10 Easy-Peasy Everyday Reading Ideas

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Our last post was about the importance of early reading (if you missed it, go here), and today we’re sharing some simple and inspiring tips that can make practicing reading simple, as long as you recognise the opportunities!

1. Set the scene for Dreamland: Help your child to wind down at bedtime by switching on a dim nightlight and lighting a candle. Read the last story for the day in a quiet tone of voice and end it off with a calming hug and a kiss. Whisper 'goodnight' as you let your child blow out the candle as part of the ritual (only once!)

2. Pack a snack and a book: When you're going someplace that you suspect you'll be waiting for a while (like the doctor’s office), don't only pack a snack, include one or two favourite books to read while you wait! This demonstrates to your child that reading is something worth planning for.

3. Read while you shop: The next time you go shopping with your children, don't forget to look out for and read notices, signs and labels to them. When possible, point to whatever you’re reading to focus your child’s attention on the written word. And while you're in the car, why not make it a fun game to read number plates, road signs, street names and other interesting billboards?

4. Add words to real-life pictures. Print out extra copies of your digital pictures; stick pieces of paper on them and write on it, e.g. “Daddy gives Mommy a hug.” “Stephen brushes his teeth. He gets ready for bed.” “Milo is a happy dog. He wags his tail when he sees us.” Put these pictures in an appropriately sized photo-album or laminate them and ask any printing shop in a shopping mall to ring-bind it into a book for you.

5. Far and Away: The next time you take a long business trip, photocopy one or two of your child’s favourite books ahead of time. Read to your child over the speaker phone at bed time, while your spouse helps your little one to turn the pages of the original book at the right times.

From 3 years onwards:

6. Sit back and relax: Record your (or a grandparent’s) voice as you read a story. If needed, use a video recorder and cover the screen so that you record only the sound. Using a teaspoon, ding on a glass to indicate page turns. On nights when you’re too tired to function you can sit with your child and turn the pages together. These recordings of loved ones sharing of themselves can become priceless family heirlooms.

7. Love those Labels: Label common objects in your home by writing words like ‘door’, ‘bed’, ‘chair’, and ‘bath’ etc. on pieces of paper and attaching the labels to the real objects. Hand-write your labels so that you can make sure the letters look similar to how your child’s Grade One teacher will one day teach him to form his letters. Also, leave the capitals and use only small letters.

8. SOUND it - don’t SPELL it: Children love to discover which sounds are represented by various letters, for example ‘s’ represents the s–sound as in ssssnake. However, keep in mind, when your child asks you to sound a word out for him, you’ll be helping him make the link between the letter and the sound better if you simply break the word up into separate sounds. Steer clear of using the names of the letters of the alphabet to spell the word for your child. For example, instead of spelling the word 'b', 'a', 't', 'h', rather say, 'buh-aa-th'.

9. Stick it in your pocket: Create a 'reading pocket' in your jacket where you collect all the interesting things you've read in the day, a cartoon from your daily newspaper, a fortune cookie message, a greeting card etc. When you get home you can share your wonderfully special 'finds' with your little one!

10. Give them a cooking-clue: The next time you bake cookies or cook with your children, let them see how you read the recipe step-by-step. Then line up all the ingredients before you start, and show your child how he can point to the ingredients from left to right, while naming each one out loud, for example flour, eggs, butter, milk, baking powder, and vanilla. This prepares him for reading words from left to right one day!


We hope this post has inspired in you ideas on how to make reading an everyday (simple) opportunity. It can be fun, it can be silly, and most of all it can be a wonderful opportunity to learn and share.

Just a quick note - our next post on Friday will be all about choosing the right gift for the right age this Christmas. So, if you're planning on doing your Christmas shopping this or next weekend, this post will come in really handy!


Words: Loren Stow

Comments or reading tips? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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The 3 Secrets of Early Reading

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I remember as a little girl that I loved to read - I would even pretend to read my mother stories that I had learned to memorise. When I learned to write, my love of words was further extended, and I would re-write by hand poems and songs that I loved to listen to.

However, as we get older, we are bombarded wherever we go by the written word whether it be through advertising, logos, memos, emails, sms's, or monthly post... The 'magic' of reading is lost and we can begin to think that reading is just one of many ways to interact with our children.

The benefits of reading are obvious for most parents - increased language, better grades at school, exercising memory and understanding skills etc. - the list goes on and on. However, there are certain benefits of reading that are unique to sitting down and opening a book... irreplaceable with any other experience...

We know that most parents understand the more obvious benefits of reading, so today we want to look at three priceless benefits that you wouldn't necessarily think about when choosing to sit down with your child and a book and open that first page....

It's about Love

Reading to a child communicates love and acceptance to a child primarily in two ways - firstly, through physical touch, and secondly through sharing an experience that fosters emotional closeness.

We've written before on the blog about just how important Love is to learning - it is the 'thing' that makes all learning stick.  And the beauty of reading with your child is that it is about more than just pictures and words on a page - it is about Love.

Imagine a scene where a dad is reading to his son. The son is sitting on his father's lap, enveloped in his arms, and both of them are fixated on the book in front of them. Dad is reading each word with emphasis, his tone and inflection changing, and his facial expressions mimicking what he's reading. He suddenly roars (like a lion...) and his son laughs and curls even closer to his dad... Can you see it? Can you see what we're trying to describe?

