Asking and answering questions made simple

Image: www.lorenstow.co.za

Most parents can agree that it is incredibly frustrating when your baby or toddler wants something but can’t communicate what it is… You don’t know what to get them or do for them, and they get increasingly frantic… Another example is when you know that your child knows something, but when you ask them a question about it, all you get is a blank stare, like when you ask your child to show you the blue crayon and all of a sudden they can’t.

    With this in mind, we thought it would be fitting to do a post on how to teach your child to ask and answer questions. It is not as difficult as it sounds and is based firmly on encouraging your child to take part in his day-to-day activities while giving him a running commentary of what’s happening and why.

    Other than the obvious benefit of being able to understand what your child wants, teaching him how to ask to questions will also boost his confidence, help him to learn more about what’s going on around him in his world, and eventually increase his social skills.

Learning to ask

The process of teaching your child how to ask questions is, as with everything else, an on-going ‘dance’ that will continue well into adolescence, but you can get started from about the age of 21 months.

Question skills generally follow a typical order as follows:


2 yrs             Q: Yes/No     Eg: May I go?
2yrs              Q: What       Eg: What is this?
2 ½ yrs         Q: Where      Eg: Where is my shoe?
2 ½ - 3 yrs    Q: Who         Eg: Who is that?
4 – 5 yrs       Q: Why         Eg: Why is he crying?
4 – 5 yrs       Q: How         Eg: How did you make that?
5 – 6 yrs       Q: When       Eg: When is she coming?

“What” and “Where” questions develop first because at that stage a child is typically more interested in the names and locations of various things in their world. The “Why” and “How” questions develop from age four because this is when children start to think in more abstract terms. And the “When” questions develop after a child has learned a concept of time.

Why do some children struggle to ask questions?

There could be three reasons, and if your child is struggling at all it may be a good idea to see which area could use some attention. In order to ask a question your child needs to:

1. Know how to put words together to form questions
2. Have the thinking skills to think of something to ask
3. Trust that the other person is going to react positively

Encourage your child to ask questions

• You can start by modelling the behaviour and showing your child how people think about certain things, and then answer your own questions, for example “What is this? A feather!” or “What are we going to do next? Close the door!”

• Give your full attention when your child is asking a question, get down to their eye level and be patient, allowing enough time for the question to be asked.

• Answer your child’s questions – when you do this your child knows that they have been successful and their self-confidence is boosted.

• If you don’t understand the question, ask your child to repeat it or to try and show you. If your child hasn’t asked correctly or hasn’t used words, repeat their question in a simple, correct way and then answer it. For example, if your child points at their juice on the table you can say, “You want your juice? Here, mommy will get your juice for you.”

Learning to answer

The ability to answer questions develops at roughly the same rate as the ability to ask questions, and it’s a good idea to meet your child where they are at. So, if your child is asking “Why” questions, then you can assume that he can answer “Why” questions as well.

    The best time to ask questions is when you and your child are engrossed in an activity together. Wait and watch your child and see what his attention is on, and then ask a question about that. Make sure you have your child’s full attention before asking the question and allow your child some time to answer the question, creating a calm and accepting atmosphere.

    As a parent, it’s important to ask your child questions, but don’t overdo it and become like 00-Mom/Dad… It is all too easy to dominate the conversation. Try using questions to discover what your child is thinking and what he knows so that you know how to relate to him, rather than turning the conversation into a test or a lesson.

    And don’t forget, questions like “You know what?” are your child’s way of getting your attention so that they can share something with you – so respond with interest and love, and most of all have fun!

The Practica Team
parents who know better... do better


Comments? Suggestions? Or simply want to be added to the emailed updates? Contact lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Six weeks to a happier home

Image: http://www.cartonera.co.cc/

Let's face it, as parents we spend most of our time directing our children's behaviour and sometimes it can feel as though all we ever say is 'no', 'don't' and 'stop'. While it is important to guide our children, there is a way to do it that is more positive for both you and your child.

Here's a six-week plan to a happier home - we hope it helps to make a difference!

Week 1: Don’t be surprised when your child acts like a child
Even the sweetest child will repeat just about every bad behaviour at least a few times before he eventually learns from the negative responses that he gets, telling him that certain behaviours are to be avoided.

    You’ll do your child an enormous favour if you accept that it is natural for a young child to experiment with various behaviours, both good and bad.

    Practise for a week to stay calm when your child does something ‘bad’ and do not give in to your emotions. In fact, try to establish why you feel emotional in the first place. Is it not normal for a 3-year old to act like a typical 3-year old?

    Instead of getting upset, or ignoring your child’s bad behaviour to the point where you explode in a fit of rage, rather act quickly and decisively when he does something that is unacceptable. Discipline him as if his offence, as well as your reaction to it, is perfectly normal and within your ability to handle.

    Then go on with life with the firm belief that he is a sweet and good little person who just needs a little nudge in the right direction every now and then.

    Refuse to label your child as ‘bad’ and don’t see anything he does as a personal insult. He will soon discover, and learn to believe, that he is a good person as he learns to see himself through your eyes.

Week 2: Ask for consideration instead of judging
Practise for a week to tell your child how you feel and what you need, instead of telling him he's wrong.

    Say: “I don’t like it when the house is a mess. I need you to help me pick up the toys.” Instead of: “I can’t believe the mess you’ve made! You’re such a slob!”

    Say: “This is my favourite CD and it makes me happy to listen to it. I need you to go and play outside if you’re going to continue being noisy.” Instead of: “Get out or shut up!”

Week 3: Put his feelings into words
Practise for a week to put your child’s feelings into words.

    Say: “You are sad because your toy broke.” / “You are angry because I won’t let you go outside to play.” / “You’re excited about going to the beach and it’s difficult for you to wait.”

    When needed, explain what you expect.

    “You are sad because your toy broke, but sometimes toys do break.”

    “You are angry because I won’t let you go outside to play, but it is time to go to bed now.”

    “You’re excited about going to the beach and it’s difficult for you wait, but you need to help me to get everything ready before we can go.”

    Hearing you put his feelings into words over and over again in various situations lets your child know that you understand him. As a result, he will feel less frustrated when you set boundaries and he will find it easier to deal with his emotions.

Week 4: Talk about what to do, instead of what not to do
Practise for a week to put requests in a positive way, so that your child knows exactly how to stay within the boundaries.

    Say: “You need to walk while we’re in the shop.”
    Instead of: “Don’t run in the shop!”

