Making the Most of Television

Image Source: http://www.squidoo.com/



Newsflash: If you are interested in the response to the last article, as well as questions from parents and corresponding answers from Lizette, please visit our 'parents say...' page.

In our last post we told the truth about the effect that television has on your young child (under 3 years) - if you missed it, go here. In this post, we want to equip parents with the tools they need to make the most of television when it comes to their older toddlers and children. We hope that it makes a difference in your life!

Switch if off when you're not actively watching
Parents often report that their children don't seem to be interested in television and they want to know if it's ok to have it on in the background while they go about their day?

Studies have confirmed that a television on the background is actually detrimental to one-on-one interaction between parent and child. These studies have found that parents say an average of 941 words when the television is off, but this drops to only 171 words when the television is on in the background (and not even being actively watched!). We did a post about this very subject, if you want to read it go here.

Obviously this does not bode well for language development and the precious 'sharing-time' that you have with your child. We cannot stress enough the impact that one-on-one time with your child has on language and intellectual development. This will become a dedicated post in and of itself in the near future. So when you're not actively watching a program, keep the television switched off.

Limit Viewing Time
Young children learn language (which is closely linked to intellectual development) through one-on-one conversations.  According to the Kaiser Family Foundation in the US, the average American family spends four hours watching television a day, but only 38.5 minutes engaged in meaningful conversation with their children.

The Daily Mail in the UK reported that by the age of five, when children there enter formal education systems, only about half of the children are able to speak properly. The other half struggle to string a sentence together and understand simple instructions. Experts point to modern-day parents no longer having conversations with their children, televisions being used as 'babysitters', and dinner-time being held in front of the television, as reasons for this lack of language acquisition (for a link to this article visit http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-541012/Half-year-olds-speak-properly-start-primary-school.html)

Television is Only for Older Children
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no television before the age of two and that children over the age of two be limited to one or two hours of screen time per day.

The rule of thumb is that your child needs to have and understand language first, before they are able to gain anything out of television. If your child is not actively talking, then television is not for them yet.

Repetition Leads to Recognition
Young children naturally do not know enough about the world, people or the meaning of words to gain anything from watching a program once. Instead, they need to see the same program (or DVD) over and over again in order to learn something from it. So treat television as you would a book that you read over and over again.

See the Television as a Book
Watching television with a young child in a way that facilitates learning is not going to be without effort. For a young child to benefit from watching television, the experience has to closely resemble reading a book.

Because of the way in which young children learn and process information, you need to talk to your child and deliberately help him to focus his attention. Otherwise, he'll spend large portions of the time staring mindlessly at the screen. You can, for example, pause a show at certain points and alert your child to watch for certain details such as actions, sound effects and visual images.

Keep an eye on your child's reactions and encourage him to talk about what is happening on the screen, to intentionally involve the language regions of his brain in the process.

You can also copy what the characters are doing and encourage him to do the same, for example, "Can you show me how scared the piggy was?", or "Let me hear how the wolf huffed and puffed!".

In the same way as reading a book, the aim is to enjoy language and discover new ideas as you enter into an imaginary world. You want to deepen your relationship with your child and build his brain by involving various regions of the brain in order to make sense of what he hears and sees.

Give Background Information
One of the best ways to nurture memory and language skills is when a parent and child talk about (or quote from) favourite books. Do the same thing by talking about a television show before and after viewing it. As you talk about main events and characters, you are guiding your child to view the experience from a whole new perspective - as if he is on the outside, looking in.

This is the start of developing an important skill called 'meta-cognition', which refers to the ability that all successful students have to 'think about how they think'.

Move and Learn
Hit the pause button and ask your child to physically stand up and go and point something out on the screen, like a bird or apple etc. Also, clap hands, sing and dance together to the music and songs on your shows.