As parents, we can sometimes see reading a chore... But for a child, reading is about Love.  It is a time when his mom or dad physically and emotionally 'comes down' to his level and there is a closeness. He comes to anticipate the funny monkey sounds or the knock-knock-knocking that are coming on the next page... his excitement and joy are barely contained...

Reading fosters Love - it is about sharing, one-on-one with your child. It is about opening up a world of fairy tales, or dinosaurs, or farm animals or whatever it is... It is about taking your child's hand and guiding them through a door into a world where they will be given anything their heart desires...

Teaching your child to associate love and closeness with reading is possibly the best foundation you could ever lay for your child in terms of academics, social skills, and increasing language and therefore intellectual development. This is because the pleasant memories create in a child a hunger for more... But more than that, reading gives you an opportunity to be close, to share a moment, to laugh together and Love together.

Its about finding a familiar place in the world

As parents, we assume that children get bored of reading the same book over and over again, but contrary to this popular belief, children actually thrive on this predictability. To a child, being able to predict what is going to happen on the next page is equal to being able to predict his world and understand his place in it, making him feel safe and secure. Predictability is one of the most fundamental emotional and intellectual needs of a child, and reading is the easiest way for a parent to almost exactly recreate an entire 20 minute experience over and over again, day after day.

Repetition is of course also a strong foundation of learning - because children learn through seeing, hearing and experiencing the same thing over and over again.

It's about doing what works

Another common misconception is that books are often seen as 'old fashioned' and parents are tempted to replace them with seemingly more modern stimulation, such as television, dvd's, video games, computers, and battery-operated toys with moving parts and flashing lights...

The difference between these 'new and improved' types of stimulation and reading, is that reading (and story-telling) will always be the number one activity that requires of a child to actively use his brain to make it fun. In order for reading to 'make sense' and be enjoyable, your child needs to use various parts of his brain to process the activity. As opposed to other more 'modern' stimulation, where a lot less is asked of his brain...

Finally it is important to understand that reading is a really high-functioning skill and nothing else, definitely not television, not educational games, not flash cards, not even something as precious as talking to your child or singing songs till the cows come home... nothing stimulates phonetic and phonological awareness (which is absolutely crucial for reading readiness) quite as much as reading age-appropriate children's books with loads of rhyme and repetition, over and over again. Therefore, reading to a child not only fosters a love for reading, it actually wires a child's brain to be able to learn to read later on...

With this said, we hope that the next time you buy your child a book, or the next time you reorganise their book-shelf, you stop for a second and see a book for what it is... It is not only the best foundation for future reading abilities with all the good things that go along with that, but it is also a magical key to demonstrating your love for your child, and creating a safe and predictable place for him in our fast-paced world that can at times be so scary for little souls...

A book really is more than just the sum total of it's pages and colourful pictures - it is a gift; for you, for your child, for the future.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogam.co.za

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Middle Ear Infection Emergeny Kit

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In our last post, we discussed how middle ear infection can affect your child. The effects are often overlooked or unknown, and so we really felt passionate about sharing this with you, as a parent - if you missed the post, go here.

Today, we're looking at a communication 'Emergency Kit' - ways in which you can communicate with your child while they have this kind of infection, to ensure that you are maximising their ability to understand you. Please remember that fluid can remain on the ear for up to six weeks after the cold or allergy has been treated.

Sourced from an article written by Shannan H. Vines and Jo Rosenthal-Tanzer, both speech therapists, entitled Otitis Media and Speech and Language Development:

Structure the environment to help your child listen and learn by doing the following things:

• Get your child's attention before you begin talking. Call your child's name, tap your child's shoulder, or say "Look at me".
• Use gestures and facial expressions to help convey your meaning.
• Get down to your child's eye level.
• Emphasize word endings that may be difficult for your child to hear.
• Reduce background noise. Turn off the television and radio. Quiet other children playing in the room.
• Reduce physical activities during the communication process.

By doing these things, you are creating the ideal environment for your child to understand you and you will be minimising the possible negative effects that this kind of infection will have on your child's language development.


Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

How Hearing Impacts Learning

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According to Dr Vincent Iannelli of the American Association of Paediatrics,
50% of children under the age of 12 months will experience at least one episode of middle ear infection (otitis media), and between the ages of one and three, 35% of children will have repeated episodes.

When we consider how important hearing is to language development and learning, it is staggering to imagine that many children will spend months of their formative years in a murky silence... not understanding clearly what is being said to them...

What is Middle Ear Infection?

Middle ear infection is caused by fluid build up on the middle ear, which affects the ear's ability to process sound properly. It's one thing to know this and another to understand what this actually means for your child.

To get an idea of how a child with middle ear-infection hears, put your hands over your ears tightly and ask another adult to read to you. It is really difficult to hear that person, especially if they aren't facing you and even more when there are background noises or other distractions occurring. 

Middle ear infection can be caused by a common cold, allergies or irritants such as cigarette smoke - and it can happen to any child.