    Say: “Look with your eyes, not with your hands.”
    Instead of: “Don’t touch!”

    Say: “Pet the cat like this.”
    Instead of: “Don’t hurt the cat!”

Week 5: Express confidence in your child
Practise for a week to build your child’s feelings of self-worth by telling him that you believe in his ability.

    Say: “I know you can do this.”

    Say: “I’m so proud of you for doing what I tell you to.”

Week 6: Avoid trying to use guilt as a tool
No happy and successful man has ever stood in front of an audience with the words: “I want to thank my mother for making me feel guilty most of the time. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without those feelings.”

    Many parents doubt their own ability to set boundaries and to discipline their children appropriately. So they resort to using guilt as a tool. They don’t allow themselves to relax or to be happy when they are around their children, because they are afraid of being caught off guard. Instead, they act like frustrated martyrs, in an attempt to evoke sympathy from their children and blackmail them into being ‘good’.

    It takes courage to be happy and enjoy life. Practise for a week to relax and enjoy your children while they’re within the boundaries. When they overstep the boundaries, deal with it as quickly as possible - without laying a guilt trip on them. Then resume where you left off. Soon, being happy will become your default state of mind!

The Practica Team
parents who know better... do better

Comment or want to be added to the email update list? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

3 Tips on how to Calm an Angry Child

picture: http://www.myguitarsolo.com/

In a previous post called “The Two Kinds of Tantrums” we described how certain tantrums require that parents move towards their children to help them to deal with their overwhelming emotions, while a second kind of tantrum requires that parents move away from their child.

With this in mind we’ve sourced a few practical tips from http://www.allsands.com/ for you; something to keep up your sleeve for when your child genuinely needs emotional support and you feel as if you need a “magic wand” to make things better!

3 quick comfort measures for a child of any age

There are times when all children become angry or upset. It can be caused by something as simple as having been out at the mall too long, or even something more obvious like a sibling taking the other child’s favourite toy. There are quick and simple ways you can calm your child, but be aware that each child is different and may prefer different methods to settle down.

1. Small children are often comforted by being held tightly. Rock and sing to them. Express your love for them in terms that increase in size. For example, “My love for you is as big as a bug.” Then progress to, “My love for you is as big as a gorilla.” Encourage your child to help you think up bigger and bigger things until they are no longer focused on the anger.

2. Whisper in your child’s ear. Whisper that you love them, or whisper something silly. If they’ve been screaming this will stop them as they strain to listen to you. If you can think up something really great to say, often the upset turns to laughter or at least a less frantic mood.

3. Hold your child and tell them they have a smile inside, and if they don’t let it out it will turn into a giggle. Often it will. If your child is reticent to smile, tickle them gently, or say “no laughing” and usually this will turn things around until the anger is replaced with laughter and smiles.

These methods are not meant to encourage any parent to ignore their child’s anger. Once you have your child calmed down, you can then ask what the trouble is. The point of calming them is not only for emotional reasons, but they will not be able to communicate very well if they are screaming, crying or too upset to speak. Talk softly and gently to your child so that talking about what just angered and upset them doesn’t bring it all back, causing another fit of anger or tears.

The Practically Speaking Team
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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The 10 Things Children REALLY Want From Parents

Picture: www.nanascorner.com

In our world today, parents can often feel that they are not being good parents unless their children have access to countless battery-operated toys, or even more extra-mural activities and sports to choose from. The result is a parent who is running from pillar to post in an effort to give their child everything they can...

But what matters most to children? Is it all the goodies, a designer room, and a jam-packed schedule? Or is it the smile on your face when they walk into a room? If you guessed the latter, you’re right.

Over 16 years, Erin Kurt (a US based teacher) asked her students every Mother’s Day to give her tips on being a better mother. Every year, no matter what country she found herself in, or what the demographic of the students in her class was, the answers were always the same – it’s the small things that parents do that make the biggest difference to their children.

Here is her top 10 list of all time:

1. Come into my bedroom at night, tuck me in and sing me a song. Also, tell me stories about when you were little.

2. Give me hugs and kisses and sit and talk to me privately.

3. Spend quality time with just me, without my brothers and sisters around.

4. Give me nutritious food so that I can grow up healthy.

5. At dinner, talk about what we could do together over the weekend.

6. At night, talk to me about anything – love, school, family etc.

7. Let me play outside... a lot.

8. Cuddle under a blanket and watch our favourite television shows together.

9. Discipline me. It makes me feel like you care.

10. Leave special messages in my desk or lunch bag.


Now, this is by no means an empirical study... but it certainly makes emotional sense to us. We adults tend to view life through the glasses that society has taught us to wear, while children can be profoundly insightful simply because they see things as they really are.

What we can learn from this is that Jesse Jackson was perfectly right when he said: “Your children need your presence more than your presents”.

We live in a society in which, for the most part, time is more scarce than money - so this kind of lifestyle may sound like a tall order to many parents. However, when we know better… we do better and each and every parent can choose to get better at making time to give these simple gifts of love: Attention, Loving Actions and Words, Healthy Food, Playtime, and Discipline – isn’t that great news?

*We think it’s striking how well the children’s top 10 list aligns with Sue Palmar’s article in the Daily Mail titled “Why are children today so unhappy?” Link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-468866/Why-children-today-unhappy.html


Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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How to keep sane when the going gets tough

Picture: http://www.thiscrazythingcalledmotherhood.blogspot.com/

Being a parent is certainly a challenging undertaking, especially since most children can push the boundaries and be emotionally-charged at times. Nowadays, it seems as if the concept of ‘good’ parenting is forever changing, depending on which expert is doing the talking. This is because the very context in which parenting takes place (our cultures, society and the global community), is in a state of constant flux...

While it certainly is a blessing to live in an age where information is so readily available, there is a flip-side to this golden coin. The result can be a parent that is overwhelmed, tired, unsure and lacking confidence. Unfiltered and contradicting information can paralyse instead of galvanise.

However, one thing has not changed... That little person standing in front of you who is throwing a wobbly because he is not getting whatever it is he so desperately wants. Young children the world over are more alike than different, and they all share the same uncanny ability to push the limits with relentless stamina at times – as if they are programmed to ‘go, go, go!’.

Another unchanging fact is that all children experience frustration from time to time. It may be caused by all sorts of things – not getting their way, not being able to get their body to do what they want, not being able to reach the chandelier from which they so badly want to hang... This is one their jobs as children – to experiment with what is and what isn’t possible.