Bring it Home
Little ones learn by using their bodies. Your child will learn more about the meaning of 'big' and 'small' if he actually touches and holds something that is big and then something that is small. Seeing it on the screen will not help unless you demonstrate new concepts in real life.
For example, if you watch a show and learn about the concept of a 'triangle', you can then teach your child how to make a triangle with his fingers or using matchsticks on the floor.

Find Out More
When your child shows an interest in something that he sees on television, whether it be a certain animal, cowboys, a food or activity, invite him to join you as you google the subject on the Internet or visit your local library and take out a book on the subject.

Read some of the newly found facts out loud and print out some pictures or get some posters to stick on his wall or in his scrapbook. This is a great way to instill a love of learning in your child and to teach him that learning is even more fun when he actively pursues it.

Eat Elsewhere
Eating in front of the television is the biggest conversation killer, and it's also been found that it increases obesity because it's easier to overeat when you're enthralled by a program on television.

Parents often also find that it is easier to feed their children while they're in front of a television, and that they'd often gulp down food they wouldn't ordinarily eat.

However, nutritionists warn that this is not a good way to get food into picky eaters, because they're not learning to accept new foods at all - they're simply mesmerised and don't notice what they're eating. Sneaking in a few mouthfuls of a new food while your baby watches television is not developing a healthy relationship with food.

There is no doubt that television can be used as a learning tool, but only if it's done correctly and with effort on the part of the parent. Again, nothing can take the place of one-on-one interaction, especially when it comes to your child's language and intellectual abilities.

By applying these tips, something that would otherwise dampen one-on-one time and rob your child's brain from growth opportunities, now becomes a tool for sharing, learning and making wonderful memories!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: Many of the activities in the Parents Guide that are aimed at language and intellectual development using books and everyday situations, can be adapted easily to suit Constructive Television Time. Reading through the list of activities for your child's age-group will give you fresh and exciting ideas.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Television - The Great Thief

Image source: http://www.mamaroo.com/

I have been rather afraid of writing this post, because it is without a doubt going to be rather difficult for many parents to swallow. The important thing, however, is to tell the truth (no matter how ugly), because our philosophy at Practically Speaking is that "when we know better, we do better". So, stick with the post, to the very end, because this is an important truth.

We're talking about television - the advent of which has changed the world (and our families) as we know it. Almost every family has one at the center of their living room, throwing out colourful images and noise, day in and day out. I don't think there are many people in the modern world who do not have television-time as part of their everyday lives.

Television entertains, informs, shares and broadens our horizons - it certainly plays a critical role... for adults. It also mesmerises our children, and I am not above admitting that it's my "babysitter" when I need to get dinner ready in the evenings. I had even bought a whole stash of 'baby-appropriate' dvds that suggest my baby will become a 'genius' or 'einstein' through watching them.

Never before in parenting history has there been entire product ranges (and channels) available to make television-watching more 'appropriate' for children, as young as three months old. Surely, if I am letting my baby watch a dvd that was specifically designed for him, it's ok? Surely, television is as beneficial for our children as it is for us?

The simple and honest answer is "No". Television is not good for babies or young children at all. It doesn't matter what's on, even if it's a special dvd you spent your hard-earned money on. A whole series of scientific research projects confirms this for us. Sorry folks, that's the ugly truth.

What do the scientists say?

The University of Washington studied more than 1000 families and reported that for every hour that infants of 8 - 16 months watched dvds such as "Baby Einstein" and "Brainy Baby", they understood 6-8 fewer words than other babies who were not exposed to such dvds (Associations between Media Viewing and Language Development in Children under Age 2 years - The Journal of Pediatrics, V151, Issue 4, Pgs 364-368). Interestingly, Disney, who own Baby Einstein, is now offering refunds to disgruntled US parents.