How Middle Ear Infection Impacts Language Development

Middle ear infections affect your child's ability to hear high-frequency sounds such as consonants, and especially those consonants at the end of words. So, for example, you might say 'bat' but your child hears 'back'. He or she will also struggle to hear short words such as 'to', 'but' or 'and'.

Living in this murky and muffled world is obviously frustrating for children, and they can often become tired or just plain bored with trying to understand what on earth you're trying to say. It just becomes too difficult, or even impossible, to focus on the finer details and nuances that makes language what it is. And of course, these finer details are so important because they can change the whole meaning of a sentence.

This has obvious and serious affects on language development, resulting in speech delays, problems with focusing attention, poor self-esteem, social problems, reading problems, and inability to follow instructions.

The real life implications of these delays is a child who is often 'left behind' in social settings. Older children (over the age of three years) who have experienced frequent episodes of these infections when they were younger often don't add the detail at the end of words, such as final consonants, past tense or plurals.

These infections often go 'unheard'

What often happens with middle ear infections is that sometimes it doesn't present with pain, so your child will not even indicate that there is something wrong. Your child cannot hear properly, but they don't have a big enough frame of reference to understand that they're not hearing properly...

Another misconception is that once it a cold or allergy is treated, the infection goes away. The truth of the matter is that the fluid can remain in the ear, affecting hearing, for up to six weeks after an infection or cold clears.

Because of this, it is important to know and look out for the signs that your child may have middle ear infection or still has fluid on the ear.

Symptoms of Middle Ear Infection

• Ear aches or draining of the ears
• Fever
• Partial loss of hearing
• Different responses to speech and everyday sounds
• Changes in sleeping or eating habits
• Irritability
• Rubbing or pulling on ears
• Having difficulty with balance
• Turning the TV or radio up louder than usual
• Frequent need to have directions and information repeated
• Talking less than usual
• Unclear speech
• Using gestures rather than talking
• Delayed speech and language development

How to prevent Middle Ear Infection

• Avoid irritants such as cigarette smoke and allergens
• Consider a day care solution with fewer than six children
• Always wash hands and keep toys (especially those that are put in a child's mouth) clean
• Breastfeeding, even if only for a few weeks, makes a baby less prone to these infections
• Don't overuse antibiotics, since this can breed ever-resistant bacteria
• Allow plenty of fresh air in the home to avoid air-borne germs
• Consult a nurse or doctor about available vaccines
• Don't put your child to bed with a bottle because the liquid can leak out and go into the small tube leading to the middle ear

The reason we believe this post is so important is because middle ear infection can often go unoticed - or when it is noticed, it is considered to be 'just one of those things'. It really important to ensure that your child is treated, and that as a parent, you know that recurrent infections can have a major impact on your child's ability to hear for long periods of time.

In our next post, we will be looking at an 'emergency kit' should your child have middle ear infection. What you can do maximise his ability to hear and ensure that he's not left behind in a 'murky' and silent world.


Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: We learn a great deal about typical development from those children who do not develop typically... Creating an ideal environment for development entails a 'recipe' with certain key ingredients - and we know which ingredients play which role when we look at what happens when one of them is missing. We hope that this post motivates our Practica Parents to have a new appreciation for the Group 4 Activities in the Parents' Guide, which are focused on developing listening skills in children.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Healthy Praise - 3 Practical Tips



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In our last post, we discussed how not all praise is equal. In fact, if praise were like food, some praise is like the finest organic fruit and vegetables, while other praise is like junk food which is plain unhealthy and even harmful (if you missed the post, go here).

However, there is so much research out there on the effects of praise, that we took the opportunity to sift through much of it for you and bring you the three most important things to remember when praising your children.

We believe that knowledge is all fine and well, but we need to find a way to apply it to our lives in a practical way, otherwise it can just become another 'burden' that weighs us, as parents, down.

We really hope these tips, which are based on real studies, will help you to see how to use praise in the way that we know it is intended - as a tool to nurture and grow our children's abilities and talents.

Praising Tip #1

DO praise your children for things that are within their power to change.

Praise your child for good manners, working hard, persevering at a task, for thinking of clever ways to solve a problem, for being a team player, for treating others with respect, following instructions, doing more than what was expected and other good choices that your child makes. By praising your child for things that are within his power to change, you are communicating to him that he has the power to make the right choices and that his efforts are recognised.

DO NOT praise your child by telling him how smart or talented he is.

It is not healthy to respond to your child's successes by saying, "Look how SMART you are!"

Children easily get the idea that adults observe them from a distance, rating how they fare at certain tasks, with the goal of stereotyping into little boxes marked with signs like 'genius', 'above-average', 'average' and 'stupid', and it scares them. What if they are confronted with something they can't do? Will adults see their failure as a sign that they are not as smart as they once thought? Will a mistake lead to a loss of love or respect?

These children don't want to risk loosing their little 'gifted' tags that have been hung around their necks and as a result they avoid challenges (Mueller and Dweck 1998).

Praising Tip #2

DO be sincere and specific

Wait for a real opportunity to praise your child. Then be specific and give information about what impressed you, for example "This picture is my favourite. I like how you took your time and used many different colours."