However, many parents today feel that they need to ‘protect’ their children from becoming frustrated, as if frustration in itself is a bad thing. They overlook the fact that frustration teaches children valuable lessons: how to be patient and to persevere. Being able to delay gratification is not inborn, it is a learned ability (and one that many adults can’t do too well either) – and it is an important factor in developing Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

Nowadays many well intended parents try to give in to their children’s every whim in an effort to protect them from feeling frustrated. In the process, these parents (mostly mothers) become tired, overwhelmed, and quite frankly grumpy...

Sadly, when parents are noticeably emotionally battered, their children run a very high risk of experiencing intense feelings of guilt. And a child who is riddled with guilt and shame is far worse off than a child who is given the opportunity to learn to deal with the natural frustrations of everyday life!

Every parent will undoubtedly feel unsure, tired and overwhelmed at times. The road which parents walk is long and winding… But the good news is, whatever your parenting style or philosophy, there are six tried and tested steps and thoughts that you can keep in mind to help ground yourself emotionally - to keep you just a tad further away from slipping into a ‘bad place’ when you’re facing daily challenges with your little one:

Make Friends with Frustration


1. Stop seeing your child’s frustration as ‘bad’... Remember patience, perseverance and the ability to delay gratification are not an inborn qualities, but learned skills (and “obedience” is not a four-letter word!).


2. Don’t feel guilty for being the ‘bad cop’ parent... If you’re worried that you’re the one who is always dishing out the discipline, don’t let the lure of being the ‘good cop’ push you off course. Children desperately need boundaries. Over the long haul they naturally gravitate towards adults who discipline and guide them in a nurturing, but firm way. It’s simply a part of their innate need to have structure in their lives.


3. Fight the urge to ‘give in’ so that your toddler leaves you in peace... There comes a point when parents are just too tired. So in an effort to maintain their sanity, they undermine months of hard work by giving in to their child just to get some peace and quiet. Sound familiar?

Make Friends with Yourself


4. Align your expectations with reality... Children are children after all. The sooner we all start talking about reality, the better. And toddlers specifically are little tornado's of energy with very little life experience... 


Accept this. Understand that things will not run smoothly (most of the time). Accepting that your toddler is just ‘being a toddler’. Because a child is prone to make mistakes does not mean that you condone undesirable behaviour. But, acceptance makes it possible to guide and discipline a child with love instead of with anger.


5. Set firm boundaries... Exactly what these boundaries are is up to you. Some of the rules in your home may seem trivial to others – but if they keep you sane and grounded, go ahead and do what you need to do in order to keep yourself and your emotions on an even keel. A tired, frustrated, ‘empty’ parent is no good for a growing child.


6. Nurture yourself as a caregiver and parent... In order to give abundantly of yourself to your children, you must have a resource from which to draw. You cannot draw from an empty tank. If this means taking 30 minutes a day to help you re-charge, or a whole afternoon once a week, then so be it.

The bottom line is that frustration is a natural and normal part of life – not only for adults, but for children too. The key is to adjust expectations without condoning undesirable behaviour. Then you will be able to make choices and interact with your child from a place of confidence. Put boundaries into place in order to protect yourself from burn-out and your child from guilt. To parent in a way that makes you unhappy will also make your child unhappy – without a doubt.

When you learn to balance the self-sacrifice that naturally goes along with being a loving parent, with making parenting choices that make you happy, you are well on your way to becoming a more emotionally grounded parent. And this will give your child a better shot at being happy too. Let’s put first things first.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

How to fill your child's 'love tank'



Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

 As parents, we do our very best for our children, actively giving them everything we believe they need... and more. So, the idea that their ‘love tanks’ may sometimes be running low is not only hard to believe, but it flies in the face of the love we express for them daily through our words and actions.

The 5 Love Languages

In a book written by Gary Chapman, called The 5 Love Languages (Moody Press, 1997), the author describes how there are five main ways of expressing and experiencing love (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch).

Each of us (including our children) prefers to express and receive love in one or maybe two of these ways. If we can find a way to ‘talk’ the right love language, well then our needs and the needs of those we love are easier to fulfil.

This book is very true, and a later companion book called The 5 Love Languages of Children (Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell M.D.), notes that a child's preferred 'love language' only becomes noticeable from around age five. 


What about babies and toddlers?

Interestingly, when a baby is born, the one area of the brain that is most developed and able to process information is the area regulating touch. And, because little babies and toddlers live on a very physical level, for the most part they experience life and understand the world through their bodies.

Babies and toddlers also naturally don't yet understand abstract concepts like giving and receiving gifts; the underlying value of spending time together; the meaning of words; and the intentions behind acts of service. So it makes sense that young children across the board initially prefer the language of physical touch when it comes to expressing and experiencing love and affection.

What is an 'empty love tank'?

Simply put, a person suffers from an empty love tank when he doesn't feel loved and secure in the relationship he has with the important people in his life.

How do I know when my child's love tank is running low?

1. Your little one becomes very clingy.

2. Your little one becomes more demanding than usual, especially when you’re in the middle of something, like a phone call, shopping, or cooking dinner...

3. Your little one cannot deal with simple frustrations (like someone taking their toy) and have a meltdown as if their emotional foundation has been rocked when they don't get their way.

4. Your little one is finding it exceptionally difficult to deal with a ‘big change’, such as a new school, teacher, sibling, moving house, a divorce or any other major life changes.


This is the season of empty tanks!

At this time of year, the Practica Program Advisory Service commonly receives many calls from Practica Parents needing advice on two areas – a need for discipline-related information, and issues related to new day care arrangements (new crèche, new teacher, new nanny etc).

In both instances, there are many underlying causes for the problem, but an empty love tank is often one. Typically, a shift from the fun and closeness of the holidays back to the business of everyday life can make your child feel emotionally insecure. And parents often don't communicate their love for their children in a 'language' that their children can understand - the result being that their children don’t have the emotional reserve to deal with small frustrations, which leads to discipline problems, or big changes, which leads to clinginess.

The value of Touch Therapy

The good news is that you can help to solve two incredibly taxing parenting challenges with one simple remedy: fill your child’s love tank. And how is this done? Well, while filling somebody's love tank may involve different things for different people, Touch Therapy is by far the most effective way to communicate love and security to young children.

When using Touch Therapy, you are literally communicating to your child that he is deeply loved... When done correctly, this basic touch-technique tells your child what countless of words and actions can not...

