading (and story-telling) will always be the number one activity that requires of a child to actively use his brain to make it fun. In order for reading to 'make sense' and be enjoyable, your child needs to use various parts of his brain to process the activity. As opposed to other more 'modern' stimulation, where a lot less is asked of his brain...

Finally it is important to understand that reading is a really high-functioning skill and nothing else, definitely not television, not educational games, not flash cards, not even something as precious as talking to your child or singing songs till the cows come home... nothing stimulates phonetic and phonological awareness (which is absolutely crucial for reading readiness) quite as much as reading age-appropriate children's books with loads of rhyme and repetition, over and over again. Therefore, reading to a child not only fosters a love for reading, it actually wires a child's brain to be able to learn to read later on...

With this said, we hope that the next time you buy your child a book, or the next time you reorganise their book-shelf, you stop for a second and see a book for what it is... It is not only the best foundation for future reading abilities with all the good things that go along with that, but it is also a magical key to demonstrating your love for your child, and creating a safe and predictable place for him in our fast-paced world that can at times be so scary for little souls...

A book really is more than just the sum total of it's pages and colourful pictures - it is a gift; for you, for your child, for the future.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogam.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

6 Instant Relationship Boosters

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

In our last post we discussed the importance of consciously developing your child's self-esteem (if you missed it, go here) and in light of the rather 'heavy' responsibility it can be to do this, we wanted to share some quick and easy ideas on how you can instantly make your child feel as though they are the most important person in your world.

1. When your child enters a room, look genuinely happy to see him.
We're repeating this point again (we mentioned in our last post) for very good reason - because it works! Make sure your eyes light up and you give your child a warm and welcoming smile... they will feel as though they really make your day!

In the same vein, when you see your child for the first time after a long separation (after school or a day at work), take five minutes to be with them immediately - Forget about putting the groceries in the fridge or your bag in your room, just drop everything and engage with them for five minutes.

2. Touch your child for an uninterrupted period of five minutes every day.
When she is relaxed, let her lie with her head on your lap. Play with her hair, use your fingers to 'draw pictures' on her back, rub her hands, massage her feet... Use deep pressure touch, squeezing and releasing her arms from her shoulders to her wrists, moving slowly and rhythmically. Do the same with her legs from her hips to her ankles.

Touch is the single most effective way to communicate love to a young child - we call this 'touch therapy' for obvious reasons, and if you missed our post of the benefits of deep pressure touch, go here.

3. Say no negative word about your child to any person when you are within earshot of your child.
Even toddlers, who can not understand every word said, can sense when a parent is talking about them and whether the tone is positive or negative. So, when your friend asks how your son is adapting to your new baby, simply smile and wink at your friend, saying "Oh yes! That! Remind me at some other time to bring up that very interesting topic!" - then change the subject.

4. Often whisper something in your child's ear as if you're sharing a little secret with them.
It doesn't have to be a real secret, but simply whispering to your child makes her feel like the two of you share something important. For example, you could say, "Guess what? When we get home we're going to play in the garden!", or "Guess what? After our game, we're going to go and make something to drink!" Your little one will be thrilled to be 'in' on something exciting...

5. Treat everyone with respect, including your child.
When your child interrupts a conversation, calmly ask the other person to give you a second and go down to your child's level. Firmly but lovingly tell him, "Mommy is phone with daddy (or whoever) right now. I'll hold your hand until I'm ready to let you speak. Then we can talk."

Hold your child's hand while continuing the conversation for about 20 seconds, then excuse yourself for a minute or so to listen to your child before resuming the conversation again.

6. Draw the picture and then colour it in.
In other words, provide structure by sticking to a routine and disciplining your child, but also allow her to inspire you to live in the moment as only a child can (if you missed our post on living in the moment, go here).

It's better to opt for doing less in full colour, than doing more in black and white. If you live your life at a comfortable pace, you will find it easier to say, "I love you THIS much! I am so glad that you were born and that you're part of my life."

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comment? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: The Practica Program offers thousands of age-appropriate activities which practically means that a child who has grown up with this program has had thousands of opportunities to achieve success - what a great way to build self-confidence in a child.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za