Keep in mind that, by giving information about what you appreciate, you are conveying a standard that is shaping how your child will act in future. So be careful to set reasonable standards and not unintentionally inhibit your child with your comments. If you would, for instance, always say that you like  a picture because he used blue and green, then he may never use orange and red again!

DO NOT praise in a way that is overenthusiastic or undeserved

Very young children will likely take a parent's praise at face value, but older children are a different story. As children mature, from about the age of 3-4, they become aware a parent's possible motives for praising them, and they respond negatively to insincere praise.

When you praise a child in a situation where they feel that they didn't really deserve the recognition, they may feel that you think they are in need of encouragement and that you are praising them because you feel sorry for them (Meyer 1992).

A child may also feel as though you are trying to be manipulative, or that you don't really understand them (Henderlong and Lepper 2002).

Praising Tip #3

DO focus on your child as an individual

Be truly interested and involved in a child's personal interests, growth and successes, regardless of what other children are like, do or achieve. Praise a child when he does something right or masters something, and not for outperforming other children.

DO NOT use praise that compares your child to others

Children who are praised for outperforming others initially respond well by trying hard to make their parents proud. However, they become so focused on winning that they don't learn to enjoy the activity itself, and when they no longer win, they loose interest.

Many of these children also react by avoiding challenges, because they have a real fear of not being the best. This kind of praise doesn't prepare them for coping with failure and it doesn't teach them making mistakes is an important and valuable part of learning (Elliot and Dweck 1988).

References:
Mueller CM and Dweck CS. 1998. Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Journal for Personality and Social Psychology 75(1): 33-52

Meyer W.-U. 1992. Paradoxical effects of praise and criticism on perceived ability. In: W. Strobe and M. Hewstone (eds): European review of social psychology, volume 3. Chichester, England: Wiley.

Henderlong J and Lepper MR. 2002. The effects of praise on children’s intrinsic motivation: A review and synthesis. Psychological Bulletin 128(5): 774-795.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

When Praise is Harmful



Image: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

 As a parent, I want to raise my children in a way that celebrates who they are and what they achieve. I want them to know that they have a special place in the world and that the world is truly a better place because they are in it.

I feel this way so strongly that sometimes when I think of how much I love my children, and how much I want them to understand that they are special - my heart actually constricts for a moment... fluttering in anticipation for their future.

I don't think I am alone on this one - I think that most parents feel this way about their children. One way in which we try to give our children this positive message is through praise. Contrary to three or four generations ago, when children 'were seen and not heard', in today's world, we praise our children as diligently as we feed and bath them - it is a 'staple food' in our daily emotional diet.

However, just like not all foods are healthy, not all kinds of praise are healthy either. Certain kinds of praise are like junk food, filled with empty calories, while other kinds of praise are like smorgasbords of finest organic fruits and vegetables, packed with healthy nutrients.

What is “junk food praise” and why is it unhealthy?

One example of junk food praise is when our praise labels our children. Remember that any label (positive or negative) can be damaging, because it shapes how a child views himself and the world. “But...” I hear you say... “isn't a 'positive label' good for self-concept?” No. Not always.

For example, if your child completes a puzzle and you say proudly, "oh you're so clever!" you are effectively labelling your child as clever. What happens then is interesting, because instead of having a positive effect, your child actually starts to become fearful of living up to this expectation of 'cleverness'.

They become afraid of trying something that they just might not succeed in, lest they be 'caught out' and no longer be considered as clever. Because, you see, after hearing it enough times they start to equate their 'cleverness' with your love - in other words, mommy and daddy love them because they're clever.

What is “organic praise” and why is it healthy?

Using the same example, a healthy response to a finished puzzle could be, "Well done for completing the puzzle! I have noticed that you started with the corners today. That worked well. Good plan" or “I saw you enjoyed that puzzle and worked hard at it. Way to go!”

By giving this kind of practical feedback, you are effectively telling your child that his efforts and choices are noticed and valuable. He is a capable human being who can achieve things when he applies himself. Working hard can be fun and, at times, having a good time is a good reason in itself to do things!

When you give practical feedback, your child needn't be afraid of living up to any passive 'label' bestowed on him by forces outside his sphere of influence. The focus is on what he does and chooses – two things that he can control. As a result, he will be more willing to try new and more difficult things. He is given the message that 'we enjoy watching you develop and make choices’ instead of ‘how lucky we are that you are so smart.’

This gives your child the security of knowing that your love and approval are not dependent on his success. Because let’s face it, all people and our children included, will face their fair share of failures.

After all, being successful has nothing to do with avoiding failure with a big old ‘clever-label’ around your neck. On the contrary, it’s about learning the lessons that you need to learn from your own fair share of ups and downs - so that you can get to a place where you are truly leading a life that you love.

A fascinating bit of research:

In her article entitled The Perils and Promises of Praise, American psychologist Dr Carol Dweck, who has studied student motivation for 35 years, explains that the way in which children view their own intelligence is closely linked to how they are praised (Dweck 1999, 2006).

In one of her studies, a group of 5th grade children were all given a task to complete, and then one group of them was praised for their intelligence only ("You must be smart at these problems"), while the second group was praised for their effort ("You must have worked hard at these problems").

The researchers then asked a question that each child had to agree or disagree with - "Your intelligence is something basic about you that you cannot really change.” Children praised for their intelligence agreed more with this statement than children who were praised for their efforts!