Because Touch Therapy helps to fill your child's love tank, the end result is usually a child who is more emotionally grounded, secure and resilient. So it is also a great method to use when starting sleep training; when a new sibling arrives; when your child is struggling with frustration; when your child is being verbally or physically aggressive; and when your child is sick.

Commonly, parents find they interpret their child’s negative behaviour with more insight and empathy once they are aware of the concept of an empty love tank. However, beware of responding by doing Touch Therapy within a few minutes after an ‘incident’, in an effort to soothe your child, because you may inadvertently be rewarding the negative behaviour. In fact, Touch Therapy works best as part of a routine, for instance, every morning and every night at roughly the same point in your waking-up or bedtime sequence of events.

Touch Therapy – Step by Step

You can do Touch Therapy when your child is lying down, or even sitting on your lap. Using gentle but firm and rhythmical pressure, hold-and-squeeze your child’s arms, starting at the shoulders. Slowly and repeatedly hold-and-squeeze all the way down his arms until you reach his wrists. At this point, press your child’s hands together and squeeze them gently but firmly. Now, do the same with your child’s legs, starting at his hips and working towards his ankles, ending off by gently but firmly squeezing his feet together. You can repeat this slow and rhythmical ‘massage’ for at least five minutes, and it makes the whole experience more enjoyable for your little one if you sing and recite rhymes to the rhythm of the movements of your hands. Try to make as much eye contact with your child as is comfortable for the both of you, and remember this is a special time, so the atmosphere should ideally be calm, relaxing and free from distractions for these few minutes.

As your child’s personality unfolds and develops between the ages of five and eight, he will find himself drawn more towards one of the five love languages as described by Gary Chapman. But it is good to know that for the rest of his life, touch will remain a calming and reassuring experience. And this is true not only for your children, but for you as an adult as well. There is nothing more effective than a good firm hug every now and again to make us feel as if our very existence is solid and worthwhile.

If you’d like to read more about why touch is so magical, please refer to our previous post called “A Mother’s Touch”.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

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10 Easy-Peasy Everyday Reading Ideas

Image Source: http://www.thedailygreen.com/

Our last post was about the importance of early reading (if you missed it, go here), and today we’re sharing some simple and inspiring tips that can make practicing reading simple, as long as you recognise the opportunities!

1. Set the scene for Dreamland: Help your child to wind down at bedtime by switching on a dim nightlight and lighting a candle. Read the last story for the day in a quiet tone of voice and end it off with a calming hug and a kiss. Whisper 'goodnight' as you let your child blow out the candle as part of the ritual (only once!)

2. Pack a snack and a book: When you're going someplace that you suspect you'll be waiting for a while (like the doctor’s office), don't only pack a snack, include one or two favourite books to read while you wait! This demonstrates to your child that reading is something worth planning for.

3. Read while you shop: The next time you go shopping with your children, don't forget to look out for and read notices, signs and labels to them. When possible, point to whatever you’re reading to focus your child’s attention on the written word. And while you're in the car, why not make it a fun game to read number plates, road signs, street names and other interesting billboards?

4. Add words to real-life pictures. Print out extra copies of your digital pictures; stick pieces of paper on them and write on it, e.g. “Daddy gives Mommy a hug.” “Stephen brushes his teeth. He gets ready for bed.” “Milo is a happy dog. He wags his tail when he sees us.” Put these pictures in an appropriately sized photo-album or laminate them and ask any printing shop in a shopping mall to ring-bind it into a book for you.

5. Far and Away: The next time you take a long business trip, photocopy one or two of your child’s favourite books ahead of time. Read to your child over the speaker phone at bed time, while your spouse helps your little one to turn the pages of the original book at the right times.

From 3 years onwards:

6. Sit back and relax: Record your (or a grandparent’s) voice as you read a story. If needed, use a video recorder and cover the screen so that you record only the sound. Using a teaspoon, ding on a glass to indicate page turns. On nights when you’re too tired to function you can sit with your child and turn the pages together. These recordings of loved ones sharing of themselves can become priceless family heirlooms.

7. Love those Labels: Label common objects in your home by writing words like ‘door’, ‘bed’, ‘chair’, and ‘bath’ etc. on pieces of paper and attaching the labels to the real objects. Hand-write your labels so that you can make sure the letters look similar to how your child’s Grade One teacher will one day teach him to form his letters. Also, leave the capitals and use only small letters.

8. SOUND it - don’t SPELL it: Children love to discover which sounds are represented by various letters, for example ‘s’ represents the s–sound as in ssssnake. However, keep in mind, when your child asks you to sound a word out for him, you’ll be helping him make the link between the letter and the sound better if you simply break the word up into separate sounds. Steer clear of using the names of the letters of the alphabet to spell the word for your child. For example, instead of spelling the word 'b', 'a', 't', 'h', rather say, 'buh-aa-th'.

9. Stick it in your pocket: Create a 'reading pocket' in your jacket where you collect all the interesting things you've read in the day, a cartoon from your daily newspaper, a fortune cookie message, a greeting card etc. When you get home you can share your wonderfully special 'finds' with your little one!

10. Give them a cooking-clue: The next time you bake cookies or cook with your children, let them see how you read the recipe step-by-step. Then line up all the ingredients before you start, and show your child how he can point to the ingredients from left to right, while naming each one out loud, for example flour, eggs, butter, milk, baking powder, and vanilla. This prepares him for reading words from left to right one day!


We hope this post has inspired in you ideas on how to make reading an everyday (simple) opportunity. It can be fun, it can be silly, and most of all it can be a wonderful opportunity to learn and share.

Just a quick note - our next post on Friday will be all about choosing the right gift for the right age this Christmas. So, if you're planning on doing your Christmas shopping this or next weekend, this post will come in really handy!


Words: Loren Stow

Comments or reading tips? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za when we know better... we do better

The 3 Secrets of Early Reading

Image Source: http://www.scusd.edu/

I remember as a little girl that I loved to read - I would even pretend to read my mother stories that I had learned to memorise. When I learned to write, my love of words was further extended, and I would re-write by hand poems and songs that I loved to listen to.

However, as we get older, we are bombarded wherever we go by the written word whether it be through advertising, logos, memos, emails, sms's, or monthly post... The 'magic' of reading is lost and we can begin to think that reading is just one of many ways to interact with our children.