A study from Seattle examined more than 2500 children younger than 36 months, and found that for every hour of television watched daily, the risk of attention problems at age seven increased nearly 10 percent. They were more likely to be confused, impulsive, restless or obsessive about things in their lives - the problems were similar to symptoms of ADHD. (Attention-Deficit Risk Linked to Young Kids' TV Time, Seattle Times, 5 April 2004)

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV before the age of two years and that children over two years be limited to one to two hours per day of educational material on TV. (Eh-Oh! Pediatricians Ban TV for Toddlers, David Burke www.whitedot.org)

In August 2009, France's broadcasting authority banned the airing of TV shows aimed at children under three, after French psychologists found that: "Television viewing hurts the development of children under three years old and poses a certain number of risks, encouraging passivity, slow language acquisition, over-excitedness, troubles with sleep and concentration, as well as dependence on screens."  (France Pulls Plug on TV Shows Aimed at Babies, CBC News, Wed Aug 20 2008)

Why does television have such a negative effect on children during the early years?

As adults, we can watch something on television and give it meaning - this is primarily because our brains are already wired. We have real life experiences behind us, we understand language and we have a frame of reference to draw from.

Young children, however, are especially vulnerable to the negative effects of television because a young child's brain is being wired at a rate of half a million brain cell connections per second...(The Baby Brain-Drain, The Times, 1 Nov 2007, Dr Miriam Stoppard). The experiences that your child is having is literally shaping his brain, and the more often he uses certain pathways, the more 'hardwired' those neural pathways become.

Young children simply stare at the rapidly changing scenes and take in the noises without any understanding whatsoever. We know this for a fact because scientists using Positron Imaging Technology can see inside a young child's brain when they're watching television. They have discovered that only the visual and listening areas of the child's brain is stimulated, while the areas of the brain used for communicating, learning, thinking, memorising, expressing personality and fine tuning social behaviour remain inactive and completely un-stimulated during television-time.

In stark contrast, when a parent reads to a child and plays various games with him, his brain lights up like a Christmas tree as links are rapidly formed between all the regions of the brain. For example, when you show your child a picture of a dog and explain how the dog jumps and barks, he has to use various parts of his brain to form a mental picture of this through his imagination - when he watches television, the work of understanding and imagining is literally stolen away from his young developing brain, and along with that, the brain development that could've taken place is also snatched away. This arguably makes television one of the greatest and most silent thieves in the modern child's world.

Reading and interacting with your child gives him language (scientific research proves that spoken language on TV is just 'white noise' for your child, without any meaning). In addition, when you're interacting with your child you can read his emotions and respond appropriately, giving a little more attention to an area he doesn't quite understand or laughing at the parts that he finds amusing (television cannot do this).

As adults, we often use television as a relaxation tool, 'spacing out' in front of our television sets after a stressful or busy day, and many adults find that it helps them to fall asleep. For young children, the rapidly changing scenes and noise is so mesmerising, it can actually be equated to 'baby crack cocaine'.

Watching television literally rewires a child's brain during the early years - the result is a child whose brain is so used to side-stepping the language and thinking areas that it becomes the default setting of that child's brain to react to information without understanding - not only when they're watching television, but in the real world as well.

The result is child who literally looks without 'seeing' and hears without 'listening'.

OK - so what if your child has already been exposed to large amounts of television?

As quoted by a writer for The Times, Dr Martin Ward-Platt believes, "of course, the thing that really makes a difference for a baby is interaction with a caregiver and there is nothing we can invent as a people substitute. But if a child watches some TV and is exposed to people for the rest of the time, they will do fine. What we don't know is where the limit is, where you start to hold children back."

In real life, if you have a strong immune system, your body can fight off small viral attacks, and if you exercise everyday you can indulge in that piece of chocolate cake without fear of putting on too much weight. Similarly, if your baby receives large amounts of loving one-on-one interaction and stimulation from the important people in her life, her brain will be more densely wired and therefore will be more resilient to the impact of short periods of television watching.