The children were also asked to define intelligence, and once again, the children praised for intelligence made more reference to it being a fixed and innate capacity, while children praised for their effort made references to effort and learning.

The children were then given the option of working on a task that was challenging or a task that guaranteed an error-free performance. Most of the children praised for intelligence opted for the easy task, while most children praised for effort opted for the challenging task.

Next, the children were given a challenging task to complete, on a whole the children who were praised for their intelligence lost their confidence as soon as it became difficult, because they equated success with 'cleverness' and if they were struggling, then it meant that they were not clever... The other group who were praised for their effort on the whole remained confident and eager.

Finally, when the children were asked to hand in their scores (anonymously), almost 40% of the intelligence-praised children lied, because their feelings of self-worth were so wrapped up in their performance that they couldn't admit to mistakes. Only 10% of the effort-praised children falsified their results. (I have to admit that I’m a bit taken aback by the fact that so many of them actually lied!)

"Praising children for their intelligence, then, hands them not motivation and resilience but a fixed mind-set with all its vulnerability. In contrast, effort or 'process' praise (praise for engagement, perseverance, strategies, improvement, and the like) fosters hardy motivation. It tells children what they've done to be successful and what they need to do to be successful again in the future," says Dr Dweck.

What to make of this?

We believe we are all praising our children from our hearts and with the best intentions. But, as always, parents who know better do better. That is why we have written about this, because many parents would never guess that something as well-intentioned as telling their child that he is clever can have such a far reaching impact.

In our next post, we will give you 3 practical tips on how to avoid the wrong the kinds of praise by replacing them with the right kinds of praise. Until then, let’s just play it safe and follow the advice of Kenneth Blanchard, author of the The One Minute Manager: catch them doing things right. When your children do things that legitimately warrant praise from you, give practical feedback on what they have done right and the good choices that they have made.

And don’t forget to tell them that you’re so thankful that they were born. I can’t imagine that that could ever back-fire?

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better
Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za


*Practica Parents: All the activities in the Practica Program obviously give Practica kids more opportunities than most children to do things that call for praise from parents. I can imagine that it’s going to take some practice to think of things to say that are practical and relevant – it just used to be so much easier to sincerely respond with “you’re so smart” to everything! But it cannot be too difficult. If our kids can learn new things – so can we!

How to teach Manners - the 123 and ABC

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In our last post we discussed how important it is to guide your young child in developing good manners because it will affect his self-concept, create higher EQ and eventually culminate in more success later on life (if you missed the post, go here). However, we're still just human beings, and some clear directions come in handy from time to time!

So, this post is going to give you the '123 and ABC' of manners - what you can realistically expect, when and how!

Although we all know this as parents, it can't hurt to repeat it - children learn by example!  So, if you want to foster respect in your child, treat them and those in their world with respect. If you want your child to say 'please', use the term when you ask something of them. If you want your child to greet people warmly, then make sure you greet them and those in their world warmly as well. And the list goes on...

1 and 2 year olds
You can realistically add 'please' and 'thank you' to your child's vocabulary from when they are able to say a few words. Be consistent and after you're sure that your child knows the words well, prompt him to say them when requesting or receiving something.

Introducing your child to dinner-time around the table around the age of two is also great! Even if they've eaten already, give them a bowl of yogurt or fruit, so that they don't feel left out. Talk to your toddler during dinner to demonstrate the social side of family dinners and let him experiment with a spoon. There may be a bit of a mess, which is understandable, but don't allow him to make a mess for the sake of it. Remember to praise your child when you're done, for example, "What a good job you did eating with your spoon tonight buddy!"

Two-year-olds can also be taught to greet politely. You can start by practicing at home, with all his stuffed toys, creating a little 'pretend' visit where he says 'hello' and 'goodbye' to each toy. You can also prompt your little one when you're going to visit a friend by saying, "We're going to visit aunty Mary. When we get there we're going to say 'hello'". However, some little ones get 'stage fright' anyway when it comes to saying hello to real people, and in this instance you can say hello for your child, reinforcing the social principle.

Toddlers will rarely 'play nicely' without adult supervision, so be prepared to closely monitor play dates. Sometimes it helps to have a special 'play date toy box' with two of every toy, but if this is not possible and there is a single favourite toy that everyone wants a piece of, ensure that everyone gets a turn. In this way you can introduce your toddler to the word 'share'. Sometimes you may need to change the scenery by going outside or to another room. And don't forget to praise your toddler when he does share nicely.

3 and 4 year olds

It is important to remember that whatever rules you put in place need to apply both at home and while you're out. However, don't ever embarrass your child out in public, if he has done something that requires a talk, do so in a private place like a washroom. Also remember that if you threaten consequences, you need to be willing to follow through.

Your three-year-old can now learn to not interrupt. You can teach him to tap your leg or put his hand on your arm when he wants your attention while you're in mid-sentence. Simply putting your free hand on his will reassure him that you know he's there and that he's waiting his turn to talk to you. Unless he's in real distress, he can only benefit from learning to wait for 5 or 10 minutes.