The benefits of reading are obvious for most parents - increased language, better grades at school, exercising memory and understanding skills etc. - the list goes on and on. However, there are certain benefits of reading that are unique to sitting down and opening a book... irreplaceable with any other experience...

We know that most parents understand the more obvious benefits of reading, so today we want to look at three priceless benefits that you wouldn't necessarily think about when choosing to sit down with your child and a book and open that first page....

It's about Love

Reading to a child communicates love and acceptance to a child primarily in two ways - firstly, through physical touch, and secondly through sharing an experience that fosters emotional closeness.

We've written before on the blog about just how important Love is to learning - it is the 'thing' that makes all learning stick.  And the beauty of reading with your child is that it is about more than just pictures and words on a page - it is about Love.

Imagine a scene where a dad is reading to his son. The son is sitting on his father's lap, enveloped in his arms, and both of them are fixated on the book in front of them. Dad is reading each word with emphasis, his tone and inflection changing, and his facial expressions mimicking what he's reading. He suddenly roars (like a lion...) and his son laughs and curls even closer to his dad... Can you see it? Can you see what we're trying to describe?

As parents, we can sometimes see reading a chore... But for a child, reading is about Love.  It is a time when his mom or dad physically and emotionally 'comes down' to his level and there is a closeness. He comes to anticipate the funny monkey sounds or the knock-knock-knocking that are coming on the next page... his excitement and joy are barely contained...

Reading fosters Love - it is about sharing, one-on-one with your child. It is about opening up a world of fairy tales, or dinosaurs, or farm animals or whatever it is... It is about taking your child's hand and guiding them through a door into a world where they will be given anything their heart desires...

Teaching your child to associate love and closeness with reading is possibly the best foundation you could ever lay for your child in terms of academics, social skills, and increasing language and therefore intellectual development. This is because the pleasant memories create in a child a hunger for more... But more than that, reading gives you an opportunity to be close, to share a moment, to laugh together and Love together.

Its about finding a familiar place in the world

As parents, we assume that children get bored of reading the same book over and over again, but contrary to this popular belief, children actually thrive on this predictability. To a child, being able to predict what is going to happen on the next page is equal to being able to predict his world and understand his place in it, making him feel safe and secure. Predictability is one of the most fundamental emotional and intellectual needs of a child, and reading is the easiest way for a parent to almost exactly recreate an entire 20 minute experience over and over again, day after day.

Repetition is of course also a strong foundation of learning - because children learn through seeing, hearing and experiencing the same thing over and over again.

It's about doing what works

Another common misconception is that books are often seen as 'old fashioned' and parents are tempted to replace them with seemingly more modern stimulation, such as television, dvd's, video games, computers, and battery-operated toys with moving parts and flashing lights...

The difference between these 'new and improved' types of stimulation and reading, is that reading (and story-telling) will always be the number one activity that requires of a child to actively use his brain to make it fun. In order for reading to 'make sense' and be enjoyable, your child needs to use various parts of his brain to process the activity. As opposed to other more 'modern' stimulation, where a lot less is asked of his brain...

Finally it is important to understand that reading is a really high-functioning skill and nothing else, definitely not television, not educational games, not flash cards, not even something as precious as talking to your child or singing songs till the cows come home... nothing stimulates phonetic and phonological awareness (which is absolutely crucial for reading readiness) quite as much as reading age-appropriate children's books with loads of rhyme and repetition, over and over again. Therefore, reading to a child not only fosters a love for reading, it actually wires a child's brain to be able to learn to read later on...

With this said, we hope that the next time you buy your child a book, or the next time you reorganise their book-shelf, you stop for a second and see a book for what it is... It is not only the best foundation for future reading abilities with all the good things that go along with that, but it is also a magical key to demonstrating your love for your child, and creating a safe and predictable place for him in our fast-paced world that can at times be so scary for little souls...

A book really is more than just the sum total of it's pages and colourful pictures - it is a gift; for you, for your child, for the future.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogam.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Healthy Praise - 3 Practical Tips



Image: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/


In our last post, we discussed how not all praise is equal. In fact, if praise were like food, some praise is like the finest organic fruit and vegetables, while other praise is like junk food which is plain unhealthy and even harmful (if you missed the post, go here).

However, there is so much research out there on the effects of praise, that we took the opportunity to sift through much of it for you and bring you the three most important things to remember when praising your children.

We believe that knowledge is all fine and well, but we need to find a way to apply it to our lives in a practical way, otherwise it can just become another 'burden' that weighs us, as parents, down.

We really hope these tips, which are based on real studies, will help you to see how to use praise in the way that we know it is intended - as a tool to nurture and grow our children's abilities and talents.

Praising Tip #1

DO praise your children for things that are within their power to change.

Praise your child for good manners, working hard, persevering at a task, for thinking of clever ways to solve a problem, for being a team player, for treating others with respect, following instructions, doing more than what was expected and other good choices that your child makes. By praising your child for things that are within his power to change, you are communicating to him that he has the power to make the right choices and that his efforts are recognised.

DO NOT praise your child by telling him how smart or talented he is.

It is not healthy to respond to your child's successes by saying, "Look how SMART you are!"

Children easily get the idea that adults observe them from a distance, rating how they fare at certain tasks, with the goal of stereotyping into little boxes marked with signs like 'genius', 'above-average', 'average' and 'stupid', and it scares them. What if they are confronted with something they can't do? Will adults see their failure as a sign that they are not as smart as they once thought? Will a mistake lead to a loss of love or respect?

These children don't want to risk loosing their little 'gifted' tags that have been hung around their necks and as a result they avoid challenges (Mueller and Dweck 1998).

Praising Tip #2

DO be sincere and specific

Wait for a real opportunity to praise your child. Then be specific and give information about what impressed you, for example "This picture is my favourite. I like how you took your time and used many different colours."

Keep in mind that, by giving information about what you appreciate, you are conveying a standard that is shaping how your child will act in future. So be careful to set reasonable standards and not unintentionally inhibit your child with your comments. If you would, for instance, always say that you like  a picture because he used blue and green, then he may never use orange and red again!

DO NOT praise in a way that is overenthusiastic or undeserved

Very young children will likely take a parent's praise at face value, but older children are a different story. As children mature, from about the age of 3-4, they become aware a parent's possible motives for praising them, and they respond negatively to insincere praise.

When you praise a child in a situation where they feel that they didn't really deserve the recognition, they may feel that you think they are in need of encouragement and that you are praising them because you feel sorry for them (Meyer 1992).