As a parent I didn't understand the effects of television on my young baby, and knowing what I know now, I will make wiser choices. If you enjoy some 'me-time' or a cup of coffee while your young child is watching television in the morning or evening, it is not the end of the world. As long as you don't for one second believe it is actually good for them in any way. Keep in mind that you need to ensure a healthy balance by giving your young child as much individual attention as possible, whenever you can. We literally have to counter-act the negative effects of television-viewing with the positive effects of large amounts of one-on-one interaction.

In our next post, we will give you tips on how to make wise television choices for your toddler (three years and older), so stay tuned!

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments or Questions? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: It is quite interesting to discover that your child has different regions in the brain which control various skills and the more we exercise these skills, the more we are building highways between the various regions of brain - assisting them to 'talk' to each more effectively. You'll note that in the 2-6 year section of the Practica Parents Guide, each activity is followed by a list of the various areas in the brain that are involved - because effective 'communication' between these areas is key to overall brain coherence.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

6 Instant Relationship Boosters

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

In our last post we discussed the importance of consciously developing your child's self-esteem (if you missed it, go here) and in light of the rather 'heavy' responsibility it can be to do this, we wanted to share some quick and easy ideas on how you can instantly make your child feel as though they are the most important person in your world.

1. When your child enters a room, look genuinely happy to see him.
We're repeating this point again (we mentioned in our last post) for very good reason - because it works! Make sure your eyes light up and you give your child a warm and welcoming smile... they will feel as though they really make your day!

In the same vein, when you see your child for the first time after a long separation (after school or a day at work), take five minutes to be with them immediately - Forget about putting the groceries in the fridge or your bag in your room, just drop everything and engage with them for five minutes.

2. Touch your child for an uninterrupted period of five minutes every day.
When she is relaxed, let her lie with her head on your lap. Play with her hair, use your fingers to 'draw pictures' on her back, rub her hands, massage her feet... Use deep pressure touch, squeezing and releasing her arms from her shoulders to her wrists, moving slowly and rhythmically. Do the same with her legs from her hips to her ankles.

Touch is the single most effective way to communicate love to a young child - we call this 'touch therapy' for obvious reasons, and if you missed our post of the benefits of deep pressure touch, go here.

3. Say no negative word about your child to any person when you are within earshot of your child.
Even toddlers, who can not understand every word said, can sense when a parent is talking about them and whether the tone is positive or negative. So, when your friend asks how your son is adapting to your new baby, simply smile and wink at your friend, saying "Oh yes! That! Remind me at some other time to bring up that very interesting topic!" - then change the subject.

4. Often whisper something in your child's ear as if you're sharing a little secret with them.
It doesn't have to be a real secret, but simply whispering to your child makes her feel like the two of you share something important. For example, you could say, "Guess what? When we get home we're going to play in the garden!", or "Guess what? After our game, we're going to go and make something to drink!" Your little one will be thrilled to be 'in' on something exciting...

5. Treat everyone with respect, including your child.
When your child interrupts a conversation, calmly ask the other person to give you a second and go down to your child's level. Firmly but lovingly tell him, "Mommy is phone with daddy (or whoever) right now. I'll hold your hand until I'm ready to let you speak. Then we can talk."

Hold your child's hand while continuing the conversation for about 20 seconds, then excuse yourself for a minute or so to listen to your child before resuming the conversation again.

6. Draw the picture and then colour it in.
In other words, provide structure by sticking to a routine and disciplining your child, but also allow her to inspire you to live in the moment as only a child can (if you missed our post on living in the moment, go here).

It's better to opt for doing less in full colour, than doing more in black and white. If you live your life at a comfortable pace, you will find it easier to say, "I love you THIS much! I am so glad that you were born and that you're part of my life."