Now is the age to build on the table-manners you started the previous year. Make a light-hearted game out of sitting still and straight up for up to 10 minutes or longer. You can expect him to use his napkin properly and eat with a spoon or fork correctly. In addition he should be drinking from a cup neatly and can learn to ask to be excused from the table. He is also old enough to help to lay and clear the table around dinner time.

Your child is also old enough now to follow some basic 'birthday party etiquette' - such as not going for the pile of gifts that are not for him. When it's his party, you can teach him to accept gifts graciously through role play - remember, children often learn better when a concept is demonstrated to them. Praising your child for his efforts is so important, and try not to sweat the small mistakes he might make.

Saying 'sorry' and accepting a 'sorry' is also important at this stage. As parents, we instinctively prompt our children to say 'sorry' when they've hurt someone or taken someone's toy, and just as we'd like them to say sorry, we also want them to learn to graciously accept an apology if they are on the receiving end of the 'offence'.

Most children won't be able to say 'sorry' and mean it until they're about 7-8 years old. So while your child is still far from reaching that milestone, you will need to help him understand why he needs to say 'sorry', otherwise the word will end up having an empty meaning for him. For example, you can say, "Johnny, see how sad Ben is that you took his toy? Please give his toy back and say 'sorry' to help Ben feel better."

Another way to teach 'sorry' is to do so yourself if you have been in the wrong with your child, if for instance you've lost your temper with him. If you - the 'invincible' parent - can apologise, then it becomes easier for your child to say 'sorry' too.

Around this age, young children can sometimes lash out and call people names like 'stupid'. If your child does this you can simply say, "We don't call people stupid, I will not have you talk like that," and remove your child from the situation, explaining that he can't be around his friends or family if he doesn't talk nicely.

By the age of four, most children can remember to use the words 'please' and 'thank you' appropriately. They can also remember to say 'excuse me' after burps, and greet people without being prompted. But again, don't feel as though you've failed if they forget every now and again - Rome was not built in a day after all!

5 and 6 year olds

Your child should now be able to sit around a dinner table with the rest of the family and guests in an appropriate way - sitting still, receiving food graciously, eating with utensils, chewing with his mouth closed etc. 

As always, role-play is always helpful as it builds self-confidence. So if you want to you can 'simulate' a restaurant dinner, light candles and put flowers on the table. Make sure to give your child a list of the manners you want to see around the table, and then reward him in some way for a job well done.

Dinner is a wonderful time to share and come together as a family. Practice asking each other questions about the day and sharing in a light-hearted way. Try to avoid making dinner-time a battle-zone by keeping lectures and comments about unfinished chores for other times of the day, away from the family dinner.

Manners, at this age, should be second nature for your child, as he behaves in a way that is acceptable to your family and your culture.

What is important to remember is that manners are taught - they do not just 'happen' to a child. When you give your child the gift of manners and the self-discipline that goes along with it, you are not only shaping the way in which they perceive themselves and the world, but equipping them with a higher EQ and the potential to be a truly successful citizen of the world.

Having said that (and again...), Rome was not built in a day. There is fine line between firmly and lovingly guiding your child, and becoming a dictator who dissects everything your child does. You know your child best, and you know when they're doing their level best - reward their efforts, tell them you're proud of them, and lead by loving example.

The key principle to remember when you're not sure if you're doing the right thing? "Teach your child that he or she is very important, but no more important than anyone else."

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

3 Reasons to start manners early

I vaguely remember a time before I joined the legion of parents out there, looking at other people's children and thinking smugly to myself... "I would never let my child get away with that..." or "I can't believe how badly behaved that child is, my child will never do that..."

Then... I had my own children! And now it's a whole new ball game. I can now understand just how difficult it is to shape my children's behaviour in a positive way, and just how much time and effort it really takes. It's not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, I am sure you will agree? But still, I hope and pray that my children will one day be abundantly blessed with that magic social gift call 'manners'.

So how is it done - how do I bestow upon my little charges the very important gift of manners? What can be expected at their various ages and stages of development? When do I start? How do I start?

These are all questions that I think most parents ask, because we're all secretly hoping that on the other side of the 'tantrum curtain' is the little angel that we know exists in there... somewhere...

Common Questions

Many parents wonder why they should teach their children 'respectful' behaviour before the age of 7-8, which is when they really only start to understand the concept of 'respect'.

For example, why force a two-year-old, who is at a very difficult stage socially, to say 'please' and 'thank you' when they don't understand the words? Is that not being unreasonable? Surely, children who grow up in an environment where other people are being considerate to them will eventually choose to turn into considerate human beings - when they are good and ready to do so?

It's a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg? In other words, does a child have to understand respect in order to behave respectfully?

Well, in our research we have found three important reasons to strive to teach our children to be as well-mannered as reasonably possible from early on - firstly, acting respectfully leads to being respectful; secondly, good manners help pave the way to a higher EQ; and thirdly, manners teaches self-control which leads to success.

Acting respectfully leads to being respectful

Parents who put manners on the back-burner until their child is old enough to develop his own convictions about the matter, usually find themselves in a rather precarious situation. The reality of the situation is that it becomes difficult for the parents and others in their child's life to act as if their child is a blessing and a joy to be around if he's running around like a self-centered mini-dictator... no matter how understanding they try to be.