A child may also feel as though you are trying to be manipulative, or that you don't really understand them (Henderlong and Lepper 2002).

Praising Tip #3

DO focus on your child as an individual

Be truly interested and involved in a child's personal interests, growth and successes, regardless of what other children are like, do or achieve. Praise a child when he does something right or masters something, and not for outperforming other children.

DO NOT use praise that compares your child to others

Children who are praised for outperforming others initially respond well by trying hard to make their parents proud. However, they become so focused on winning that they don't learn to enjoy the activity itself, and when they no longer win, they loose interest.

Many of these children also react by avoiding challenges, because they have a real fear of not being the best. This kind of praise doesn't prepare them for coping with failure and it doesn't teach them making mistakes is an important and valuable part of learning (Elliot and Dweck 1988).

References:
Mueller CM and Dweck CS. 1998. Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Journal for Personality and Social Psychology 75(1): 33-52

Meyer W.-U. 1992. Paradoxical effects of praise and criticism on perceived ability. In: W. Strobe and M. Hewstone (eds): European review of social psychology, volume 3. Chichester, England: Wiley.

Henderlong J and Lepper MR. 2002. The effects of praise on children’s intrinsic motivation: A review and synthesis. Psychological Bulletin 128(5): 774-795.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

When Praise is Harmful



Image: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

 As a parent, I want to raise my children in a way that celebrates who they are and what they achieve. I want them to know that they have a special place in the world and that the world is truly a better place because they are in it.

I feel this way so strongly that sometimes when I think of how much I love my children, and how much I want them to understand that they are special - my heart actually constricts for a moment... fluttering in anticipation for their future.

I don't think I am alone on this one - I think that most parents feel this way about their children. One way in which we try to give our children this positive message is through praise. Contrary to three or four generations ago, when children 'were seen and not heard', in today's world, we praise our children as diligently as we feed and bath them - it is a 'staple food' in our daily emotional diet.

However, just like not all foods are healthy, not all kinds of praise are healthy either. Certain kinds of praise are like junk food, filled with empty calories, while other kinds of praise are like smorgasbords of finest organic fruits and vegetables, packed with healthy nutrients.

What is “junk food praise” and why is it unhealthy?

One example of junk food praise is when our praise labels our children. Remember that any label (positive or negative) can be damaging, because it shapes how a child views himself and the world. “But...” I hear you say... “isn't a 'positive label' good for self-concept?” No. Not always.

For example, if your child completes a puzzle and you say proudly, "oh you're so clever!" you are effectively labelling your child as clever. What happens then is interesting, because instead of having a positive effect, your child actually starts to become fearful of living up to this expectation of 'cleverness'.

They become afraid of trying something that they just might not succeed in, lest they be 'caught out' and no longer be considered as clever. Because, you see, after hearing it enough times they start to equate their 'cleverness' with your love - in other words, mommy and daddy love them because they're clever.

What is “organic praise” and why is it healthy?

Using the same example, a healthy response to a finished puzzle could be, "Well done for completing the puzzle! I have noticed that you started with the corners today. That worked well. Good plan" or “I saw you enjoyed that puzzle and worked hard at it. Way to go!”

By giving this kind of practical feedback, you are effectively telling your child that his efforts and choices are noticed and valuable. He is a capable human being who can achieve things when he applies himself. Working hard can be fun and, at times, having a good time is a good reason in itself to do things!

When you give practical feedback, your child needn't be afraid of living up to any passive 'label' bestowed on him by forces outside his sphere of influence. The focus is on what he does and chooses – two things that he can control. As a result, he will be more willing to try new and more difficult things. He is given the message that 'we enjoy watching you develop and make choices’ instead of ‘how lucky we are that you are so smart.’

This gives your child the security of knowing that your love and approval are not dependent on his success. Because let’s face it, all people and our children included, will face their fair share of failures.

After all, being successful has nothing to do with avoiding failure with a big old ‘clever-label’ around your neck. On the contrary, it’s about learning the lessons that you need to learn from your own fair share of ups and downs - so that you can get to a place where you are truly leading a life that you love.

A fascinating bit of research:

In her article entitled The Perils and Promises of Praise, American psychologist Dr Carol Dweck, who has studied student motivation for 35 years, explains that the way in which children view their own intelligence is closely linked to how they are praised (Dweck 1999, 2006).

In one of her studies, a group of 5th grade children were all given a task to complete, and then one group of them was praised for their intelligence only ("You must be smart at these problems"), while the second group was praised for their effort ("You must have worked hard at these problems").

The researchers then asked a question that each child had to agree or disagree with - "Your intelligence is something basic about you that you cannot really change.” Children praised for their intelligence agreed more with this statement than children who were praised for their efforts!

The children were also asked to define intelligence, and once again, the children praised for intelligence made more reference to it being a fixed and innate capacity, while children praised for their effort made references to effort and learning.

The children were then given the option of working on a task that was challenging or a task that guaranteed an error-free performance. Most of the children praised for intelligence opted for the easy task, while most children praised for effort opted for the challenging task.

Next, the children were given a challenging task to complete, on a whole the children who were praised for their intelligence lost their confidence as soon as it became difficult, because they equated success with 'cleverness' and if they were struggling, then it meant that they were not clever... The other group who were praised for their effort on the whole remained confident and eager.

Finally, when the children were asked to hand in their scores (anonymously), almost 40% of the intelligence-praised children lied, because their feelings of self-worth were so wrapped up in their performance that they couldn't admit to mistakes. Only 10% of the effort-praised children falsified their results. (I have to admit that I’m a bit taken aback by the fact that so many of them actually lied!)

"Praising children for their intelligence, then, hands them not motivation and resilience but a fixed mind-set with all its vulnerability. In contrast, effort or 'process' praise (praise for engagement, perseverance, strategies, improvement, and the like) fosters hardy motivation. It tells children what they've done to be successful and what they need to do to be successful again in the future," says Dr Dweck.

What to make of this?

We believe we are all praising our children from our hearts and with the best intentions. But, as always, parents who know better do better. That is why we have written about this, because many parents would never guess that something as well-intentioned as telling their child that he is clever can have such a far reaching impact.

In our next post, we will give you 3 practical tips on how to avoid the wrong the kinds of praise by replacing them with the right kinds of praise. Until then, let’s just play it safe and follow the advice of Kenneth Blanchard, author of the The One Minute Manager: catch them doing things right. When your children do things that legitimately warrant praise from you, give practical feedback on what they have done right and the good choices that they have made.