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comment? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: The Practica Program offers thousands of age-appropriate activities which practically means that a child who has grown up with this program has had thousands of opportunities to achieve success - what a great way to build self-confidence in a child.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

Creating Happy and Whole Little People

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

As a child, my mother used to explain self-esteem to me as such - we are all like trees. Some of us are Pine Trees; straight, organised and neat. While others are like Thorn Trees; a bit rugged, uneven and disorganised. While both trees are so different, they each have their own unique beauty and attraction. And while they both offer different gifts, one gift is no more important than another.

I think that as adults, parents having been out in 'this world' for long enough to have been bumped and bruised and left with little (or sometimes big) marks on our self-esteem. As adults it's natural to no longer feel we are capable of anything and that the world will rise up to meet us... But we also instinctively know that our children need to start off with a certain level of naivety that will be tempered by experiences in their own time. Our role is to equip them with a dream and life will do the pruning.

In order to discuss the topic of self-esteem, it's important (as always) to start at the beginning...

Babies are born without the knowledge that they exist as separate human beings. They view themselves as being part of their parents - an extension, so to speak. It is only at around nine months that a baby starts to realise that she exists in a body that is separate to those of other people.

You will know that your baby has made this discovery when something interesting happens and he looks at your face to see your reaction. This is called "joint attention".

Developing gradually, from that first moment of joint attention, your child's  ability to form an own opinion blossoms at about 18 months when "No!" becomes a passionate response. By then she has a clear understanding that her will is her own and she doesn't have to eat that butternut if she doesn't want to... This is a major discovery for her, and it's understandable that she is intrigued by this knowledge.

You can see your child's concept of self develop practically by doing the 'mirror test': Put a mark on your child's forehead and stand him in front of the mirror. If he's under 18 months old, he is likely to try to wipe the mark off the mirror, while an older child will realise that he is looking at his reflection and wipe the mark off his own face.



Interestingly, at 2 years old, your child's concept of himself reaches a point where he starts referring to himself as 'I' instead of using his name (as if he was talking in the third-person).

Then, six months later, at about two-and-a-half years old, your child will reach another exciting milestone in this regard when she will now be able to name herself in a photograph.

These are all steps in the process of your child understanding that she is person in her own right. It doesn't happen overnight, rather it is a process over months and years.

Just like a child's concept of her physical body develops over time, so too does her concept of her core emotional self.

In terms of self-esteem, your 18-month-old child will not notice if you tell her that she's a failure, while a two-year-old will most likely become upset and then bounce back rather quickly. However, if you consistently tell your three-year-old that she's bad and wrong, this is sure to scar the concept that she has of her core emotional self. In other words, she will learn to see herself as being a person who is "bad" and "wrong".

According to a book written by Dr John Pearce called Growth and Development, by the age of five, your child has come to understand what he's like as a person. Is he clever or not so clever? Is he good-looking or not so attractive? Is he successful or mostly a failure? Is he likable or disliked? Is he generous or selfish? And the list goes on...

Dr Nathaniel Brandan, a specialist in self-esteem, defines it as, "...the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness."

According to the Child Development Institute, a child or teenager with healthy self-esteem will be able to:

• Act independently
• Assume responsibility
• Take pride in his or her accomplishments
• Tolerate Frustration
• Attempt new tasks and challenges
• Handle positive and negative emotions in himself and others
• Offer assistance to others

Conversely, a child or teenager with unhealthy self-esteem will:

• Avoid trying new things
• Feel unloved and unwanted
• Blame others for his or her shortcomings
• Feel, or pretend to feel, emotionally indifferent
• Be unable to tolerate normal levels of frustration
• Put down his or her own talents and abilities
• Be easily influenced

Maya Angelo (acclaimed American writer and poet) so eloquently explained what she believes a parent's role should be - when your child walks into a room and you look them up and down, noting their mismatched socks, untied shoes, unruly hair and dirty finger nails... they feel judged. What a child wants and deserves more than anything in the world is for your eyes to light up as they enter a room - as though they have just brought the sunlight with them. This is so heart-warming, and it sat on my heart like a butterfly about to take flight, motivating me to find out more about how I could grow my child's self-esteem in a practical way.