The development of this child's self-concept is not put on the back-burner along with the manners - no matter how young he is, the way in which those around him react to him continually shapes the way in which he perceives himself and the world around him. If people are constantly irritated and annoyed in this child's company, he will come to view himself as 'irritating' and learn that the world is cold and unwelcoming to someone who is as 'unlikeable' as he is.

On the other hand, approving smiles, appreciative looks, and positive comments from parents and other people can have an almost miraculously positive impact on a child's developing self-concept. It therefore makes sense to teach a child to be pleasant and courteous to people, even if he doesn't really yet understand the concept underlying this behaviour.

Then, by the time a child is old enough to truly understand what respect means, he will have three good reasons to continue being respectful. 1) He has been treated with respect within his own family and social circle many times before and knows that it feels good. 2) He has treated others with respect many times before and knows it makes them feel good. 3) He is used to thinking of himself as a 'nice boy' and acting in a way that is contrary to this is unthinkable to him. Being 'respectful' is just a more grown-up way of looking at it!

Good manners help pave the way to a higher EQ

Just like a child can be born with an amazing aptitude of music or sport, which may never be realised due to lack of opportunities, a child can also be born with the potential to develop a high emotional intelligence (EQ) and never reach this potential due to lack of guidance.

One of the most important components of EQ is a person's ability to effectively 'read' what other people are feeling and respond accordingly. Since having good manners is in essence about being sensitive to the needs and feelings of other people, teaching manners is a wonderfully practical way to help your child develop his emotional intelligence.

For example, when your child wipes his mouth on the tablecloth, you can remind him to use his napkin and make sure to bring other people's feelings into the picture by adding, "The reason why we wipe our mouths on napkins is because we want to keep the table looking nice and clean for all the other people who are also eating."

Another example is when your child interrupts you while you're on the phone. You can say, "You're interrupting. It's Granny on the phone. Mommy loves Granny. I need to speak to her. You'll have to wait for a while." Then hold your child's hand if need be so that he knows that you know that he's waiting. Continue talking for a few minutes, unless your child is in physical distress or danger.

No child can develop exceptional social skills without learning somewhere along the line that his feelings and needs are very important, but no more important than the feelings and needs of the other people in his world.

Manners teaches self control which leads to success

Dr Walter Mischel, psychologist specialising in personality theory and social psychology at the University of Columbia, studied hundreds of four-year-olds. In his study, each child was left alone in a room with a one-way-mirror for 15-20 minutes with a marshmallow on a plate in front of them. Before leaving the room 'to run an errand', the doctor explained that the child was allowed to eat the marshmallow, but if they could wait for him to return, they would get two marshmallows to eat!

Only one-third of the children were able to wait for his return and the reward of an extra marshmallow.

Follow-up studies of the children who were able to wait revealed that when these children were old to enough to graduate from high school, they scored higher on achievement tests. They also dealt with stress better and were more popular with their peers.

Researchers now know that there is an area in the brain called the 'dorsal frontomedian cortex', which is situated just above the eyes. This area is responsible for a person's ability to exercise self-control. Interestingly - and importantly - although it is one of the last areas of the brain to mature, its wiring starts at a very young age.

The more your child uses this area in his brain, even when he's only a toddler, the more densely it is wired. In other words, the more your child gets the opportunity to practice his ability to exert self-control, the easier it becomes (this is where all grandparents spontaneously applaud)!

Luckily we are not suggesting boot camps for toddlers! Dr Daniel Goleman, hugely successful psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence (which was on the New York best-sellers list for 18 months and has sold five million copies worldwide in 30 different languages), says that parents can help a child develop self-control by doing nothing more than being good parents.

Instead of leaving it up to the child to figure out for themselves how they should behave, parents should be present to direct and influence their child's behaviour. Dr Goleman describes that this can be achieved by consistently saying 'no' to your child when he does something undesirable, encourage him to try again when he is frustrated by a challenging task and remind him to mind his manners in various situations.

The reason why parents' reminders eventually become internalised is because they are literally wired into their child's brain over time. "Habits shape character and character determines destiny."

So, when you're frustrated and feeling as though your efforts are simply falling into a bottomless black pit (also known as the 'terrible twos')... remember, you are making a difference to your child's development which will set the course of his life. Just like a river starts with a small trickle of water and grows bigger and wider and stronger as it gets closer to the ocean, so too will your efforts eventually accumulate to create a 'tide of manners'.


Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Practica Parents: We specifically develop emotional intelligence with games from 0-7 years, but ALL the Practica games actually develop EQ! Why? Because EQ has to do with how well a person can read and react to his own and other people’s emotions and control his own attitude and behaviour, and every Practica activity is an ideal opportunity to model and teach these skills in the right way at every age. Now that is Parent Power!


If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Making the Most of Television

Image Source: http://www.squidoo.com/



Newsflash: If you are interested in the response to the last article, as well as questions from parents and corresponding answers from Lizette, please visit our 'parents say...' page.

In our last post we told the truth about the effect that television has on your young child (under 3 years) - if you missed it, go here. In this post, we want to equip parents with the tools they need to make the most of television when it comes to their older toddlers and children. We hope that it makes a difference in your life!