And don’t forget to tell them that you’re so thankful that they were born. I can’t imagine that that could ever back-fire?

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better
Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za


*Practica Parents: All the activities in the Practica Program obviously give Practica kids more opportunities than most children to do things that call for praise from parents. I can imagine that it’s going to take some practice to think of things to say that are practical and relevant – it just used to be so much easier to sincerely respond with “you’re so smart” to everything! But it cannot be too difficult. If our kids can learn new things – so can we!

Making the Most of Television

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Newsflash: If you are interested in the response to the last article, as well as questions from parents and corresponding answers from Lizette, please visit our 'parents say...' page.

In our last post we told the truth about the effect that television has on your young child (under 3 years) - if you missed it, go here. In this post, we want to equip parents with the tools they need to make the most of television when it comes to their older toddlers and children. We hope that it makes a difference in your life!

Switch if off when you're not actively watching
Parents often report that their children don't seem to be interested in television and they want to know if it's ok to have it on in the background while they go about their day?

Studies have confirmed that a television on the background is actually detrimental to one-on-one interaction between parent and child. These studies have found that parents say an average of 941 words when the television is off, but this drops to only 171 words when the television is on in the background (and not even being actively watched!). We did a post about this very subject, if you want to read it go here.

Obviously this does not bode well for language development and the precious 'sharing-time' that you have with your child. We cannot stress enough the impact that one-on-one time with your child has on language and intellectual development. This will become a dedicated post in and of itself in the near future. So when you're not actively watching a program, keep the television switched off.

Limit Viewing Time
Young children learn language (which is closely linked to intellectual development) through one-on-one conversations.  According to the Kaiser Family Foundation in the US, the average American family spends four hours watching television a day, but only 38.5 minutes engaged in meaningful conversation with their children.

The Daily Mail in the UK reported that by the age of five, when children there enter formal education systems, only about half of the children are able to speak properly. The other half struggle to string a sentence together and understand simple instructions. Experts point to modern-day parents no longer having conversations with their children, televisions being used as 'babysitters', and dinner-time being held in front of the television, as reasons for this lack of language acquisition (for a link to this article visit http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-541012/Half-year-olds-speak-properly-start-primary-school.html)

Television is Only for Older Children
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no television before the age of two and that children over the age of two be limited to one or two hours of screen time per day.

The rule of thumb is that your child needs to have and understand language first, before they are able to gain anything out of television. If your child is not actively talking, then television is not for them yet.

Repetition Leads to Recognition
Young children naturally do not know enough about the world, people or the meaning of words to gain anything from watching a program once. Instead, they need to see the same program (or DVD) over and over again in order to learn something from it. So treat television as you would a book that you read over and over again.

See the Television as a Book
Watching television with a young child in a way that facilitates learning is not going to be without effort. For a young child to benefit from watching television, the experience has to closely resemble reading a book.

Because of the way in which young children learn and process information, you need to talk to your child and deliberately help him to focus his attention. Otherwise, he'll spend large portions of the time staring mindlessly at the screen. You can, for example, pause a show at certain points and alert your child to watch for certain details such as actions, sound effects and visual images.

Keep an eye on your child's reactions and encourage him to talk about what is happening on the screen, to intentionally involve the language regions of his brain in the process.

You can also copy what the characters are doing and encourage him to do the same, for example, "Can you show me how scared the piggy was?", or "Let me hear how the wolf huffed and puffed!".

In the same way as reading a book, the aim is to enjoy language and discover new ideas as you enter into an imaginary world. You want to deepen your relationship with your child and build his brain by involving various regions of the brain in order to make sense of what he hears and sees.

Give Background Information
One of the best ways to nurture memory and language skills is when a parent and child talk about (or quote from) favourite books. Do the same thing by talking about a television show before and after viewing it. As you talk about main events and characters, you are guiding your child to view the experience from a whole new perspective - as if he is on the outside, looking in.

This is the start of developing an important skill called 'meta-cognition', which refers to the ability that all successful students have to 'think about how they think'.

Move and Learn
Hit the pause button and ask your child to physically stand up and go and point something out on the screen, like a bird or apple etc. Also, clap hands, sing and dance together to the music and songs on your shows.

Bring it Home
Little ones learn by using their bodies. Your child will learn more about the meaning of 'big' and 'small' if he actually touches and holds something that is big and then something that is small. Seeing it on the screen will not help unless you demonstrate new concepts in real life.
For example, if you watch a show and learn about the concept of a 'triangle', you can then teach your child how to make a triangle with his fingers or using matchsticks on the floor.

Find Out More
When your child shows an interest in something that he sees on television, whether it be a certain animal, cowboys, a food or activity, invite him to join you as you google the subject on the Internet or visit your local library and take out a book on the subject.

Read some of the newly found facts out loud and print out some pictures or get some posters to stick on his wall or in his scrapbook. This is a great way to instill a love of learning in your child and to teach him that learning is even more fun when he actively pursues it.

Eat Elsewhere
Eating in front of the television is the biggest conversation killer, and it's also been found that it increases obesity because it's easier to overeat when you're enthralled by a program on television.

Parents often also find that it is easier to feed their children while they're in front of a television, and that they'd often gulp down food they wouldn't ordinarily eat.

However, nutritionists warn that this is not a good way to get food into picky eaters, because they're not learning to accept new foods at all - they're simply mesmerised and don't notice what they're eating. Sneaking in a few mouthfuls of a new food while your baby watches television is not developing a healthy relationship with food.

There is no doubt that television can be used as a learning tool, but only if it's done correctly and with effort on the part of the parent. Again, nothing can take the place of one-on-one interaction, especially when it comes to your child's language and intellectual abilities.

By applying these tips, something that would otherwise dampen one-on-one time and rob your child's brain from growth opportunities, now becomes a tool for sharing, learning and making wonderful memories!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: Many of the activities in the Parents Guide that are aimed at language and intellectual development using books and everyday situations, can be adapted easily to suit Constructive Television Time. Reading through the list of activities for your child's age-group will give you fresh and exciting ideas.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Television - The Great Thief

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I have been rather afraid of writing this post, because it is without a doubt going to be rather difficult for many parents to swallow. The important thing, however, is to tell the truth (no matter how ugly), because our philosophy at Practically Speaking is that "when we know better, we do better". So, stick with the post, to the very end, because this is an important truth.