The answer, I have found, is about self-denial...

Practically speaking, parenting can be such a stressful job that its very easy to forget the big picture. We sometimes get bogged down by focusing on short-term solutions that do not have long-term benefits. For example, lashing out at a child when he disappoints us, screaming a child when we want to get something done quickly, doing things for our child instead of giving him the time he needs to practice to do things for himself...

These things seem to work in the short-term but building self-confidence is a long-term process that takes short-term sacrifices. The investment we make when we're tired but still make the effort to let our face light up when our child enters the room, biting our tongue when our child is trying to tie his own shoe-laces for the 50th time, answering the same questions over and over again with a happy tone of voice and a smile on our face, and hiding our disappointment when we find out our child has used his brother as a chew-toy once again...

Because our children's actions touch us so deeply, this is probably the highest level of self-sacrifice... But we instinctively deny ourselves for their sake. And our message to you today is 'keep it up - it is worth it!'.

It remains a fact that our children see themselves mirrored in our eyes, and our choices today will directly affect their image of themselves for the rest of their lives. We make certain sacrifices in these formative years so that they can enter the world as happy and whole people.

Words: Loren Stow

when we know better... we do better

Comments? please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: Anything that helps in lessening the responsibility of parenting is a blessing. With the Practica Program at hand, you are able to let go of the worry of doing the right thing at the right time to stimulate your child's development, so that you can devote more energy and time into your relationship. The key however is to read your guide and plan in advance so that you can weave it into your daily life.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

The "Dad-Manual"

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

Dads are so important in their children's lives - from day one (if you missed the post on why dads are so important, go here). However, many dads don't know what is expected of them, or how to be their best. Don't worry! All parents - moms and dads alike - struggle to find their place and feel comfortable. It is process that gets easier over time.

In the meantime, we've sourced some tips from Steve and Shaaron Biddulph's book called "Raising a happy child in the precious years from birth to six":

Make Time
In today's society, this is a big one. Many fathers work long hours in order to provide for their families, but they do need to make the time to be with their children, everyday if possible.
Try to negotiate flexi-time with your employer, or go into work late two mornings a week. Perhaps you can get home early and work later, after the kids are bed?
Whatever your approach, make sure that your time spent with your children is packed with opportunity - so switch off that TV and take it outside - give your children 100% when you are around.

Start Early
Get involved in your baby's care - early bonding between father and baby has a huge impact later down the line. So, change those nappies, give them a bath, get involved in feeding and dressing. Be as involved as possible from the very first days.

Be Warmer
Give lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles. Read to your children, or sing them songs. If you weren't given much affection as a child by your father - now is the time to learn how special this can be.

Lighten Up
See your time with your children as a joy and not a chore or obligation. By spending time with them, you will start to enjoy them and get to know them. Fathers are often serious, carrying heavy burdens of responsibility and these feelings can often carry over into childcare - look forward to your time with your children and enjoy them.
The goal for you would be to see your time with your children as a 'stress-reliever' and not a 'stress-builder', and if it's not like that for you, then see it as a catalyst for you to change whatever you need to in order to make it work for you.

Heavy Down
Some dads fit comfortably into the 'good-time fun person', leaving all the heavy work to the moms. Get involved in chores, homework, discipline, decisions on schooling and the future. Fathers can make a huge difference when it comes to decision making. Be willing to carry the load when it comes to making final decisions in your house. Men are generally less emotionally-charged when it comes to making decisions, and this helps to stabilise the emotional climate in your house. It also gives your child a model on how to deal with uncertainties.

Don't do it alone
Be on the lookout for support from other dads or from family members. If being an involved father makes you feel alienated, try to actively pursue friendships that support the role that you are playing in your children's lives.

Be a proud dad
You are one of a kind - and to your children, you are their only dad. Be proud of the job you're doing and be proud of your children. You are their super-hero.