Switch if off when you're not actively watching
Parents often report that their children don't seem to be interested in television and they want to know if it's ok to have it on in the background while they go about their day?

Studies have confirmed that a television on the background is actually detrimental to one-on-one interaction between parent and child. These studies have found that parents say an average of 941 words when the television is off, but this drops to only 171 words when the television is on in the background (and not even being actively watched!). We did a post about this very subject, if you want to read it go here.

Obviously this does not bode well for language development and the precious 'sharing-time' that you have with your child. We cannot stress enough the impact that one-on-one time with your child has on language and intellectual development. This will become a dedicated post in and of itself in the near future. So when you're not actively watching a program, keep the television switched off.

Limit Viewing Time
Young children learn language (which is closely linked to intellectual development) through one-on-one conversations.  According to the Kaiser Family Foundation in the US, the average American family spends four hours watching television a day, but only 38.5 minutes engaged in meaningful conversation with their children.

The Daily Mail in the UK reported that by the age of five, when children there enter formal education systems, only about half of the children are able to speak properly. The other half struggle to string a sentence together and understand simple instructions. Experts point to modern-day parents no longer having conversations with their children, televisions being used as 'babysitters', and dinner-time being held in front of the television, as reasons for this lack of language acquisition (for a link to this article visit http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-541012/Half-year-olds-speak-properly-start-primary-school.html)

Television is Only for Older Children
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no television before the age of two and that children over the age of two be limited to one or two hours of screen time per day.

The rule of thumb is that your child needs to have and understand language first, before they are able to gain anything out of television. If your child is not actively talking, then television is not for them yet.

Repetition Leads to Recognition
Young children naturally do not know enough about the world, people or the meaning of words to gain anything from watching a program once. Instead, they need to see the same program (or DVD) over and over again in order to learn something from it. So treat television as you would a book that you read over and over again.

See the Television as a Book
Watching television with a young child in a way that facilitates learning is not going to be without effort. For a young child to benefit from watching television, the experience has to closely resemble reading a book.

Because of the way in which young children learn and process information, you need to talk to your child and deliberately help him to focus his attention. Otherwise, he'll spend large portions of the time staring mindlessly at the screen. You can, for example, pause a show at certain points and alert your child to watch for certain details such as actions, sound effects and visual images.

Keep an eye on your child's reactions and encourage him to talk about what is happening on the screen, to intentionally involve the language regions of his brain in the process.

You can also copy what the characters are doing and encourage him to do the same, for example, "Can you show me how scared the piggy was?", or "Let me hear how the wolf huffed and puffed!".

In the same way as reading a book, the aim is to enjoy language and discover new ideas as you enter into an imaginary world. You want to deepen your relationship with your child and build his brain by involving various regions of the brain in order to make sense of what he hears and sees.

Give Background Information
One of the best ways to nurture memory and language skills is when a parent and child talk about (or quote from) favourite books. Do the same thing by talking about a television show before and after viewing it. As you talk about main events and characters, you are guiding your child to view the experience from a whole new perspective - as if he is on the outside, looking in.

This is the start of developing an important skill called 'meta-cognition', which refers to the ability that all successful students have to 'think about how they think'.

Move and Learn
Hit the pause button and ask your child to physically stand up and go and point something out on the screen, like a bird or apple etc. Also, clap hands, sing and dance together to the music and songs on your shows.

Bring it Home
Little ones learn by using their bodies. Your child will learn more about the meaning of 'big' and 'small' if he actually touches and holds something that is big and then something that is small. Seeing it on the screen will not help unless you demonstrate new concepts in real life.
For example, if you watch a show and learn about the concept of a 'triangle', you can then teach your child how to make a triangle with his fingers or using matchsticks on the floor.

Find Out More
When your child shows an interest in something that he sees on television, whether it be a certain animal, cowboys, a food or activity, invite him to join you as you google the subject on the Internet or visit your local library and take out a book on the subject.

Read some of the newly found facts out loud and print out some pictures or get some posters to stick on his wall or in his scrapbook. This is a great way to instill a love of learning in your child and to teach him that learning is even more fun when he actively pursues it.

Eat Elsewhere
Eating in front of the television is the biggest conversation killer, and it's also been found that it increases obesity because it's easier to overeat when you're enthralled by a program on television.

Parents often also find that it is easier to feed their children while they're in front of a television, and that they'd often gulp down food they wouldn't ordinarily eat.

However, nutritionists warn that this is not a good way to get food into picky eaters, because they're not learning to accept new foods at all - they're simply mesmerised and don't notice what they're eating. Sneaking in a few mouthfuls of a new food while your baby watches television is not developing a healthy relationship with food.

There is no doubt that television can be used as a learning tool, but only if it's done correctly and with effort on the part of the parent. Again, nothing can take the place of one-on-one interaction, especially when it comes to your child's language and intellectual abilities.

By applying these tips, something that would otherwise dampen one-on-one time and rob your child's brain from growth opportunities, now becomes a tool for sharing, learning and making wonderful memories!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: Many of the activities in the Parents Guide that are aimed at language and intellectual development using books and everyday situations, can be adapted easily to suit Constructive Television Time. Reading through the list of activities for your child's age-group will give you fresh and exciting ideas.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za