We're talking about television - the advent of which has changed the world (and our families) as we know it. Almost every family has one at the center of their living room, throwing out colourful images and noise, day in and day out. I don't think there are many people in the modern world who do not have television-time as part of their everyday lives.

Television entertains, informs, shares and broadens our horizons - it certainly plays a critical role... for adults. It also mesmerises our children, and I am not above admitting that it's my "babysitter" when I need to get dinner ready in the evenings. I had even bought a whole stash of 'baby-appropriate' dvds that suggest my baby will become a 'genius' or 'einstein' through watching them.

Never before in parenting history has there been entire product ranges (and channels) available to make television-watching more 'appropriate' for children, as young as three months old. Surely, if I am letting my baby watch a dvd that was specifically designed for him, it's ok? Surely, television is as beneficial for our children as it is for us?

The simple and honest answer is "No". Television is not good for babies or young children at all. It doesn't matter what's on, even if it's a special dvd you spent your hard-earned money on. A whole series of scientific research projects confirms this for us. Sorry folks, that's the ugly truth.

What do the scientists say?

The University of Washington studied more than 1000 families and reported that for every hour that infants of 8 - 16 months watched dvds such as "Baby Einstein" and "Brainy Baby", they understood 6-8 fewer words than other babies who were not exposed to such dvds (Associations between Media Viewing and Language Development in Children under Age 2 years - The Journal of Pediatrics, V151, Issue 4, Pgs 364-368). Interestingly, Disney, who own Baby Einstein, is now offering refunds to disgruntled US parents.

A study from Seattle examined more than 2500 children younger than 36 months, and found that for every hour of television watched daily, the risk of attention problems at age seven increased nearly 10 percent. They were more likely to be confused, impulsive, restless or obsessive about things in their lives - the problems were similar to symptoms of ADHD. (Attention-Deficit Risk Linked to Young Kids' TV Time, Seattle Times, 5 April 2004)

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV before the age of two years and that children over two years be limited to one to two hours per day of educational material on TV. (Eh-Oh! Pediatricians Ban TV for Toddlers, David Burke www.whitedot.org)

In August 2009, France's broadcasting authority banned the airing of TV shows aimed at children under three, after French psychologists found that: "Television viewing hurts the development of children under three years old and poses a certain number of risks, encouraging passivity, slow language acquisition, over-excitedness, troubles with sleep and concentration, as well as dependence on screens."  (France Pulls Plug on TV Shows Aimed at Babies, CBC News, Wed Aug 20 2008)

Why does television have such a negative effect on children during the early years?

As adults, we can watch something on television and give it meaning - this is primarily because our brains are already wired. We have real life experiences behind us, we understand language and we have a frame of reference to draw from.

Young children, however, are especially vulnerable to the negative effects of television because a young child's brain is being wired at a rate of half a million brain cell connections per second...(The Baby Brain-Drain, The Times, 1 Nov 2007, Dr Miriam Stoppard). The experiences that your child is having is literally shaping his brain, and the more often he uses certain pathways, the more 'hardwired' those neural pathways become.

Young children simply stare at the rapidly changing scenes and take in the noises without any understanding whatsoever. We know this for a fact because scientists using Positron Imaging Technology can see inside a young child's brain when they're watching television. They have discovered that only the visual and listening areas of the child's brain is stimulated, while the areas of the brain used for communicating, learning, thinking, memorising, expressing personality and fine tuning social behaviour remain inactive and completely un-stimulated during television-time.

In stark contrast, when a parent reads to a child and plays various games with him, his brain lights up like a Christmas tree as links are rapidly formed between all the regions of the brain. For example, when you show your child a picture of a dog and explain how the dog jumps and barks, he has to use various parts of his brain to form a mental picture of this through his imagination - when he watches television, the work of understanding and imagining is literally stolen away from his young developing brain, and along with that, the brain development that could've taken place is also snatched away. This arguably makes television one of the greatest and most silent thieves in the modern child's world.

Reading and interacting with your child gives him language (scientific research proves that spoken language on TV is just 'white noise' for your child, without any meaning). In addition, when you're interacting with your child you can read his emotions and respond appropriately, giving a little more attention to an area he doesn't quite understand or laughing at the parts that he finds amusing (television cannot do this).

As adults, we often use television as a relaxation tool, 'spacing out' in front of our television sets after a stressful or busy day, and many adults find that it helps them to fall asleep. For young children, the rapidly changing scenes and noise is so mesmerising, it can actually be equated to 'baby crack cocaine'.

Watching television literally rewires a child's brain during the early years - the result is a child whose brain is so used to side-stepping the language and thinking areas that it becomes the default setting of that child's brain to react to information without understanding - not only when they're watching television, but in the real world as well.

The result is child who literally looks without 'seeing' and hears without 'listening'.

OK - so what if your child has already been exposed to large amounts of television?

As quoted by a writer for The Times, Dr Martin Ward-Platt believes, "of course, the thing that really makes a difference for a baby is interaction with a caregiver and there is nothing we can invent as a people substitute. But if a child watches some TV and is exposed to people for the rest of the time, they will do fine. What we don't know is where the limit is, where you start to hold children back."

In real life, if you have a strong immune system, your body can fight off small viral attacks, and if you exercise everyday you can indulge in that piece of chocolate cake without fear of putting on too much weight. Similarly, if your baby receives large amounts of loving one-on-one interaction and stimulation from the important people in her life, her brain will be more densely wired and therefore will be more resilient to the impact of short periods of television watching.

As a parent I didn't understand the effects of television on my young baby, and knowing what I know now, I will make wiser choices. If you enjoy some 'me-time' or a cup of coffee while your young child is watching television in the morning or evening, it is not the end of the world. As long as you don't for one second believe it is actually good for them in any way. Keep in mind that you need to ensure a healthy balance by giving your young child as much individual attention as possible, whenever you can. We literally have to counter-act the negative effects of television-viewing with the positive effects of large amounts of one-on-one interaction.

In our next post, we will give you tips on how to make wise television choices for your toddler (three years and older), so stay tuned!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments or Questions? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: It is quite interesting to discover that your child has different regions in the brain which control various skills and the more we exercise these skills, the more we are building highways between the various regions of brain - assisting them to 'talk' to each more effectively. You'll note that in the 2-6 year section of the Practica Parents Guide, each activity is followed by a list of the various areas in the brain that are involved - because effective 'communication' between these areas is key to overall brain coherence.

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