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

Comments? Please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za
*Practica Parents: Practica Dads report that they prefer doing activities that involve challenges (like those listed under gross and fine motor development). They have explained how writing a list of games on a piece of paper and putting the relevant toys from the box aside, allows them to plan ahead and be prepared to have fun with their children.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

The "Dad-Factor"

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

There is no doubt that moms and dads instinctively do things differently. I know that in my interactions with my children, I tend to choose to sing to them, read to them, hold them gently and generally be soft and loving.

My husband however, naturally creates fun and challenges our children. He throws them up in the air, gets them doing somersaults, jumping off the couch crashing into pillows, giving them 'good' frights... you get the picture. And, when it comes to dad, he gives my children more freedom, lets them try things that make me cringe (like walking freely in a gift shop filled to the rafters with breakables... sitting unaided in the bath... climbing to impossible heights on the jungle-gym... oh my heart!).

Other than giving your children a really fun time, and causing mothers everywhere near heart-attacks, fathers make a crucial contribution to their children's development. This is good news really. We've known for ever that there are certain things that only mothers can do, and it is high time that dads get their slice of 'recognition pie'. 

Sometimes dads today are really stretched, having to provide for their families and being more involved in parenting duties than previous generations, and they sometimes wonder if their contribution is really so important - if it's worth going the extra mile so to speak. We can, without a doubt, say Yes - it is worth it, and here's why:

In an article called "How do fathers fit in?" by CIVITAS (The Institute for the Study of Civil Society in Britain), directed by Dr David Green, we learn that fathers are unique in two very special ways.

Firstly, fathers play differently and that has a massive impact on child development. Secondly, and most interestingly, it is what fathers don't do that makes them so special...

Fathers Play Differently
My husband is not alone. Scientific studies have found that fathers tend to be more boisterous, adventurous and exciting in their play than their mommy-counterparts. Imagine for a second a father playing with his child - throwing, tumbling, wrestling, holding a toy just out of reach, loud bursts of laughter, unpredictability, and high energy. And then, when your child is just about to burst from excitement, father calms them and models self constraint, teaching siblings to take turns...

A father is teaching his child trust when he jumps from the couch into his arms. He is teaching his child problem solving skills, goal orientation and perseverance when he holds the ball just out of reach. He is teaching self-control and social skills when he models how to play 'nicely'. He makes it acceptable to have a competitive and driven spirit, revelling in feelings of accomplishment.

Fathers Act Differently
Fathers are less prone to 'hellicopter parenting' and allow their toddlers to do things that would make most mother's hair grey - like running free in a gift shop, bathing themselves, feeding themselves, and generally exploring their worlds with less restriction than mother's usually impose.... need I say more?
This is teaching a child about self-sufficiency, self-esteem and skill development. In fact, studies have found that developing social skills and self-esteem has less to do with the mother and more with the father's interaction.

Fathers just being fathers seem to naturally nurture and develop their children's sense of industry, competence and responsibility.

To wrap up I quote from an interview on the Evolution of Dad website, with Yale-Based Professor and specialist in child and adolescent psychiatry, Dr Kyle Pruett:

"One of the most important things about dad is that he is not mom... and that the world beyond mom really begins with dad. Children who've had involved fathers often can take a bigger slice of the world and not be scared by it.

I think one of the other barriers to involved fathering is that society perpetuates this equation in stone - that the distant, productive, 'bring home the bacon' father is the only way to really love your children. Children wouldn't buy into that for a minute! They need to know who this guy is, why he's in their life, why he loves them, and what he loves about them.

If you want to reduce gang membership, teen-pregnancy, dropping out of school, abuse and neglect of children, and substance abuse, you can do it by engaging fathers early and often in the lives of their children.

We know this from the science, we know it makes sense. It's not easy, but it absolutely works! It works on these problems like aspirin on a headache. And our failure to connect the dots here with what we know, is a huge unfinished problem. And our children absolutely deserve for us to stop fooling around and fix this."

For the in-depth article from CIVITAS on father's role, visit http://www.civitas.org.uk/hwu/fathers.php 

For more about Inspired Fathering, visit http://www.evolutionofdad.com/

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

comments? please email lizette@practicaprogram.co.za

*Practica Parents: Fathers sometimes find it difficult, after a day at work dealing with adult issues, to enter their child's world. The Practica Program offers age-appropriate games and activities that fathers can do as part of their lifestyle, and by simply following easy instructions they can engage their children and bond on their level.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za 

The Brain-Heart Connection

Photography: Loren Stow
http://www.lorenstow.co.za/

In last week's post we discussed School Readiness (if you missed the post go here), and today we are delving a bit deeper into the practical steps you can take to ensure your child is as school-ready as possible.

Firstly, it is interesting to understand the physical make-up of your child's brain. According to Mike Bruton (whom we quoted last week as well) in his article "Smart Play", written for the Mail and Guardian (2 Aug 2010):

"The brain is a remarkable organ, widely considered to be the most complex system in the universe. It is soft, has no moving parts and is not sensitive to touch. It needs oxygen, glucose and physical exercise to function properly, is flushed by 35 litres of blood every hour, and uses about 20% of our body energy. It contains more than 10-billion neurons, has more than 1 000-billion-billion connections and sends and receives electro chemical messages through a 50 000km-long network of nerves."

This is amazing to think of, that this bundle of nerves, neurons and connections is in the process of being built in our children... And our interactions with them - the quality of experiences we gift them - directly affects the way in which their brains will develop.

As discussed last week, while it is fun to teach your child certain things (types of dinosaurs, makes of cars etc), it is far more productive to develop your child's ability to make sense of the world around them - this will enable them to process information given to them in a learning context such as school. The major difference is that it is relatively quick and easy to teach facts, but it takes time and shared experiences to 'switch on' processing skills.

These processing skills include gross motor, fine motor, sensory, visual, auditory, and language development, as well as thinking, reasoning, emotional and social skills. And while this might sound like quite a list, these areas can be worked mostly through one-on-one interaction and play with your child.

Lizette explains it as such, "Play with your children at home so that they can learn at school."

Everyday activities that stimulate these areas of development are simple and fun!

Reading to your child; music and singing songs; playing construction games; building and taking apart puzzles; physical activities like running, jumping, climbing, swinging, pushing, pulling etc; fantasy play; and creative activities like drawing and painting.

We understand that as parents, sometimes there simply isn't enough 'in the tank' to make the effort. It is easier to switch on Barney and make that cup of coffee that you so deserve. "Anyway... what difference does playing in the sandpit make at the end of the day..." you may ask yourself...

What we want to share is that it is important and it does make a difference. Playing the sand; making silly faces in a song; poking at bubbles in the air; wrestling in the grass; letting your child 'help' you pack away the groceries; making mud cakes and sharing giggles while you stare up at the clouds... this is the stuff that feeds a child's growing brain.

If the saying goes that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then the way to a child's brain is through his heart.

So, we know that you're tired sometimes, and motivation is nowhere to be found. But simply taking that step, sitting down and pulling out the play-dough, will get the ball rolling and you will find it gets easier every day. Soon, it will be your escape from the maddening world - to experience life through your child's eyes.

Offering your children a wealth of experiences, sprinkled continuously and generously with love (to make it all stick), is not a waste of time, in fact it is the essential ingredient for nurturing school-readiness.

Now isn't that great news?

Words: Loren Stow
when we know better... we do better

*Practica Parents: The reality of the situation is that a parent who knows better, does better. This is one of the founding principles of the Practica Program -  the better we understand our children, the more we can draw from everyday opportunities as well as new and exciting research.

If you would like to be notified of all new posts via email, please send an email to lizette@practicaprogram.co.za